Wednesday

I've been trying to go visit my Grandma and Grandpa Walker about twice a month (every other Wednesday), but haven't been up since the week before Christmas. We wanted to go last Wednesday, but Austin and Lydia still weren't feeling awesome and I didn't want to expose my Grandma to our sick-germs. So this week when we were feeling decent, I texted my Aunt Kim to see if it would work if we came to visit. It was going to work out great and I was looking forward to seeing my grandparents again.

I woke up this morning at 5:00 am to finish getting our things packed up and in the car. Pack and play, outfits to change into, snacks, toys, lunch, coats, shoes, blankets, waterbottles, etc... Then I put both sleeping kids into the car, too. Lydia was so sweet; in her sleepy voice she said, "Are we going to Grandma-Great's now? I'm so excited to see the dark outside!" I had checked the weather and it said that there was going to be light snow in Evanston but I thought "light snow - that should be fine". There was no snow when I left but it started slushing a little bit when I hit Parley's Canyon. By the time I was close to Park City it was snowing hard enough for me to start getting a little nervous. It wasn't SO bad, but I was nervous. I pulled off at Park City and checked the weather again. It still said "light snow" for Evanston, but "snow showers" for Park City. So I thought - okay, I'm in the middle of the worst of it and it's not so bad, I'll just push thought this and the snow will let up a bit.

I got back on the road and it was significantly worse than it had been. I was driving about 35-40 miles an hour and was starting to get really scared of sliding off the road. There were big trucks that were cruising by me, which made me panic every time, and I could feel my tires slipping a little on the road. It definitely wasn't the worst snow storm that I've ever driven in. In all honesty, I've driven in much worse. But having my kids in the back seat, having it be dark outside, and knowing that my tires aren't the greatest was giving me serious worries. I started praying out loud "Please, Heavenly Father, keep us safe." Over and over and over again. I told myself that I'd pull off at the next exit. I just needed to make it to the next exit and then I would evaluate what I needed to do, but first I just needed to get us safe.

I'm writing all of this down because of what happened next. As I prayed, there were several times that I could feel my tires slipping beneath me. I was sure that we were going to go off the road. It was dark, but I could just make out some very steep drop-offs right off the road. I was nervous, and preparing for the worst, but I just kept praying for safety. Out loud: "Please keep us safe." And in my heart: "Please lead us to a safe place." Each time I felt my tires slipping, somehow we stayed right on the road. (It felt like we were slipping off the road, but we stayed right in our lane.) An exit came up, but it was for a lookout and the exit looked snowed over and it was up a hill. I wasn't sure we'd make it. So I made the decision to try for the next exit. It was a hard choice because I was so worried on the road and so scared of sliding off. But a few more miles down the road and there was an exit for Wanship/Kamas. We made it to the exit and saw a little gas station right off the exit. We pulled into a snowy parking space and I prayed my gratitude for our safety and for my Heavenly Father's guiding hand. Again, it wasn't the worst snow I've ever driven in - but I was so nervous and so grateful to have gotten to a place of safety.

I sent this text to David at 6:58 am, "It's snowing. Not so bad, but I'm nervous. I'm in Kamas. Going to wait for it to get light before I decide whether to keep going or not." I thought that after it got light, with a little more warmth and a few more cars/snowplows on the road it would be okay. Lydia was asleep but Austin wanted to get out, so I let him come and pretend to drive the car until Lydia woke up. Then we headed into the gas station to get some breakfast.

This gas station. Not your average gas station. "The Rafter-B Gas"n"Grub." A little log cabin-esque building. The bathrooms were tiiiiiiiiny. Like, tiny sink, tiny toilet, tiny tiny room. Lydia loved them. And the people were so kind. When we first got there we walked around for a little bit. I let Lydia pick a couple of candies, grabbed some donuts and skittles, then picked out a breakfast sandwich. All the while there were 3-4 older gentlemen hanging out by the register. I wasn't sure which ones were working and which were just chatting, but it was so funny to see these gruff-but-kind grandpa type men (for my family, they reminded me of Frankie Little) hanging out at the gas station at 7:30 on such a snowy morning. They were all so kind to me and asked me where we were headed and if we needed any help. I told them that we were headed to Lyman, just past Evanston, but that we didn't want to drive anywhere until the snow let up a bit. You could tell that they were worried, and said that I was welcome to stay in the gas station (even though Lydia had just picked up the entire display box of fruity lemon-heads off the shelf and Austin was trying to run away through the store). They rang up all of my stuff, but after I paid, I realized I had forgotten to put the sucker that Austin was holding on the counter. They had a sign posted saying there was a $5 minimum purchase for credit cards. So I told them that I would just take Lydia's sucker away and keep that one (he'd been sucking on the wrapper). The owner, named Dave, told me to just keep it - that it was on the house - at the same time that one of the other gentlemen there threw a couple of quarters on the counter to take care of it. We thanked them and then headed back out into the snow to sit in our car and eat our breakfast.

We sat there for the next 3.5-4 hours. At about 8:00, we found out that I-80 over the Sisters in Wyoming were closed. About every hour I decided that I was going to brave it, but then I'd call David to tell him and we'd talk and I'd decide to just stay put for a while longer. For a while I was worried that we were going to be stuck there all day - the forecast looked pretty gloomy. I was scared to get back on the road, because right where we were - we were safe. But I couldn't guarantee how things would go if we got back on the road. I was really just so grateful to be off the roads, and doubly grateful that my cell phone still worked so I could call David. That area is only about 5-10 miles until my phones loses service for good. It's such a blessing that I hadn't lost service completely.

During this time of checking and rechecking the weather, playing games on the ipad and playing with Lydia's sticker book, and letting the kids climb around in the backseat, the good people of Rafter-B kept checking up on me. The owner Dave, called his wife, Kim,  to come over to check up on me. I think he sees a lot of bad situations and was worried about a young woman and two kids being all alone. She showed up and made sure that we were doing okay. A little later, one of the men from inside came and knocked on my window. His name was Bill (and after he left - Kim told me that he used to be the Mayor of Henefer).  He told me that he was really concerned about me trying to get to Evanston and seemed relieved when I told him that my plans had changed and I was just waiting until I felt comfortable enough to head home. Lydia and Austin were both on my lap at the time and he asked Lydia if she wanted a treat. I said that she didn't need one, but she piped up and said she wanted a sucker. He asked what color and she said orange. After getting my approval, he went back inside and came back a while later with two bottles of chocolate milk, and a whole bunch of suckers. He had two bags, one filled with orange suckers and the other filled with red suckers. It was so kind, I had a hard time keeping my emotions in check as I was saying thank you. Several more times they came out to check on us and make sure that we were doing okay.

About 10:00, I saw that Parley's canyon had been closed both ways unless you had chains. Seriously?! The weather did NOT say that it was going to be so bad. I felt like such an idiot for getting caught in such a bad snow storm. I also feel so bad that I wasn't able to make it to my Grandma and Grandpa's. I know that they would have loved to see Lydia and Austin. I know it would have been a help to them. And, now that we didn't go this week - I don't know when we'll get back up, because I tentatively made plans for next Wednesday because I thought that it would be our off week. I just feel bad all around. But, I also feel so grateful. 

I prayed for a place of safety for my children and I. In my head, I pictured a space where my car could sit and where we wouldn't have to worry about the traffic on the snowy road. But Heavenly Father provided a place where we were watched over by kind people who were concerned and willing to take care of us. They didn't even know my name. (I didn't know their names either until right before I was leaving.) I have no doubt that if I had been in real need, they would have offered even more to me. We were kept warm and safe. We had good food and more suckers than my kids could even handle. I posted these pictures (in a collage) to Instagram with this caption:

Although it was not snowing when I left at 5:30 this morning, headed to visit my grandparents in Wyoming -nor did the weather forecast appear too bad - we are now going on 3.5 hours stuck in Wanship, UT. The roads are closed both East and West of us. However, my prayers were answered as I prayed for safety from the snowy roads and for a safe place to stay until the storm passed. Who knew the Rafter B Gas and Grub would be such a blessing (in direct answer to heartfelt prayer). They've let us sit in their parking lot, come out to check on us several times, and even brought out some chocolate milk and treats. (The owner asked Lydia what treat she wanted and she requested an orange sucker. He came back with two bags full of suckers. One bag of orange and one bag of red.) Counting my blessings: We are safe. We are warm. We have people looking out for us. I have phone service. I have internet. My kids are doing great. It's an adventure to be sure. #sogratefultobesafeandwarm

We left about 11:25. So almost 4 and a half hours of just waiting in the car, but I'm so glad we waited so long. As we drove down the canyon there were a few times that I thought "We probably could have left sooner, there isn't even any snow on the roads." But then a giant truck would drive past right as I encountered a slushy patch of road and I'd think "Oh no! We're still going to slide off." I'm just so glad we didn't try to leave sooner. I'm so sad that we didn't make it to Wyoming, but I am so grateful that we were blessed and protected. It's easy to look back at this and think that we were just really lucky, but at the time I absolutely knew that we were being protected by the Lord's hand. How good and kind He is. Today I am grateful to feel His love and have his protection. 

Now we are home and so glad to be here. 

So, so, so glad to be home.#safeandsound

Snow

A David Post: 

One of the things that brings Shantel and I the greatest joy is watching Lydia when she is truly happy. She has been so excited for snow and sledding and snowmen. She wanted a sled for Christmas and could not wait to build a snowman. She waited patiently and was rewarded with numerous great snow storms and so we have been able to have so much fun in the snow. Here are some of our winter adventures.

Getting gloves on so that Lydia can come outside and help me shovel the first big snow of the year.

With no sled yet, Lydia gives the slide a try in the snow. 

I work on accumulating the snow for our sled hill. I wanted to make sure our sled hill was perfect once Lydia actually had a sled to slide down it on. 

Yahoo! Santa brought a sled for Christmas!

Austin has some awesome cousins who give him rides, this is the extent of the sledding he'll be doing this year. #itisreallycoldoutside

Lydia's first run on her brand new sled. She loved it. We ran from the front yard to the back and back and forth. She made quite a sled trail. She loved riding forward, but also figured out if she rode in the sled facing backwards she got a lot less snow in her face. I don't have a picture, but we also got to try out our sled hill at our house and it was fantastic. We did take a really great video, so maybe if I am lucky Shantel will use her awesome IT skills and post the video as well. 

Building our first snowman! We tried to do this earlier and the snow was not wet enough, but we had a lot of fun rolling each layer and then making sure it was just right. Once we had it built, Lydia told me that we needed, something for eyes, a nose, a mouth and that the snowman needed a hat too! We hurried to the back door and gave our request list to Shantel who quickly found everything we needed. I love how much Lydia loved tromping and sledding in the snow and building our snowman together. Can't wait for next year so that Austin can have more than just a "dry" run on the sled. Also, hoping for some more snow so Lydia and I can improve our sled hill. 

Lydia wanted to make sure our snowman had a hat to stay warm. She also said she is worried our snowman might melt and does not want him to melt when it is summer. 

Admiring our hard work. 

Lydia with her snowman.

Snowman building team, special thanks to Shantel and Austin who provided, the hat, jewels for eyes, carrot for the nose and magnets which turned out great for the mouth. 

Welcome 2016!

Two thousand and sixteen: Welcome friend. I know that we are going to be great friends.

You know, each month I wipe off our giant white-board calendar and write out the dates and events for the next month. It's theraputic to clear everything off and start with a clean slate, and never more so than at the beginning of the year. I erase all of the busyness that comes with December and start with the promise of a fresh new year. I love it.

January is so refreshing because it's so... new. I know it's really just the last number of the year that has changed, but it feels so full of potential. Like it can truly be anything that we want it to be.

In contrast to that, I've been feeling a little defiant when faced with the (seemingly) obligational "goal writing". I don't really want to make any goals. Maybe it's because I'm tired. Maybe because I'm already working on so many things that it seems forced to try to come up with some fresh new goals for myself - but it also seems anti-climatic to just write "these are the things that I'm already working on and will just try to keep working on through the next year". I joked to David that I didn't want to make any goals. I just wanted to not have to do anything that I didn't want to do and to not feel guilty about it. But that's not really the truth, or not all of the truth.

So anti-climatic as it might be... here are some things that I've been working on that I want to keep working on (because heaven knows I need the work):
--Make time to reach out to all of our grandparents. I'm feeling the kin-keeping responsibility heavily, and want to do what I can - while I can.
--Be kind. When I see a need, fill it.
--Be a better mother today than I was yesterday.
--Fear not, but only believe.
--Be present. Stop missing opportunities, moments, and love because I'm distracted.
--Family Home Evening once a week. Scripture-song-prayer every night.

Some other things I've thought about lately:
--Learn how to say no. When I don't want to do something, or even if I do want to do it but know it will be difficult to fit into our schedule, don't do it. I over schedule us so much and think that it's wearing on everyone. I want to work on balancing the desire to serve and listen to promptings encouraging me to reach out to others with the need to sometimes just spend that time with my children instead of other people.
--

I asked David about his goals and here is what he wrote:

I decided to focus on three goals. If I do more than 3, I really can't accomplish any of them. Usually I start thinking about goals and think of so many things that are really good, and then make a goal to do all of them. However, this just results in accomplishing none of them. I want to take a more focussed approach. These are also just 90 day goals. So in 90 days, I'll see where I am, and make new goals. This helps keep me focussed as well and makes them more doable. Here they are:

-Improve scripture study and make it more consistent: I decided to set both a certain amount of time I want to study each day (instead of just reading a chapter) and I want to make sure I am studying, not just reading the scriptures.
-Clean room each week: I think that being clean and organized is very important, and lately I have not been great at that. I think cleaning my room will help me be more organized in general. The other reason for this goal is that I want Lydia to start being responsible for cleaning her room as well, but how I can I ask her to do something I am not consistently doing? That is why the once a week is part of the goal, I certainly do clean, but sometimes it is a month or two instead of more consistently. Hopefully I can start to set the example for Lydia to follow.
-Go to bed early.  I'll leave out the specifics as far as what constitutes "early", but this goal first will help with busy season when I need to get up earlier or order to work the hours that I need. However, I think getting going to bed early also helps to give opportunities to improve in numerous areas.

--

Update: At the temple this month (January) during the prayer, a few words jumped out at me. "We put our faith and trust in thee." It was such a powerful statement. It wasn't "Please help us to have faith and trust in thee." It was a declaration of something that had already happened. It resonated in my heart. So often I get worried about the world, about the future, about my family, about so many things. And I pray that I can have faith, that I can feel peace. I express my love; but do I ever say "You have my faith and trust." I don't know that those words are familiar to my lips - but they echo the deepest truth of my heart. So this year, if I were going to pick a motto, I think it would be this. "My faith and trust is placed in Him."

I know it's a little silly, but I have this immense fear that creeps up on my when I say things like that - because I feel like it's inviting Satan to attack, or inviting another trial that will test that faith. And honestly, I don't want any trials. I like my life exactly the way it is right now. I hate the fear that I feel waiting for something bad to happen, like waiting for the shoe to drop.

But, as I sat in the temple I reflected on that statement, "We put our faith and trust in thee". If faith and fear can't exist at the same time, then I absolutely know that I want my heart to be filled with faith instead of letting fear have free reign.

And so, I must repeat, for 2016 and for ever after. "My faith and trust is placed in Him."

--

Here's to you 2016!