39 Weeks: Baby #3 Pregnancy Update

I wasn't planning to do a 39 week blog post, but I'm having some feelings and I want to write them all down.

39 Weeks

I may have mentioned this before, but early on in pregnancy I started getting into my head that this baby was going to be coming early. Not so early - but earlier than my other kids. From the very beginning until about 30 weeks he was measuring 6 days early. I knew it wasn't a huge deal - but adding that to the fact that there was some confusion between my doctors office and my BabyCenterApp (ha) about my actual due date (March 7 vs March 13), I let myself get sucked in. I really tried not to, because I always think it's silly when people say "My due date is this... but I just know that I'll be early." Because no one really knows that. But, I also didn't want to be unprepared if this baby did decide to make his appearance early. (And March 7 or March 10 sound so much nicer than March 13 - ha.)

Even though I let myself get kind of sucked in to the thought that this baby would be early - I've not been particularly anxious about getting him here sooner. I have fairly easy pregnancies and haven't ever hit the point of feeling so uncomfortable or sick of being pregnant that I just want to be done. Plus, I believe that babies should be allowed as much time as they need to grow in-utero as possible. (So many benefits for those little babies!) So we decided against being induced even though the fact that Austin came so fast does make us a little nervous. Honestly, I'm just grateful to be pregnant and happy to enjoy the last few weeks of my little family of four (and of sleeping through the night).

However, Thursday night (March 2) I started having some more frequent contractions just before 8 o'clock. (I've been having Braxton-Hicks contractions, or maybe some real contractions here and there - but absolutely nothing frequent or regular.)  I'd just gotten the kids down to bed and was sitting in my baby's nursery working on something on the computer. David was still at work, because - busy season, but was planning to come home about 8:30. The contractions weren't painful, but they were uncomfortable and when I started timing them I saw that they were roughly 6 minutes apart. I wrote a couple of texts to David asking him to come home early, but deleted them before I sent then because I figured that he'd be home soon enough. He ended up coming home early, about 8:15 - and I was grateful! The contractions started coming much less regularly, sometimes 5 minutes apart, sometimes 30 minutes. I wasn't convinced that this was real labor, I mean - it obviously wasn't active labor but who knows when pre-labor turns into Early Labor. It was just after 9ish (9:30? I'm not sure). We decided to call David's sister Amy because even though it was clear that we weren't heading to the hospital right then, we didn't know if we'd be going at 1 in the morning and we figured that it was better to call Amy and just ask her to sleep at our house instead of calling her at midnight, waking her up and asking her to come. I was still having irregular contractions and flipped back and forth between feeling silly for calling Amy so soon and being so glad that she was there and I didn't have to worry about leaving my kids at night.

I headed up to bed about ten-thirty because I was tired and uncomfortable. The contractions kept coming until about 12:30 when I assume they stopped because I fell asleep for the night and woke up the next morning. During that time, I had a very very vivid dream that the contractions had stopped - so we had taken the kids to the swimming pool and as we were leaving I suddenly delivered the baby and we were trying to drive to the hospital to make sure that everything was okay. I just remember holding my sweet boy in my arms and feeling so happy and so much love, then waking up and realizing that I did not have my baby during the night. It was so weird. And so hard to shake.

We had a nice "Amy-Day" to make up for calling her to come on a false alarm (really just an excuse to hang out with her). She played with the kids and in the afternoon, she and I went and got pedicures while Lydia played at a friends house (and Austin played games on my phone on my lap). It was so relaxing and exactly what I needed, but...

Since then, I've been feeling SO off balance.

I never had any contractions with Lydia OR Austin until it was the day. But now I have contractions all day long, and even through the night. They aren't regular at all. I might have several just 5-10 minutes apart and then not another one for two hours. They range from not uncomfortable at all (just tightening = Braxton Hicks?) to definitely uncomfortable and edging on painful. I wouldn't be worried so much except Austin came so fast, I've been afraid that I won't pay attention soon enough to get David home and the kids set up before we need to leave.

It's just kind of unsettling because I thought that I knew what to expect, but things have been completely different... again. Now I just have no idea what to expect.

I am feeling much better tonight, actually, because my mom has come to stay with us until the baby gets here. Just knowing that she's here and I don't need to call anyone in the night has been such a blessing already. I don't know when this baby will come, but I feel so much better knowing that she's here.

Other updates: I've been having awful heartburn that really has just kicked in during the last week. I'm still sleeping fine, only waking up once or twice to go to the bathroom but falling back asleep pretty easily. (Now when I wake up to go to the bathroom, I'm almost always having a contraction. I don't know if the contraction is waking me up or the contraction starts because I start moving but either way...) I don't feel as big as I felt with Austin or Lydia, but I'm measuring exactly on track, so that's good.

My doctor is out of town until Friday. (My new doctor that I had to switch to when Dr. Cloward left.) So I won't have my 39 week appointment until then. It seems like so far away. Honestly, I've not been really planning to go to the appointment because I've assumed that I'll have my baby already - but who knows. As I said before, I'm not feeling rushed to have this baby - more just unsettled about not knowing what to expect.

Regardless of what happens, I'm just praying for a smooth and safe birth. I already love this baby so much and I'm looking forward to meeting him, holding him, and telling him how much I love him.

Pregnancy Update: 37 Weeks

37 weeks people. 

Do you know what that means? It means that we are going to have a baby soon! 

So, I've always thought that women who expected to have their baby early were setting themselves up for disappointment - but I went and let myself fall into that trap. My brain keeps moving up my due date in my mind: three days, five days, as early as nine days! I don't particularly want to have this baby early, I've just been feeling like he's going to be here sooner rather than later. In fact... if he wanted to hold out for a few extra days, I'd be more than happy as long as I got to go and see the new Beauty and the Beast movie (with Emma Watson). We don't see movies in the theater very often because we don't watch PG-13 movies unedited, and there aren't very many PG movies that we think are worth paying the money to see in the real theater - but this one would definitely fit that bill and I'd love to support it in theater! It is released on March 17th (due date March 13th). If I could pick, I'd keep this baby cooking until after I got to see the movie in the theater! So it's not that I'm particularly anxious to be done being pregnant - I'm feeling great and excited to soak in these last few weeks with my little family. But I just... feel like changes are coming and will be here sooner rather than later. 

That being said, here's an update on how things are going lately: 

--Growing steadily! I was 162lbs at 36 weeks and 164.5lbs at 37 weeks. So pretty close to that 25lb gain that they look for. I honestly care zero about how much the scale says I weigh, but I do think it's interesting for the sake of information purposes. This baby is measuring right on track and has had great little heartbeats at every appointment. I love it so much because Lydia (I bring both kids to my appointments most of the time) always perks up when they start listening for the heartbeat. You can tell that she thinks its so neat, although she doesn't talk much about it. 

--It seems like with every single day my heart  gets a little bit closer to exploding with love for Lydia and Austin. It's probably a hormonal thing, but I just can't even think about them without being moved to tears about how wonderful they are. I feel like I've also really started bonding with this baby. I write letters to him every week, but our bond has reached a new level of love and excitement.

37 weeks.

--So the name thing. I think that we found a name. In fact, it was about 34 weeks that we went from having a list of barely tolerable names to just having one name. I wasn't sure if we (read: I)  really liked it or if it was just stressful not having any names that we liked. We decided to try out one name at a time, but I started thinking about the name all the time and started thinking about the baby in my womb by that name. Although, I refrained from using the name when I talked to him because I felt like that was committing too much. But even though we've tried out a few other names since then nothing else seems to fit as well, and now it's all I can do not to write his name every time I say "baby" or "him". It's crazy how it happened almost overnight. I'm glad that it happened when it did though, because I feel like it took me several weeks to really get attached to the name and let go of the resistance I was feeling about making a decision and I'm so glad that I had the weeks to do that before the baby came instead of after the baby came. We hadn't really picked Austin's name at the hospital and it was kind of stressful trying to pick while we were there and I just wanted to be bonding with my baby but I just wasn't sure what his name was supposed to be. We aren't really telling people, because we're leaving ourselves open to changing the name if we get there and feel strongly about something else - but for now, I'm feeling pretty good about what we have. 

-I got a hair cut a couple weeks ago! It's a little shorter than I wanted it to be, but it feels so nice and fresh. I always feel this urge at the end of pregnancy to do something extreme with my hair. Like the haircut below, plus I had to talk myself out of coloring my hair darker with highlights in it. I think it has something to do with wanting to feel like I'm in control and having that be one of the ways to assert that control. I (very vainly) just hope that it cooperates for those first tender pictures in the hospital!

36 & 35 weeks

--I had a friend ask me if I was starting to get nervous about labor/delivery because Austin came so fast. I feel like this is a really valid question. I was nervous for a long time because it's just so hard to know what to expect. But I've thought a lot about Austin's birth and I think that there were a lot of markers, signs, and red flags that I simply missed because I wasn't looking for them. The biggest thing is that I remember feeling/thinking/saying "Is it crazy to want to go to the hospital after only one hour of real labor?" The labor was intense enough that I felt like we should be going to the hospital, but I talked myself out of it because we had gone to the hospital after 4 hours with Lydia and been turned away and I didn't want to repeat that experience. However, in retrospect - if I had just listened to my body at that point, we would have made it to the hospital with... well - still less than an hour but -with more than six minutes. And in reality- my labor started earlier than what I had thought at the time. Now that I know more and have more experience, we can plan just to go to the hospital as soon as the contractions start to get real. I think that we'll have time, and if they don't admit us - we'll just hang out in their waiting room until they do. 

So I'm not as worried about making it to the hospital. (Full disclosure: David is really worried about this.) However, I am feeling nervous about the actual labor. I'm not feeling as prepared as I felt with Austin as far as being familiar with labor-management techniques. I had planned to have David and I take a Birth Class together, but with such a busy fall and then... well... busy season - it just never happened. I've been thinking a little bit about trying to do an unmedicated birth with this baby, partly because I've done it before and so I know I can do it and it really was very powerful, but mostly because if it goes fast like last time and I can't get an epidural, I want to be prepared for an unmedicated birth. But the other part of me thinks "well, if I get to the hospital with enough time.. why would I not get an epidural?" So I start with wanting to labor at home in my own tub before going to the hospital (not really an option), then being relieved to find that the AF hospital has tubs that you can labor in, then thinking "but if I'm there - why wouldn't I just get an epidural?". I keep flipping back and forth between the options, and it's a little unsettling because there is so much unknown. 

Side note: I have a pet peeve that has popped up and I don't know if I'm just missing it or what, but it seems like the only options out there for pain management during labor are produced by the fairly extreme "natural birth" crowd. They seem to lean more to home births, birthing tubs, birthing centers, etc... and are pretty far to the extreme. But... even if you want an epidural you still have to manage your labor and the pain of the contractions until you can get to the hospital to get an epidural. So where is the support and information and teaching for women to make labor a good experience from the first contraction? I feel like the mindset is much more "just make it through until you can get to the hospital", but I don't think that's healthy or effective! Maybe I'm just missing that narrative and it really is out there (I hope this is the case). I just know that Lydia's labor was worse than Austin's because I didn't even know how to breathe during the contractions... I remember feeling like I was going to hyperventilate. Where with Austin I did more research (trying to balance the extreme viewpoint with the information I was actually looking for), and felt like I handled things much better. 

34 Weeks

-My doctor, Dr. Cloward, asked a few weeks back if I wanted to schedule an induction and although I can see the merits (i.e. knowing the date and being able to plan for it, not having to worry about getting to the hospital on time)  of being induced it really just doesn't appeal to me. I'm feeling really good and I'm happy to let this baby keep growing as long as he needs to. I'm not feeling antsy for this pregnancy to be over, I'm just enjoying the last few weeks of our family of four. I've been really trying to spend some good time with both Lydia and Austin (and David) and do some fun things that will be harder to do after we have a new little baby in the house. We are all getting excited for our new baby, but not feeling any need to rush things along. Also, something about the idea of going into the hospital to get hooked up to a machine to have synthetic hormones injected to trick my body into starting labor just gives me an uncomfortable feeling. (Not that I won't ever be induced, or that other people shouldn't be induced - just that my initial reaction is to prefer not to.) 

33 Weeks

-On the topic of Dr. Cloward (who I absolutely adore). I got a phone call a few weeks ago that went something like this "Hello, we're calling because Dr. Cloward is no longer practicing at Legacy OB. We need you to select from one of our other doctors and reschedule all of your remaining appointments." Uh... what!?!? I love Dr. Cloward. People spend months trying to choose an OB that fits with them and you just want me to pick a name from this list and schedule all my remaining appointments with them? Besides, there is a reason that my OB is female. That's what I wanted. I only have a month left in my pregnancy and now I have to switch new doctors??? Plus, is Dr. Cloward okay? Is she healthy? Are her kids healthy? What would make her leave so suddenly??? (Update: She's moving to Valley OB and will start May 1st. So next pregnancy, maybe?)

I'll be honest. I cried. Big fat tears.

However, here are some facts: 1- I really like the Legacy OB facility and all of the doctors seem to be fairly similarly minded and very capable. 2- The chances that Dr. Cloward actually delivered my baby are (in my experience) slim. (Dr. Jones delivered Lydia and Dr. Watabe helped after Austin was born.) So it's really just the last few appointments with a new person. 3- This would have been a much bigger deal with Lydia or even Austin. But at this point, I feel much more confident and not as concerned. 4- I don't want to change facilities to try to find a different doctor (hello, insurance nightmare). 

So, I picked the doctor that they said had the most flexible schedule, Dr. Thomas, and set all my appointments. One of my biggest concerns was that at my first appointment with Dr. Thomas I was scheduled to have my Group B strep test and vaginal exam. I know it's not a big deal - but I didn't love the idea of meeting my doctor for the first time at that appointment rather than being with Dr. Cloward who I have an incredible strong rapport with. (Again, cue tears - hormonal or not.) 

However, everything went really well. Dr. Thomas was incredibly busy that day because of all of the additional patients he had absorbed, plus he had two deliveries at the hospital. We ended up being there just over two hours, but the receptionists gave us snacks and coloring pages and the kids were champs. When the nursed asked about the Group B strep test- and I mentioned that I felt weird about meeting Dr. Thomas that day - she validated my feelings and suggested that instead of undressing before Dr. Thomas came into the room that I could just meet with him like normal and then at the very end he could step out, I could undress and they would do the strep test really quickly. Even just something so simple as them being so accommodating and not belittling set me SO much at ease. Also, because of how busy he was I thought that I might feel rushed, but he took his time to talk to me and explain how he felt about delayed cord clamping, kangaroo care, and even volunteered his thoughts about episiotomy. I didn't feel rushed at all and I felt like everything he said lined up really well with my own thoughts and feelings. It was just a really good experience and I'm so grateful that everything worked out so well. Another gold star for Legacy OB. They've always taken such good care of me and I've had a great experience in their office. 

33 Weeks

--At my 36 week appointment I was dilated to a 3. I know it doesn't mean the baby will come any sooner than he's ready. But interesting to note. I was dilated to a 2 at 38 weeks with Austin, and not dilated at all with Lydia. (I was dilated to a 2 when I went to the hospital after 4 hours of labor with Lydia.) So maybe he won't come sooner, but maybe he will come faster? It's definitely something we're taking into consideration. It means that this body of mine is preparing to do it's thing. It brings me back to the unmedicated birth vs. epidural. If my body is getting ready to do this thing, maybe I should just let it do it without forcing medical interventions. (I opted not to get checked at my 37 week appointment, so we'll see what happens at 38 weeks.) 

31 Weeks

Over the course of this pregnancy I've felt really worried about bringing a third baby home, specifically about how I will handle the newborn stage again. Those feelings have ranged from nervousness to outright fear. The sleepless nights, the completely dependent baby, the two other children that still need love and attention, the husband who is in the middle of busy season. But in the last couple of weeks I feel like I've achieved a level of peace that I wasn't sure I'd reach. I feel this calm that tells me that everything is going to be just fine. I also feel a determination to make this be a good experience. I'm so incredibly grateful that we are headed into spring and summer and I'm genuinely looking forward to putting my sweet baby boy into my (brand-new) Solly Baby wrap and going to the farm with Lydia and Austin and letting them run wherever they want. Or to the park, or to the splash pad. I think that getting out and about will be a key difference for us, because being stuck inside during the winter is hard. The transition from 1-2 was difficult, but I feel this great hope swelling in my heart that the transition from 2-3 will be exactly what our little family needs. 

Lydia and Austin play so well together. The love each other so much. They love this new baby already, and I'm so looking forward to seeing them meet him and love him. (We even went to the store and they each picked out a little stuffed animal to give to him. Lydia's been carrying her puppy around everywhere she goes and tells everyone that she picked it out for our new baby.) 

I'm feeling more prepared for the hospital and for bringing baby home. So much of this is just a mental preparation. Thinking and talking about things has made everything seem so much calmer and like I have a plan in place. David has been so wonderful to listen to me and talk to me for hours about our life, how things will change, what we want/expect out of the labor/hospital. Also, I finally focused some of my nesting energy on actually getting the nursery ready (instead of every other unfinished project in the house). I cleaned out toys/books. Washed baby clothes and put them away. (We recently moved Austin to Lydia's room and moved all of his clothes in there. They are doing great btw.) Hung up a canvas picture and some string art on the last blank wall in there. Printed out letters for baby's name and hung them above the crib. I looooove it! Just getting the nursery ready for baby has made such a difference in how prepared I'm feeling for this little guy. I think that nesting really does serve a purpose for bonding and feeling ready for having a baby. 

30 Weeks

I'm feeling so grateful that the apprehension of bringing a new baby home is dissipating and is being replaced with peace and excitement about this new stage of our lives. Baby brother, we love you! We can hardly believe that in a few short weeks you'll be here in our arms. Take your time getting ready, but if you wouldn't mind helping your mama out let's follow this game plan: 1- give me enough advance notice to get your dad home, get a babysitter here for your siblings, and get to the hospital. And 2- then come quickly and smoothly so that I can hold you in my arms asap. Deal? 

28 Weeks: Baby #3 Update

I haven't been blogging about baby #3 as much as I might have blogged about my first two. I don't really feel bad about that - but mostly because I've still been writing my weekly letters to my sweet baby that I will publish in a book after he is born. We had a pretty dramatic data-loss and lost all of the information on our external hard drive and I lost all of my letters (but luckily not the pictures), it was sad - but I spent multiple mornings waking up super-early before anyone else got up and re-writing the letters with all the details I could remember. It's not exactly perfect but I think that the sentiment and feelings were all still very accurate. It's been a while now, and I've been able to keep up with those letters. I love the practice of writing to my baby every week. It is bonding and fills me with love for this new little babe.

22 & 23 Weeks

Some updates: 

Names:

We have zero name options. Nada. Zilch. 

It's starting to be a real problem. I don't know why we can't buckle down and start finding some good options! It's not for lack of trying. Okay, it might have to do a little bit with how busy we've been lately - maybe it hasn't gotten quite the time and attention it needs. But, we have multiple baby name apps downloaded on our phones (one of which is a Tinder-type app that lets you match up names that both you and your spouse said they liked), I go through baby name lists on a regular basis, and it's definitely on my mind. I just haven't found anything that seems to fit. I'm hoping for some inspiration soon, though. With Lydia we went to the hospital with her name (and a few backup names in case it didn't feel right last minute). With Austin we weren't quite sure and went with 2-3 names to decide between when we "met" him. It was really stressful to both of us. We've decided that we'd rather have a name that we really think we want (with flexibility of course) so that we can spend that time bonding with each other and our new baby instead of worrying about which name to pick. So, now that I've explained all of the reasons why we want to have a solid name picked, we can get back to the fact that we still don't even have a direction. Ha. We do have a middle name that we are about 90% sure about, which is really good, but it's affected some first names that we might have liked otherwise but doesn't really flow with the middle name. I'm sure it will come together, but this is where we are now. 

Lydia and Austin: 

Love this baby. It's about the sweetest thing I can imagine. They both talk about our new baby all the time. Lydia especially talks about him like he's already here and already part of our family. He's included when she says "the girls sit here and one boy - and the other two boys sit over there", or when she's counting how many people are in our family, and she's constantly reminding me to eat good food so that our baby can grow healthy and strong. She's a little confused about how the baby is growing in side of me, and sometimes asks "is this where the baby's arm is?" while pointing to my arm. But oh, she loves him so much already. She talks about name options every day, mostly made up names, "let's call him Hoo-rem-ahh-da".

27 Weeks

Leg Pain: 

At about 24/25 weeks I started having quite a bit of leg pain again. It has happened earlier in the pregnancy, around 16/17 weeks, and after steadily getting worse and worse until it was really starting to be a problem, not just a nuisance, it just disappeared. I had hoped it wouldn't come back but when it hit me again it was pretty frustrating. It was an incredibly sharp pain in my right leg right where the leg connected to the pelvic bone. It didn't seem brought on by extra activity, and didn't really seem to be helped by resting (when I laid down it didn't hurt, but it didn't stop it from hurting when I stood back up). However, almost as suddenly as it started up again - last week it stopped. I haven't had to deal with it again since and I'm hoping that it's gone for good. (Cross your fingers for me?) I know that many women have much much much more difficult pregnancies than I ever have, and even this small thing hasn't been such a big deal. But I never had any pain like this with my other pregnancies so I figure that it's something to note. 

Maternity Clothes: 

I finally splurged and bought a handful of new maternity clothes. When I was pregnant with Lydia I was teaching school so I have a lot of winter season professional-type clothes that I made work but not many "I'm home with kids and want to be comfortable while I'm pregnant". And then with Austin I only had summer clothes, so I've been wearing short sleeve shirts with cardigans which has been fine- but I didn't have any maternity pants and I just wanted a few new things. I haven't gained more weight with this pregnancy, and I don't even really feel like I've gotten bigger faster, but my clothes definitely fit me differently, and where I wore my regular jeans with a belly band all through both pregnancies - this time around it just wasn't working for me. The day that I got my maternity leggings and a new long sleeve maternity shirt in the mail (from Target, bless their hearts) - I got right back online and ordered several more things because I hadn't been so comfortable in such a long time and it was soooo nice. Sometimes my frugal self thinks "It's only a few months, it's not worth buying a whole new wardrobe." But then the part of me that just wants to be comfortable says "It's worth it!" 

Baby Supplies: 

We're starting to make some baby purchases and it's so exciting! Over Black Friday we bought a video baby monitor, which is going to be so nice. As ridiculous as it sounds, I can't count the number of times that I've woken up at 4 in the morning terrified that someone has come into my house and stolen my baby and that if I don't go in to check right now that I won't know until morning and then it will be too late. (Plus the less extreme things like "are they asleep yet" etc...) I have money saved to buy a new baby wrap that is softer and lighter than the one I have right now, I just have to finalize which print/color I want. I just got a new carseat cover that I'm excited about and I'm asking for a new nursing cover for Christmas. We have most of the stuff that we need, but I'm excited to be getting a few new things for this sweet babe! 

Overall, I'm feeling really good and I'm grateful to be pregnant right now. Sometimes I start getting in my head and am scared to add a third baby to the mix (mostly when I feel like I can't even handle the two that I already have), but I know that this baby is supposed to be mine. I only pray that I will be able to handle the newborn stage with more grace and peace than I did last time, and that I can be a good mother to this little boy and his siblings. I'm so blessed in so many ways, and I hope that I can raise my children in a way that they know how blessed we are - and how loved they are. 

17 Weeks: Baby #3 Update

I've been meaning to sit and do this post forever but it seems like something else always comes up. Even now, as I'm sitting down to write - my brain is reminding me of at least 3 other things that I should be doing right now. Make that 4... 5.... Ugh. But if I don't update now, I won't update until we hit 20 weeks and I'm already halfway through. I've already missed the whole first trimester. So let's start there.

Actually let's start here: We're having a baby! (And we're so excited.)

I've always preferred Fall babies because of the advantages that come in school/sports/etc... When Lydia was a May baby I was really worried. (I'm not worried anymore, but I was concerned about having such a late spring/summer birthdate.) Then when Austin's birthday was in September, we were thrilled and thought that we were finally on track to getting our fall babies. But my experience with Lydia as a baby and Austin as a baby were SO different and I believe that the difference was the time of year. Having a spring baby was SO wonderful. I was out and doing things - even if that meant going to the park with a friend while Lydia sat in her carseat. It was so warm and nice and happy. After Austin was born, I really struggled. Much more that I even realized at the time; there were some serious blues happening. I think that being trapped inside because it was so cold and dark was really hard for me. It made everything harder. So even though I still see some advantages to having a Fall birthday - David and I decided for my mental health and the happiness of our whole family we should probably shoot for Spring babies from now on.

Even just writing that makes me laugh, because who can really plan the timing of their babies? I've come to believe that it's very few people. It took us a long time to get pregnant with Lydia (including a miscarriage), and 11 months to get pregnant with Austin - so really when we decided that we were ready to add to our family we had no idea how long it would take us. But to our surprise and joy - we were able to get pregnant right away. This baby must be as ready to join our family as we are.

My first trimester went really smoothly. I kept waiting for the awful morning sickness to hit - but it never really did. I was queasy occasionally - really only when I forgot to eat, but for the most part I was able to manage it really well. I just ate snacky things all the time.  Literally every couple of hours I would eat. In previous pregnancies I knew that I needed to eat to keep me from getting queasy, but I'd usually wait until I was starting to feel sick to eat something and then at that point it was hard to eat because I wasn't feeling well and it took a lot of energy to make myself eat something and then wait for the nausea to pass. This time I just made sure that I ate all the time and if I ever got a glimmer of nausea around the corner I would push away the "I'll eat something in a minute" thought and go and eat something right away. 

I was telling a friend in my ward about how diligent I'd been being at eating and staying on top of my morning sickness - feeling pretty proud of myself - and she responded "I'm so glad. That's such a blessing because of how much you have going on, especially with your calling." Which is when I realized that my lack of morning sickness is definitely much more of a a direct blessing from Heavenly Father than it is that I, on my own, have been able to manage it better. As a new Primary President with a lot on my plate, this is one blessing that I truly feel has come as a direct result of my effort in my calling - and the need the Lord has of my to actually be able to fill my calling. It was a humbling moment to me and I'm so grateful for the perspective and knowledge of His hand in my life. Because obviously, eating frequently has helped but doesn't account for really how good I've been feeling. And each time I've felt pushed to just go grab something to eat probably didn't come from my stubborn mind - it's much more likely to have been a prompting of the Spirit and has been an incredible blessing in my life. 

So, with each of my pregnancies I have progressively been less sick. By far the sickest I've been was with our miscarriage before Lydia (miscarried about 12-13 weeks-ish, and several of those weeks we already knew the baby wasn't growing and were just waiting for my body to miscarry naturally - so each time I was bent over the toilet bowl throwing up was a mourning period), with Lydia I was still really sick but not quite so severely, with Austin I dry heaved a lot but rarely threw up (and even though food didn't sound good I was still able to make dinner most nights, where I didn't cook for the first 3 months with Lydia), and this baby- like I said, with this baby I've felt queasy on occasion but there have only been a few times where I've actually been stuck on the couch because I feel so sick and I've only thrown up once after smelling something awful. 

I've been tired - and going to bed pretty early. But not so exhausted, either. I'm just really tired at the end of the day, even though I feel pretty good through most of the day. (Fairly early on I was taking a nap in the afternoon a couple of times a week and that was really good for me.) Some days it's worse than others (obviously). Last week after a particularly busy day, when David was working late, I sent him a text message that told him to bring up the computer charging cord to bed when he got home because I couldn't move my legs and was too tired to get out of bed. I literally could not move my legs I was so tired. 

Even with how good I was feeling during the first trimester - I definitely felt a shift when I hit the second trimester. I feel less queasy and don't have to eat as often. However, I've also started getting this weird pain in my right leg, right in whatever connects my leg to my pelvic bone. It started just at night (I'd be fine all day, but around 8:00 it would start acting up), but lately I've been feeling it all day. It's not a huge deal - but when it acts up I either don't walk or walk really funny trying to ease the pain. 

Sleep.

The strangest thing is that I haven't been able to sleep well at night because of all the light in my room. (Background: I am typically a very good sleeper. I fall asleep quickly and can sleep pretty much anywhere.) I was starting to really struggle to fall asleep (come on - people have to wait minutes to fall asleep!?!), and kept waking up throughout the night. I'd try to use my arm to cover my eyes against the light... like that darn flashing light in the fire alarm in our ceiling, or the power light on Davids phone, or the streetlights shining softly through the blinds in our window. Ha - all things that have never bothered me before. Now, those things are wreaking serious havoc with my sleep. Sooo... I got on Amazon and bought myself a sleep mask. I feel ridiculous every single night that I put it on - but it really works and I've been sleeping much better. (If I wake up in the middle of the night, I have to find it and put it back on so I can fall back asleep - but if I have it on I can fall asleep pretty quickly.) 

Gender Check.

So, did you know that with technology you can now find out the gender of your baby at 14 weeks?!?! It's insane. Do you know how big your baby is at 14 weeks? The size of a lemon. Technology is crazy. Every single person I know who is pregnant with a due date around mine already knows the gender (if they are finding out at all). A friend who lives around the corner and is due just days after me started sending me FetalFoto coupons after she found out she was having a boy. These are my thoughts: every time I drive past the local FetalFoto studio (which is at least once a week) I think, "I could stop and find out right now." Which is crazy, and hello- why wouldn't you want to do that!? But also, I like finding out at 20 weeks because it's a great milemarker. Like, "I made it halfway through- now I get to find out the gender!" I feel like if you find out at 14 weeks the rest of pregnancy would last forrreeeevvver. Plus the $50 price tag. So... we're waiting. I think. At any moment I could decide that today is the day and that we need to find out, asap, for the most part I feel good about waiting. It's so funny to me that this is even really a decision you have to make. (And also that there are two extremes - most people either find out SO super early or they don't find out at all.)

Movement.

I've started to feel the baby move, just really recently, and it's so exciting and makes everything seem so much more real. (Also only kind of related to this at my 16 week appointment baby's heartbeat was 159 bmp!)

Body

I've definitely popped out in the last couple of weeks, but up until 15-16 weeks people would comment about how I don't even look pregnant (uhhh... thanks?). But I haven't actually gained much weight according to my 16 week appointment. Things have just been shifting around. I absolutely don't think that weight is important, but for things like this I like to document weight and gain for comparison (with my own pregnancies) purposes. I started at about the same weight as I was with both Lydia and Austin (about 140) and at my 16 week appointment I was 142. 

Emotions

So I've written a lot about the nitty gritty of this pregnancy. But I just wanted to write down a few feelings that I've had. I am so incredibly grateful for this baby. I love him/her so much already. I know that things will change a lot adding a third child to the mix, but I'm hopeful that I'll be able to handle it better than I handled the transition from 1-2. 

So, there you have it. I started this post in the early afternoon today, and I'm now finishing it at 8:02 p.m. I'm in bed with a sore leg and I can hear David (who just got home)whispering to Lydia as he lays with her for a few minutes. I couldn't be happier or more grateful for this time in our lives. Two wonderful children and another on the way... it's almost more than my heart can take. I love my little family, and I can scarcely believe that our family of four will soon be a family of five. 

Baby #2 - 39 Weeks

39 weeks! Holy smokes. I realize that you have nine months to get ready for this last week, but somehow it seems to have snuck up on us. I can hardly believe that sometime within the next week or so we'll be bringing home a sweet baby boy from the hospital to join our family forever. 

I'm so excited. I'm also nervous. Will I be able to take care of Lydia as much as she needs while still taking care of my darling baby boy? Will I be able to love him as much as I love her? Will she be okay while we leave for the hospital for two days? Will his birth go well and will he be healthy? So many thoughts and emotions are swirling around in my head all the time. But, I look around me and I see the support system we have in place and I know that everything will be okay. All I have to do is think about David, and I immediately calm down and my worries start to subside. Yesterday we had the opportunity to attend the first session of the Ogden Temple Re-dedication through satellite. Sister Wixom's talk touched my heart, and I basically cried like a baby. (My eyes are welling with tears just thinking about it.) She spoke of the blessings of the temple, and told a story about a family and the different moments in their lives that their temple blessings meant the very most to them. She spoke of the big (and little) events in their lives when they paused and let their temple blessings take hold in their hearts. I feel like we are about to take a big breath and pause in our own little life together as we meet this little boy who already means so much to us. Today I can feel the blessings of our temple endowments and temple sealing and am grateful to know that no matter what happens, this little boy is ours - forever. 

It's hard not to compare this pregnancy to Lydia's. Things are so similar, but also so different. The other day I went back and read my pregnancy letters to Lydia (you can read them here) and it was interesting to remember how I was feeling and what we were doing last time we hit this point in our pregnancy. I hadn't dilated at all at my appointment, I wasn't feeling any early signs of labor at all and we were convinced that she wasn't going to come for another week at least! (We sincerely thought that she would come on the 12th - three days after her due date.) This time around I have been definitely showing signs of my body getting ready; not really contractions, but definite changes. I had my 38 week appointment last Thursday and I was dilated to a 2 (which is where I was when I went to the hospital with Lydia for the first time). I was shocked! I have my 39 week appointment on Wednesday so we'll have to see what Dr. Cloward says then. But obviously, my body is starting to get ready to deliver this little boy. I feel really good during the day still, but I can't do much at night because I'll start having pain in my back or because he's moving around so much that it hurts to do anything but lay down. It's funny because there are some different things going on this time around - but we still have no idea if that means he will come early, or on his due date, or late!

Dr. Cloward (who I absolutely adore), asked me if I wanted to schedule an induction. I was a little surprised, but I guess after your first baby - they are happy to induce you anytime after 39 weeks. In all honesty, as excited as we are to meet this little boy, we are happy to let him stay put as long as he needs to. I feel great, and although I know that this isn't the case for all (or maybe even most) pregnant women - I'm enjoying these last few weeks. I'm just soaking in everything about our little family of three. He'll come when he's ready, and then everything will change. We are excited for those changes, but we are also happy to let them come on their own. I don't know if that makes sense. Also, David will be in Logan for Eide Bailly recruiting/interviews tomorrow and he has a big training/dinner on Thursday, so really we are hoping that baby boy waits until then. Have I mentioned that the 28th is exactly half way between my birthday and David's birthday? We think it would be kind of cool to have him on that day. (So even if we scheduled an induction - it would be the day after our due date.) I feel pretty strongly (for myself) that I'd rather wait for him to come than induce labor, but I'll be honest - sometimes it would be nice to just know what day he was planning on so that I could get everything situated for Lydia. The most stressful thing is knowing the best thing to do with her while I am in labor/in the hospital. It would be nice to be able to make solid plans! Ah, well. Such is life I suppose. Regardless of what happens, I just pray it will go well. 

Oh, also - last week we took a few pictures to memorialize some of my favorite/biggest pregnancy cravings. We were eating donuts (which I have been loving) and I said something like "we should take a picture of me and this donut so we remember how much I liked them" followed by
"too bad we don't have any pepperoni." David started grinning, walked over to the fridge and pulled out a package of pepperoni that he'd picked up at the store. We laughed and decided that we really should do it. I know it's silly, but I think that the pictures turned out so fun! 

  

Because, let's be honest - both Lydia and I have eaten more than our fair share of donuts and cold pepperoni over the last nine months. (My only regret is that we didn't include spaghettios.)

  

So baby boy - you like donuts and cold pepperoni. We can't wait for you to arrive so we can learn even more about you! We already love you so much and are so excited to meet you. 

Baby #2 - 36 Weeks

I was going to do this post at 35 weeks, but...well... blogging is hard lately. So, this probably won't be the most fabulous post I've ever written - but I am determined to get it written and posted today. 

36 weeks! Holy Smokes. Our baby is coming this month (hypothetically). I can hardly believe that in just a few short weeks I'll be holding him in my arms. It makes me smile just to think about it. People have been asking if we are "ready" for this baby to come, and in all honesty - we probably aren't. His nursery isn't even halfway finished, I haven't gone through his clothes - so I actually don't know if we have enough newborn clothes to last longer than a couple of days, and my hospital bag isn't packed. However, we have a bed for him, we have a package of newborn diapers and a package of size one diapers, and we have a carseat base installed in both cars along with a newly washed and ready-to-go infant carseat. Oh, and my mother-in-law just delivered the most beautiful baby-blue-and-grey baby blanket that she made and it's soft and so so perfect! (It's just like Lydia's purple blanket that she loves.) So, technically if he came tomorrow - he would be just fine. I feel very reassured about that and feel like the other final details will fall into place over the next couple of weeks. 

I've been feeling a lot better than I was at 30 weeks. I started taking Iron supplements diligently and it is crazy what a big difference I have felt. Even though I'm getting bigger and definitely feeling 36 weeks pregnant, I don't feel like getting up out of bed/off of the couch is impossible. If I had known that taking iron supplements would make such a big difference - I definitely would have started sooner. (With Lydia they made me a little sick, so I was hesitant to start them up again - but I've been taking them at night before I go to sleep it has helped a lot. I don't notice any nausea this time around.) I'm sleeping pretty well, but I've started waking up several time during the night to go to the bathroom. It's SO hard to pull myself out of bed - and it's ridiculous how little my bladder can hold - but we are managing. I feel pretty good in the mornings, but can barely move my body around at night. (Our stairs are like Mt. Everest at eleven o'clock at night - thankfully David doesn't mind helping to push me up the stairs, or waiting patiently for 10 minutes while I slowly make the ascent.) No real complaints here though, I'm feeling good and grateful for such a healthy and happy pregnancy. Oh, one random pregnancy fact: my belly button is starting to stick out. I've occasionally heard about someone's innie turning to an outie during pregnancy but I didn't really understand and thought it was a weird thing, but my belly button really does stick out - sometimes you can even see it through my shirt. It was completely unexpected because it didn't happen at all with Lydia.

As far as names go, our list keeps getting shorter and shorter - but I don't think that we are sold on any name just quite yet. Austin has really started growing on us, and I wouldn't be surprised if that is the name that we end up with. (Samuel and Curtis are also high-ranked contenders at this point.) I also wouldn't be surprised if we find another name out there in these last remaining weeks. We'll have to wait and see. I think that people think we are crazy because of all of the hoops a name has to jump through just to make it on our list. We are very... scientific about it. Calculating popularity in numbers, comparing pronunciation and spelling, as well as making sure it meets many other criteria. Oh, and in addition to having such a weird last name (because let's be honest - Peaden is a fairly difficult name to work with: all P names are out automatically, and it's hard to pair with any name that ends with "sen" or "son" because it sounds funny), we feel really strongly that we want the middle name to be Scott, which is David's middle name and my dad's name so it's very sentimental but it makes finding a name that sounds good with the middle name Scott just a tad bit more difficult. It's really a miracle that any name has made it to our list. But at least at this point I have hope that our baby boy will not be nameless for longer than a couple of hours. (Previously I wondered if we would ever find a name we both liked that met all of our "standards".) 

On Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood, Daniel Tiger just had a baby sister. (It's a PBS show that we absolutely adore.) I was so excited when I heard that they were doing a big "three-day special" to announce and introduce Daniel Tiger's little sister Baby Margaret. We made sure to watch it, and we both loved it. Also, my dear friend Ashley just had a sweet baby girl, Emily. If you ask her if she's excited about her baby brother, Lydia will say, "Carson and Elsie had baby sister and Daniel Tiger had baby sister. I don't want baby brother - I want baby sister." I guess that everyone else is having baby sisters, so that's what she wants, too. But she will also talk about "Baby Brother" and you can tell that she is so excited for him to come. I don't know how she'll really handle it, but I think that she is just going to love him. One of her favorite books right now is "Baby Bundt" and it's about a sister who helps tuck her baby brother into bed. We talk about how she will be able to help with her baby brother and it's really sweet. Lydia is going to make a great big sister.

Less than four weeks to go! Here's hoping that we can get everything done that we want to. We are excited for this little boy to arrive, but we also realize that everything will change when he gets here - so we are trying to soak up our last weeks of just the three of us and we are enjoying the stage of life that we are at. For now we are happy to be sleeping through the night (for the most part) and getting things ready for baby boy to join us! 

Baby #2 - 30 Weeks

In some ways 30 weeks feels like we are almost done and will be meeting our baby boy any day - I don't know why, I guess it's just that hitting the 30 mark makes it seem so much closer. However, I'm relieved that we are actually a good 10 weeks away because we still have a lot of preparations before our newest family member arrives. I've been feeling really nest-y lately, but it's been focused on other rooms in the house rather than the nursery. I've felt like I have to get those other rooms the way I want them before I can start working on the baby's room. We got a new toddler bed and gorgeous chair for Lydia's room, finally collected the perfect combination of items for the living room and hung them (it finally looks put together after a year and a half of living here), and bought curtains and rugs for the kitchen. All of these things have needed done for a while, but it's taken my nesting energy to finally push us to get them finished. Also, we had to rearrange some furniture upstairs - moving dressers around from room to room and such- and I felt like I couldn't start the nursery until I had the extra dressers out of there so I could really start organizing. I'm so excited though, because now that we've gotten some other things out of the way we are finally starting to make some headway in the nursery. We bought navy blue curtains, navy striped fabric for the bassinet, and some bold navy striped sheets for the crib. I've had a hard time nailing down my vision (not that we will be doing anything extravagant - but I do want things to look nice and put together in there), but with those navy design staples - I'm really excited to get in and start organizing and start adding some more things on the walls and such. It's going to be darling - but good thing I still have ten weeks to work on it! 

Name wise we don't really have anything that we love yet. We have a few names on our list that are starting to grow on us a little bit. (Last time I mentioned this, I had an overwhelming response in support for the name Logan - however, I'm feeling crazy about the name picking thing and I'm worried that if we name him Logan it will reduce his desire to attend Utah State, and that would be so sad!) Our list currently consists of: Austin, Jared, Owen, Oliver, Henry, and possibly Curtis. One of those names might start growing on us, or we may find another name that isn't on the list yet, it's totally up in the air. (Note: Our real favorite names are Oliver and Henry - but they are SO popular, which is the reason that Jackson got nixed from the list. It's hard to know how to balance "too popular" with "we just really like them", so they are staying on the list for now.)

I've been so tired lately. I don't remember feeling this way until I got a little further into my third trimester last time. But I. am. exhausted. It's not a mental exhaustion as much as I just physically am tired and have to push myself to do pretty much anything. We've still tried to hit up the swimming pool a couple times a week because Lydia loves it and it feels so nice, but we've almost completely stopped going to the museum/the farm/the park. I just can't keep up with Lydia and I'm ready to leave a half hour after we get there. At my 28 week appointment, they said that I was a little low on my iron which could explain some of the tiredness (but I'm almost always on the low side when it comes to iron count - even when I'm not pregnant - and I was only slightly under their "just fine" distinction). I've been trying to eat more iron rich foods (pineapple juice anyone?) so hopefully that helps a little. 

Ten weeks seems so close, but when I think back to ten weeks ago we were at our 20 week appointment being told that they were seeing some abnormalities on the ultrasound. That seems like forever ago. (In some ways it doesn't even feel real, because everyone pretty much ignores the fact that it even happened after our follow up ultrasound with Maternal Fetal Medicine. We've decided not to worry about it, because even if something does come up after baby boy is born it won't change how much we love him and we'll deal with it as it comes.) So much has changed in the last ten weeks, and I'm sure that even more will change over the next ten weeks as we prepare for this sweet baby boy to come home to us. 

17 Weeks: Baby #2

When we were pregnant with Lydia, we documented each week by taking a picture and writing a little letter to her. I love looking back and reading through those letters and remembering the feelings that we experienced. I also think that it helped me (personally) to bond with Lydia in a way that I wouldn't have been able to otherwise. It's been fun to look back and compare the differences between pregnancy #1 and #2. I've wanted to do the same thing for this new baby, but I changed a few things that I wish I had included the first time around (like, the date at the top of the day that I turned "-- weeks" so that when looking back I have a good idea of what time of year it was). Saturday marked day one of week 17:

 

I didn't start documenting as early last time, but looking back... I think that I am showing pretty much on the same schedule as before. Week 16, 17, 18 was when my bump started to arrive. It's amazing to think that there is this little baby the size of a turnip growing inside that tummy of mine. I am excited, because I love seeing the results of this tiny baby growing.

Some other things from the last several weeks:
-I felt so much better than I did when I was pregnant with Lydia all through the first trimester. Every person that I met said that meant that I was having a boy, because girls make you much sicker. It might be a boy, but it's just so hard to really compare because my lifestyle is so different than what it was before. (Waking up early and being a high-energy teacher all day vs. Setting my own pace for the day and eating when I want.) For a long while, I was really sad for a while and kept trying to find reasons why it would be a girl - because I really want a little sister for Lydia. But I think I've gotten over that, and now I will be genuinely happy with a little boy or little girl. I've seen some really cute little brother/big sister combos lately - and I just think that whatever happens we will be the happiest little family. I've also started slipping and calling the baby a him occasionally, so I don't know if that means anything. (I do sometimes call the baby a her, as well - but before I never really said "him".)

-I say that I've been feeling really great in comparison to last time, but through the first trimester I still felt nauseous in the mornings and didn't have a ton of energy (especially at first). Last time I hit 14 weeks and almost overnight I felt awesome. I was sick, sick, sick, then one morning I woke up and felt a little better, then the next day I felt even better, and I never really got so sick again. I was really looking forward to that again this time - but if anything, I hit 15 weeks and I started feeling even more sick! Not necessarily in the mornings, I wasn't so queasy right when I woke up, but more of an all day yuckiness. I'm starting to feel a little bit better, but I'm a little grumpy that I let myself get so excited about "magically not being sick anymore" and then right when I was hoping for the magic cure was when I started to feel more sick. I hope that I do start feeling better though. I'll be in my second trimester for most of the summer - and I love that second trimester. I'm hoping that it will be really awesome.

-We scheduled our 20 week appointment/gender check! It's in just over three weeks and we are so excited!

-Lydia is so cute and when you ask her where the baby is she'll say a combination of the words "Doctor. Mommy. Baby. Tummy. Heartbeat." It's super sweet.

-I've been eating a ton of Spaghettios over the last month. However, last time I went to the store I bought the ones with added calcium because I figured if I was going to eat them I may as well make them as healthy as possible - but I had forgotten that the only reason I was eating them is because the way my pregnant body liked the way they taste! Apparently, the calcium changes the taste slightly and they aren't quite up to snuff. However, they still seem to settle my stomach - so we'll survive. I also crave cold pepperoni and was eating bags of the stuff until I realized that it probably fell into the same category as lunch meat (which I also crave). I read some stuff online saying that it isn't really a Listeria hazard because it's been salted and dried like salami (shelf-stable until opened). But better safe than sorry!

(Today is Easter, and we are planning to host my family for Easter Dinner tonight - but I wanted to get this post posted as close to 17 weeks as possible. I'll have another post about Easter tomorrow!)