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Showing posts with label Baby #3. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Baby #3. Show all posts

Monday, March 13, 2017

Caleb's Birth Story

David and I sat down on our second day in the hospital with Caleb and wrote out most of Caleb's birth story. It's important to us to record things like this, but we knew that it would just get harder once we left the hospital. I love that we were able to write this together, and although there are loads of details that most people don't care about - I'm glad to know that we have this incredible experience recorded for our own history.

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The Birth Story of Caleb Samuel Peaden: 
David Comments in Italics


I'll be honest- I thought that I knew what to expect with Caleb's birth. (Spoiler: I didn't, not really.) I thought that I had a pretty good idea of what was going to happen and the timeline for that - and although I was feeling a bit nervous about the labor itself I had done a lot of reflecting on Austin's birth and researching the stages/signs that I had missed last time, and I really was feeling good about things. Until Thursday March 2nd.

You should also know my mindset as all of this is taking place. Ever since I knew we were having a baby, my biggest concern was just making it to the hospital on time. Since Austin came so fast, I knew there was a good chance our next baby would be pretty fast as well. As nice as things worked out with him, I really wanted to get to the hospital before 5 minutes before birth. Because of this, I basically figured the baby could really come any time after March 1st and I wanted to make sure we were ready. 

The thing is, I'd never really had contractions with Lydia or Austin until it was the day that they were born. Not even Braxton-Hicks contractions. I'd been having a few Braxton-Hicks contractions here and there, which was interesting but not a huge deal - but Thursday night I started having some harder, real contractions. It was 8 o'clock at night, and although they weren't really regular or painful (just kind of uncomfortable) both David and I started to worry that they would turn into real contractions in the middle of the night. This is where we realized just how concerned we were about having someone to take care of our kids if we needed to go to the hospital quickly. We had talked to several people who had volunteered to come over to our home in the middle of the night if we needed them, but before this point I hadn't realized how anxious this made me. When your hospital plan is "Go to the Hospital as soon as you start Active Labor", the "Early Labor" stage is much more stressful because you have no idea when Early Labor will turn into Active Labor.

It is such a balance, because you don't want to call someone in the middle of the night for a false alarm, but you really don't want to be calling neighbors at 2 am when that active labor is going and it is really time to go the hospital. 

That Thursday night, we decided to call Amy and just have her come down and stay with us in case we needed to go to the Hospital - and although my contractions kept coming for about 4 hours (not very regular - but uncomfortable enough to think that Active Labor could be around the corner) they stopped at about 12:30. I felt both silly for having asked Amy to come down on a false alarm and incredibly relieved that she had been there and I didn't have to worry about calling someone to watch the kids at 3 a.m.

From then on, I didn't really stop having contractions. They weren't regular and they varied in the level of discomfort (ranging from tightening like a Braxton-Hicks to mild discomfort) but I had them throughout the day and every time I woke up in the night. It started to play mind games with me because I wasn't sure that I'd be able to catch the signs that those irregular contractions were turning real until it was too late. On Monday, my mom volunteered to come down and stay with us (it worked out because my Dad was going up to the ranch to help my Grandpa). I just really, really, really wanted my mom to be with me. It was such a relief to me, especially during the night because I didn't have to stress if I had three contractions 5 minutes apart - I knew that if it turned into anything my mom would just be there to watch the kids and everything would be fine.

I should also note that although I wasn't particularly anxious, or overly wishing that Caleb would come early - I had let the fact that he had measured 6 days ahead get into my head. So instead of just assuming that he'd come about the same time as L&A, we felt like he really could come anytime in the couple of weeks leading up to his due date. We weren't hoping that he'd come early, but we did want to be prepared just in case - which meant for a long (read=emotionally tiring) couple of weeks.

And that leads us to:

Friday March 10th

Friday morning I had my 39 week doctor's appointment at Legacy OB with Dr. Thomas. I felt kind of silly about this because I'd been pretty vocal with... well everyone... about how I probably wouldn't be to this appointment. Most of that is just that I was a little bugged that when I had to switch doctors, my 39 week appointment got bumped from the beginning of the week to Thursday the 9th, and then got bumped again to Friday the 10th - when instead of being exactly 39 weeks I was 39 weeks and 4 days - the longest I'd ever been pregnant. I wasn't really bugged, just felt like I should make it clear that even though I definitely could switch appointment days - it probably just meant that I wouldn't make it to the 39 week appointment. Ha. So I felt a little sheepish when it was clear that I was going to make it to the appointment. (Not that anyone else remembered, I wasn't ever bratty about it or anything - I just had convinced myself that I wouldn't be to the appointment and felt silly.) Happily, David said that he had time to come to the appointment with me that morning, and I was looking forward to having him there with me. My mom said that she'd watch Austin for us, and so we dropped Lydia off at her preschool and headed the the doctors office.

It really was so funny to hear Shantel talk about not really wanting to go to the appointment because she had made it very clear to everyone who would listen that she probably would not make it that long (As it turns out- she was almost right). Also, Shantel's dream labor was having her water break so she could just get admitted to the hospital. Mine was that she would show up to her 39 week appointment with the doctor and he would check her and she would just happen to be at a 5 and get admitted. 

At the appointment, everything checked out fine. I was dilated to a 3.5ish, my blood pressure & urine sample looked great. We talked a little bit about what to expect and when to go to the hospital - but nothing really new (David missed out on his wish). Dr. Thomas did say that he would be on call this weekend and that if we wanted to schedule an induction we could either schedule it for later that day, for Saturday morning, or for any day the following week. I didn't really want to get induced but it was good to know that those options were there.

I was secretly hoping that I'd start having contractions and we could just head to the hospital and I really didn't want David to leave for work. We sat in the car for a minute and talked and then decided to go grab a quick breakfast sandwich and sneak a little last-minute date. (This was about 10:15.) It was so nice to take just a few minutes together and even though I know it was not so conducive to David's busy season work schedule - I'm glad we took the time for it.

Reluctantly, Shantel let me go to work (At a client, Revere Health, in Provo). Actually I told her that I would love to stay with her, but that if she was not having a baby, then I probably had to go to work. Shantel was very tempted to call for an induction, not to get the baby here, but to keep me with her. She is so sweet. 

I got home, did a few Red Ladder Design things while Austin played next to me. At about 11:45, we packed up into the van to go pick up Lydia from preschool. My mom came too, because Lydia really wanted her to come see her preschool (even though she's seen it before). On the way over, I commented that I'd had a few stronger contractions that might have been closer together but that it's hard to track contractions when you're having them all day long. At her encouragement though, I pulled out my phone to a contraction timing app and started timing them. We headed to Little Caesars to pick up a pizza and then back to the house. It took about an hour and I was consistently having contractions about 5 minutes apart, although they weren't particularly hard or uncomfortable. My dad had decided to come visit and after eating lunch, the kids and I convinced him to come to the Thanksgiving Point Farm with us to walk around and look at the horses and goats. It was nice to get outside in the beautiful sunshine and walk around. The kids loved the Farm (our first visit this year) and I loved spending the time with my dad. I kept timing the contractions (holding steady at 5 minutes apart) but was mostly grateful for the distraction because I didn't have to worry about it very much. I could tell that my dad was starting to get worried about me more and more each time I pulled out my phone to enter another start/stop - and we decided that we should head home.


Sidenote: Before we left for the farm I had called David to just update him on how things were going. It was hard to know exactly what to do, but we decided that he'd finish up some things that he was working on there and that then he'd head to the Lehi Office so that he could be closer. I didn't realize until we got home that he had actually just come home to work from the house.

We had talked on the phone, and she told me to go ahead and finish a few things. So I said a quick prayer to Heavenly Father to help me know what to do and if I needed to head home right now or if I could wait a little bit. I felt right away that I needed to be at home with Shantel to be there to know when to go to the hospital, but also to just support her and make sure she felt safe and comforted. I packed up right away and headed home to work upstairs. 

I felt a little guilty about having David come home, because I wasn't even sure that these contractions were headed anywhere. (Even though I was incredibly grateful to have him there.) I was feeling like we should just call Dr. Thomas and see if he could still get us on the schedule for an induction for the day, so we could go to the hospital and they could just make the Early Labor turn into Active Labor because I was feeling pretty emotionally exhausted about the whole thing. (I was just feeling a lot of pressure because so many people were at the house and David had come home from work. Plus, March 10 sounded like such a good day and it would be so nice to have the first two hospital days be on the weekend so that David could take his paternity leave during the week and kind of extend that time. All of these were really superficial reasons, but it was still taking a lot of emotional energy to work through it all.)

I tried to really calm Shantel and just let her know that there was no pressure at all, if she went into labor great, if not, we were doing great and were just fine. I had worked from home for a little bit before Shantel got back from the farm, but once she was home, she needed my attention and I put my work away. 

We started to discuss what to do in terms of induction. We had actually discussed it earlier and while we leaned to not inducing until at least after the due date, we did consider it just to remove some of the stress Shantel was feeling around labor and also to make sure we made it to the hospital. After saying a prayer, we decided to call and set up an induction for Saturday morning (the 11th). We were not set on actually doing the induction, but we felt like it might remove some of the stress that Shantel was feeling and we could always call and decide not to be induced. Especially since it was Friday, we wanted to call before the office closed for the weekend. As it turns out we call just after 4 and the office was already closed, but after a few calls, Shantel was able to get it set up. 

I had Shantel lay down and we cuddled for a few minutes so she could rest and take a nap. You could see she was finally relaxing a bit. Even though it does not sound so stressful, it really had been a very emotionally taxing day for her. 

As we're writing this out, I feel like it's sounding kind of negative. It was actually a really wonderful day: the morning with David at the doctor's and eating breakfast, picking up pizza with my mom and the kids (who loved it - plus loved the fact that my mom gave them quarters to get bouncy balls from a machine), the afternoon walking around the farm with my kids and my dad. *sigh* Everything was pretty much perfect. But I also feel like it's important to understand that it was also hard, mentally, to know what was going to happen and what we should do. It was nice to lay down, and I turned on a podcast about powerful & fearless birth to listen to while I rested. I figure that I laid down about 4:15-4:30 and not long after laying down - the contractions all but went away. It was fine, I felt a little silly about all the hubub, but glad for a chance to just relax for a bit. The kids were fine, I could hear them laughing and running around downstairs. At one point, Lydia (my sweetest Lydia) came up and snuck in through my door and asked "Do you want me to rub your back for you???" (insert tear filled eyes, here). She helped pull up my shirt and rubbed my back for several minutes while we just chatted. It was clear that she knew something was up, and I was grateful for her sweet gesture of love to me. After a while of talking, she ran back downstairs to play - but that is one of my sweetest moments of the day.

My mom had come in and I told her the contractions had stopped but that I was just resting, and the same thing with David. David's parents showed up between 5 and 5:30 because Sue had finished Caleb's baby blanket and they wanted to drop it off.

My parents got there around 5:30 and we just chatted for a few minutes. The last time we had talked it sounded like we thought we were going to the hospital that night. So when they got there, I let them know "we're probably not having a baby tonight." They had fun playing with the kids. I was planning to make an "easy" dinner from our easy meals list that we planned for after the baby, but my parents offered so nicely to get us dinner too. It was about 6 pm and I went to check with Shantel and see what she wanted and also see what she thought the kids would like best. 

I told him that I didn't really want anything. Right before he'd come in - I had a more-intense contraction, but it's hard to know if your mind is playing tricks on you at that point. Then while he was there I had another, and by the third he was telling me "Let's just send the kids home with my parents, just in case."

Since they were already there, I told Shantel that if we ended up not having the baby we could just go get them in the morning. We felt really good about that. So I marched back downstairs and asked my parents if they would pack up the kids and just take them home with them instead of doing dinner. They were so great and just went with the change of pace and started helping to get the kids things ready to go. For the next 20 minutes I alternated between, checking on Shantel, getting all of the kids last minutes things together (which consisted mostly of finding all of the things the kids had moved from the couch that we had got ready earlier and finding shoes and socks), and putting in the car the final few things for us (computer, blow dryer etc.). 

Within about 5 to 10 minutes after I had checked on Shantel it became very clear that this baby was coming that night. At one point I came in the room to check on her and she was leaning over against the bed working through a contraction and I could tell they had reached a much higher level. I had been telling Shantel for months, that as soon as she said, "I want to get into the bath," that means it is time to go to the hospital. A few minutes later she said that she wanted to get in the bath and we both looked at each other and even through her contraction we smiled and I told her that we were headed to the hospital. That is one of those things that I truly love about Shantel, those moments when I look in her eyes and we laugh about something silly or funny or anything. She really thinks that I am funny and I loved that sweet moment that even as she was having contractions she was being a little funny about getting in the bath, and I was being funny that we were headed to the hospital, and yet we were 100% serious on both counts and so it made us laugh. Hopefully that captures what it is like for us, it is hard to explain, but it makes our marriage a joy. 

I feel like things changed in the space of 3 contractions. I was just relaxing in bed, then all the sudden I was pretty sure we were headed to the hospital. I asked David to bring the kids up to me to I could be with them and say goodbye. Lydia was excited to be going to Grandma and Grandpa's house and even more excited when I told her that we were going to go to the hospital to have the baby and she would get to meet him soon. She was kind of bouncing around and I was just so happy to be sitting on the floor of my bedroom with my two kids - telling them that I loved them. Austin decided that he needed to go potty, so I walked him into the bathroom and sat in front of him on the floor while he chatted with me about going potty and going to grandma and grandpa's. This is another special moment for me, because it was a tiny moment of one-on-one time with Austin where I was able to sit with him and show him (and tell him) that I loved him while having his mostly-undivided attention. I needed those moments to be emotionally ready to leave for the hospital and I'm so glad that it worked out that I could spend those few minutes with them while David was finishing getting everything ready.

My contractions were steadily getting more intense (although I wasn't timing them - so I don't know how far apart they were). I was also feeling very emotional/weepy. As Cal and Sue were walking out the front door with Lydia and Austin I turned to my mom with tears pooling in my eyes and told her that I missed them already and wanted to stay with them. Even in the moment I could tell that this was the real deal. My body was getting ready, including flooding itself with oxytocin (love) hormones. (And I just really love my kids.)

I helped Shantel to the car and we headed off. Just as we were getting on the freeway we noticed a pretty big back up on I-15, which is pretty typical for 6:30 on a Friday night. I quickly mapped the time to the hospital and it said it was only about 18 minutes and that the delay cleared soon. I noticed the clock and it was about 6:32. We drove to the hospital as fast as we could. Another tender mercy from Heavenly Father, just earlier I had met Shantel at her doctor which is by the hospital, but missed the usual exit and had to take the next exit. My maps was actually taking us that route because American Fork main was slower- but I was way more confidant going that way since I had just driven it earlier that day. 

Shantel was definitely working through contractions, but she was breathing well and I just tried to encourage her. She kept saying, "I got this." As we got closer I told her I was going to pull up to the doors and help her up (because of what happened with Austin) and immediately she gave me a look that said no way. She made it clear she did not want to leave me. However, I could see it would be hard to walk far. Fortunately, there was an open parking spot pretty close to the door and it was close enough that I took it. It took a few minute to walk into the hospital, to the elevators and into labor and deliver. At each contraction we stopped and I held her hand until it was over. The front desk took a couple of basic information things and were admitted to the hospital at 6:56 pm, and then the nurses showed us to the triage room. As soon as Shantel stepped inside, she tensed up. It is the same room that she had such a bad experience at during Lydia's pregnancy. I told her that I would take care of her and that it was totally different and that it would be okay. She relaxed and asked to use the bathroom and so the nurses left while I helped her. 

We made sure that she did not have to lay down on the bed, but sat up and worked through each contraction, except while while they checked her to see how along she was. 

I had done a lot of research and preparation for this baby's labor, especially as I got closer and closer to the end. I don't have anything against epidurals, but I've found that the only real information about managing your labor come from "natural birthing" books and resources. I felt a hundred times more prepared with Austin's labor than Lydia's labor, and this time I wanted to be even more prepared in case we didn't get to the hospital in time. Some of the things that I found the most helpful this time were focusing on positive affirmation statements within my own mind/my own self. I repeated "I'm opening my body for my baby" and "I can do all things... through Christ (who strengthens me)." I prayed frequently for Heavenly Father to grant me strength and confidence. I also (apparently out loud) would prep myself my saying "I've got this" right before a new wave would come.

Sidenote: David had given me a beautiful blessing on Sunday February 26th as we were preparing for the birth of our precious baby. In addition to blessing us (Caleb and I) with a safe delivery, he blessed me that I would be filled with Strength and Confidence. Those two words echoed through my head over the course of the next two weeks, and filled my soul as I was actually working to bring my sweet boy into the world.

I was nervous about going to the triage room (seriously, some bad feelings about those rooms), but David helped me stay calm and helped me stay assertive about not laying down in the triage bed. They really wanted me in the bed so that they could have the baby on the monitor, but David got them to sit it up all the way with the bottom of the bed down so it was more like I was sitting in a chair and it was much more comfortable and manageable. They checked me at 7:06 and said that I was dilated to a 5 and fully effaced. They wanted 20 minutes of heartbeat monitoring for the baby, but they ended up doing just less than ten minutes before moving us to a Labor and Delivery room to get the rest of the reading and to start getting us set up.

They had asked if I wanted an epidural when we first came in. I took a deep breath, thought about it, and said yes. I'd considered doing an unmedicated birth, especially because so much of the information that I'd been reading was about unmedicated births. However, I feel like I made the decision very intentionally and that it wasn't fear-based. I think that there are some advantages and disadvantages to having an epidural but that I thought about each of those things in succession and made a choice. I don't regret it, although I feel confident that I could have chosen the other way and been just as happy. Unfortunately, the Anesthesiologist had just gone into a C-Section and wasn't able to come in right away. I asked if I could get into the bathtub while we waited, but they wanted to get the last half of the baby's heartbeat readings on the chart. This is the only thing that I wish would have gone slightly differently. I would have loved to have been able to get into the bathtub. As it was though, I just sat on the edge of the bed with David either behind or sitting next to me me rubbing my back and telling me that I was amazing and that I was doing it and that he loved me.

You hear sometimes about how women in labor get angry at their husbands. I feel like I have the exact opposite reaction. During this time I feel a flood of so much love for David, I just can't help but think over and over how grateful I am for him, how he's my best friend, how I love him so much. The feelings are so BIG. So in addition to my positive affirmations for myself, I also would respond to David's kind and supportive words with my own feelings about how much I loved him. I know I wasn't able to get into the bathtub like I wanted to, but this almost-hour of sitting with him on the edge of the bed was so special. Between each contraction-wave, we'd make corny jokes to each other, laugh about whatever we could think of, and tell each other how important and special they were. Then during each contraction, I would retreat into myself - letting my body relax, breathing and talking myself through, and David would rub my back and tell me how amazing I was. At this point I was noticing my legs starting to shake quite a bit.

Shantel really did so great during this time. It took longer than they thought to get the epidural because they planned to have one doctor step out of the C-section and then when he couldn't they finally called another anesthesiologist to come and do the epidural. By this time it must have been about 8:05 or 8:10. 

So, in retrospect - it might have been better to decide against the epidural and have just been able to get in the bathtub as soon as they finished getting the baby readings that they needed. They deflected a couple of times saying that the anesthesiologist would be there soon, but did actually end up filling the tub. At that point though, I didn't want to move anywhere, especially if I was going to have to move back anytime soon.

The anesthesiologist came in and made a few jokes, which I ignored. In fact, I pretty much ignored everything that he said and just let David answer his questions. Luckily, I didn't have to move at all because I was already sitting on the edge of the bed. I just had to curl forward to get the epidural. At this point, I was starting to feel a little bit of pushing action and was surprised that they weren't going to check me before giving me the epidural because we had told them that I have pretty fast labors and we'd been there for over an hour. But I wasn't going to say anything about it because I didn't want them to decide that I couldn't get the epidural after all - ha. I think he felt bad that it had taken so long to get to me, because he decided to give me the special fast-acting epidural. (I don't really know the details about what that means, except that I got the same kind of epidural with Lydia.) Before the next contraction hit, I was completely numb from my ribs down. They then checked me and said that I was at an 8 (at 8:15).

One of the benefits of getting an epidural is this small window of peace in the middle of the crazy whirlwind of giving birth. David and I were able to sit and breathe for a minute. We called my mom and I got to tell her that I loved her. We looked out the window at the beautiful view of the Mt. Timpanogos Temple and I cried about the beautiful symbolism of being able to see the temple as I gave birth to my sweet baby. We took a picture together and laughed. It was a beautiful pause where we got to join together to gear up for the next stage of our lives.

It was really nice, even for 35 minutes for Shantel to just rest a little bit, she kept saying, "I'm so tired," and it really helped her get refreshed and ready to go. 

Dr. Thomas came in just before 8:50 and we were just chatting it up with him. We joked about seeing him again so soon, and also how I really didn't want to be induced. We talked about breaking my waters and he said, "We can do whatever you want. If we break your water, things will probably go a bit faster. If we wait for it to break on it's own things might take a little longer, but either way I don't think it will take too long." So I'm thinking we have about another half hour, right?

I was thinking about 15 minutes if he broke her water. 

I tell him to go ahead. The next six minutes happened faster than I can possibly describe. At exactly 8:50 Dr. Thomas checks me and declares me at a 10 and complete. I waved my arm to David and said "text that to me!" (so I could have a record of the exact time). Seconds later, Dr. Thomas breaks my water and says that there was meconium in the fluid. He did a great job of staying calm and not panicking me at all. I know that if a baby has a bowl movement prior to birth it can mean that they are in distress and that there is concern because if they breathe it in right after delivery it can cause major problems. But he just told me that what it meant is that they'd have a respiratory team present at the birth and that if it looked like there was a problem, they'd take the baby and make sure that he was breathing okay. I was nodding along with him when he said, "Are you ready to start pushing? We're going to start pushing now."  I was a little shocked, because I hadn't anticipated pushing quite so soon - but one of the nurses must have gone and grabbed everyone else because all the sudden the room was filled with people and I was preparing to push. Within seconds they had helped me get into position and as soon as the contraction came, they told me to take a deep breath and push. I started laughing halfway through the push because I was so surprised at how quickly things had moved and I was trying to wrap my head about things. But then everyone started saying "We can see his head! Keep pushing!" I looked at David and asked him "You can see him???" David nodded his head with excitement in his eyes and said that yes, he could see the head! I took another breath and started pushing again, watching David and feeding off of his excitement because I could feel nothing that was happening. It felt so surreal! The nurse said, "The contraction is still going - we can get one more push!" So I took one more deep breath and pushed as hard as I could without being about to feel anything other than my arms and all the sudden Caleb was there! He was born at 8:56 p.m.

It was amazing to see just a silver dollar size part of his head, and then more and more until he was born, it was beautiful. 

I can not describe how crazy this moment felt. It came so incredibly fast, and I barely had two minutes to realize that I was going to be holding my baby so soon. I was a little shocked, but held out my hands and asked for him to come to me. I was trying to unstrap my gown because I wanted him on my chest right away. The nurse said something about drying him on a towel on my stomach first, but I said that I just wanted him the way that he was, so she helped me get him up to my chest. Immediately, I started talking to him and whispering how much I loved him. I wish there was a way to capture with words how much love there is during the birth of a child. I felt waves of love washing over me, filling me up - filling the whole room. It seemed impossible that everyone in the room wasn't overwhelmed with the incredible amount of emotion and sacredness that I was feeling. Apparently, it's pretty routine for them because at one point one of the nurses who was working on something close to my head kept chatting pretty loudly with one of the other nurses about something completely unrelated. I started "shhhh"-ing, finally touching her arm and "shhhh"-ing. I don't know if she knew I was talking to her, or if she thought I was trying to quiet my crying baby - but eventually she stopped (or maybe I just tuned her out).

Dr. Thomas had said something like "That's a big boy" or "he's pretty big!" but I didn't really think much about it. The nurse wanted to take him to weigh him, but I wasn't ready for them to take him yet. David said that it wasn't any sooner than with the Lydia and Austin, but I guess everything had happened so fast that I just wasn't ready to let go of my baby yet. It felt much sooner. So I deflected and told her that she could later - but not yet. Finally, right before Dr. Thomas left they asked if they could take him so that they could finish out the chart. David walked over with Caleb to the scale and when they said "8 lbs 13 oz" I about died! I'm pretty sure I gasped out loud. I can't believe how big he was, especially because I actually felt smaller toward the end of my pregnancy than I had with either of the other two (they were both 7 lbs 3 oz). I did feel like he was always very cramped though - he didn't kick much, just stretched out like he didn't have enough room.

Other things to note:
--I was more grateful for the epidural for the after-birth work than even for the delivery. It was nice to just be able to hold my baby without the pain of them pushing on my stomach or during the stitches.
--I had two small tears, one was about an inch long and the other much smaller than that. They both were fairly superficial (meaning they didn't go very deep).
--Dr. Thomas asked if we wanted to see the placenta, which was really cool. After it had all been delivered he held it up and explained the parts of the placenta and birth sac. Neither of us had ever really seen it because we'd been focused on other things - so it was cool that he took the time to show us.
--I had started shaking a little bit before the epidural, but after Caleb was born I started shaking pretty badly. It started small, but got to the point that I felt like my entire body was shaking out of control. I don't know if it felt much more extreme than it was, because no one seemed worried at all - while I felt like I was having a seizure. I asked the nurse, but she said it was normal.
--I also was itching SO badly. My neck and chest and arms were so itchy, and as the epidural started wearing off, the rest of my body progressively got itchy as well. By the morning it was gone, but man it was itchy! (I think this is a side effect of the epidural, so probably worth it... but...)
--He did a great job latching and eating the very first time, for a full ten minutes on each side.
--When we moved down to the mother/baby floor, I was so tired. I'm pretty sure I fell asleep in the wheelchair on the way down, and when the nurse was talking to us to get us set up in that room I couldn't keep my eyes open and basically just mm-hmmed anytime I thought she was trying to get an answer from me. David was a champ for just doing all of the talking.


Shantel held Caleb for a long time until it was about time to head down to the Mother and Baby rooms. She handed Caleb over to me and it was amazing to hold my little baby. Shantel got in the wheelchair and we packed up the room and headed downstairs. We got settled and Shantel fed Caleb again and he did great once again and then it was late and we got all settled in for the night. Caleb had been spitting up a lot of amniotic fluid and so we did not want to leave him in his basinet, so Shantel held him with her all night long. The nurses came in periodically, but for the most part, we went to sleep and got some rest. We'll cover the next couple days in the hospital with another post, but Shantel did want to include something special from Sunday. 

Sunday morning, we had the opportunity to take the Sacrament at the hospital. There were two senior couples who are assigned to bring the Sacrament to those staying in the hospital and they had asked if we'd like them to come. Of course, we said yes. In preparation, David found a beautiful conference talk: "No Greater Joy Than to Know That They Know" by Elder K. Brett Nattress of the Seventy for us to watch together. The senior couples arrived and blessed the sacrament for us. During the sacrament prayer on the bread I was filled with such gratitude for the answers to prayers that we had received. I didn't specify while writing out Caleb's birth story - but in addition to the blessing that David gave to me the week before Caleb was born, that day he said many prayers for us together, like as we got into the car to head to the hospital and right before the anesthesiologist came to give the epidural. So many answered prayers. The spirit bore such a sweet witness about having Caleb in our family and a reminder that the strength and courage I was blessed with would continue to serve me throughout my life as a mother. As I listened to the words of the prayers I felt so strongly the importance of remembering the Savior and having his spirit with me as I strive to be a good mother to Caleb (and Lydia and Austin.) I had tears streaming down my face as I was able to partake of the sacrament. Afterwards, one of the sisters shared a brief message about family prayer and how important it was, even if it was in a car on the way to school - and both David and felt strongly the truth of the message. We want to be good parents. We want to show our children love through everything life might bring us. We want them to know that God loves them, no matter what happens. We want to have the spirit in our lives and teach our children the blessings of the gospel. I pray that we will be able to show this love throughout all our lives.

The few days that we were in the hospital we had many visitors, Caleb had his first bath, and David and I got to rest and soak in our tiny (8 lbs 13 oz is still tiny when you're talking about a little human!) baby. We bonded together and enjoyed every second (and every slice of chocolate mousse cake). I'm so grateful that Caleb's birth went so smoothly, but more than anything I'm glad that he arrived safely and that we have him home with us now. He's already the perfect addition to our family. We are so blessed to be together!
 



Friday, March 10, 2017

Introducing...

Caleb Samuel Peaden
March 10, 2017
8:56 p.m.
8 lbs 13 oz
20 inches long


We are thrilled to announce that this sweet boy has finally arrived. He is perfect in every way and we couldn't possibly love him more. He came quickly, once he decided he was ready - arriving exactly two hours after we were admitted to the hospital and only three hours after active labor began.

It took a long time to find a name that we loved (and for a while I got stuck thinking I wanted a Irish/Scottish name). But in the end, we love his name and feel like it fits him perfectly. We named him Caleb (of Hebrew origin) meaning "faith, devotion, whole hearted". In the bible, Caleb, a companion of Moses and Joshua, was noted for his astute powers of observation and fearlessness in the face of overwhelming odds and for his devotion to God.

Although it was quite the struggle to find a first name that we felt good about, we knew from almost the very beginning that we wanted to use the middle name Samuel after Caleb's uncle, Sam Rencher.

We have always admired Sam for many reasons and hope that Caleb will have his same characteristics: kindness, faith in Christ, selflessness, a fun and joyous spirit, the capacity to listen to the Holy Ghost. Both Sam and Wendy have been terrific mentors for us in parenting and in marriage and we have tried to emulate them and their goodness. We want to raise our children in the way they have raised theirs, with love and righteousness and goodness. In fact, we almost thought about naming him Caleb “Wendy & Sam” Peaden, but thought that might be a bit long. We are blessed to be surrounded by many, many incredible family members - but hope that as Caleb grows he will be able to identify and emulate the goodness that Sam exemplifies. 


 We love you sweet Caleb. We're so glad that you are in our family! 

Tuesday, March 7, 2017

39 Weeks: Baby #3 Pregnancy Update

I wasn't planning to do a 39 week blog post, but I'm having some feelings and I want to write them all down.
39 Weeks

I may have mentioned this before, but early on in pregnancy I started getting into my head that this baby was going to be coming early. Not so early - but earlier than my other kids. From the very beginning until about 30 weeks he was measuring 6 days early. I knew it wasn't a huge deal - but adding that to the fact that there was some confusion between my doctors office and my BabyCenterApp (ha) about my actual due date (March 7 vs March 13), I let myself get sucked in. I really tried not to, because I always think it's silly when people say "My due date is this... but I just know that I'll be early." Because no one really knows that. But, I also didn't want to be unprepared if this baby did decide to make his appearance early. (And March 7 or March 10 sound so much nicer than March 13 - ha.)

Even though I let myself get kind of sucked in to the thought that this baby would be early - I've not been particularly anxious about getting him here sooner. I have fairly easy pregnancies and haven't ever hit the point of feeling so uncomfortable or sick of being pregnant that I just want to be done. Plus, I believe that babies should be allowed as much time as they need to grow in-utero as possible. (So many benefits for those little babies!) So we decided against being induced even though the fact that Austin came so fast does make us a little nervous. Honestly, I'm just grateful to be pregnant and happy to enjoy the last few weeks of my little family of four (and of sleeping through the night).

However, Thursday night (March 2) I started having some more frequent contractions just before 8 o'clock. (I've been having Braxton-Hicks contractions, or maybe some real contractions here and there - but absolutely nothing frequent or regular.)  I'd just gotten the kids down to bed and was sitting in my baby's nursery working on something on the computer. David was still at work, because - busy season, but was planning to come home about 8:30. The contractions weren't painful, but they were uncomfortable and when I started timing them I saw that they were roughly 6 minutes apart. I wrote a couple of texts to David asking him to come home early, but deleted them before I sent then because I figured that he'd be home soon enough. He ended up coming home early, about 8:15 - and I was grateful! The contractions started coming much less regularly, sometimes 5 minutes apart, sometimes 30 minutes. I wasn't convinced that this was real labor, I mean - it obviously wasn't active labor but who knows when pre-labor turns into Early Labor. It was just after 9ish (9:30? I'm not sure). We decided to call David's sister Amy because even though it was clear that we weren't heading to the hospital right then, we didn't know if we'd be going at 1 in the morning and we figured that it was better to call Amy and just ask her to sleep at our house instead of calling her at midnight, waking her up and asking her to come. I was still having irregular contractions and flipped back and forth between feeling silly for calling Amy so soon and being so glad that she was there and I didn't have to worry about leaving my kids at night.

I headed up to bed about ten-thirty because I was tired and uncomfortable. The contractions kept coming until about 12:30 when I assume they stopped because I fell asleep for the night and woke up the next morning. During that time, I had a very very vivid dream that the contractions had stopped - so we had taken the kids to the swimming pool and as we were leaving I suddenly delivered the baby and we were trying to drive to the hospital to make sure that everything was okay. I just remember holding my sweet boy in my arms and feeling so happy and so much love, then waking up and realizing that I did not have my baby during the night. It was so weird. And so hard to shake.

We had a nice "Amy-Day" to make up for calling her to come on a false alarm (really just an excuse to hang out with her). She played with the kids and in the afternoon, she and I went and got pedicures while Lydia played at a friends house (and Austin played games on my phone on my lap). It was so relaxing and exactly what I needed, but...

Since then, I've been feeling SO off balance.

I never had any contractions with Lydia OR Austin until it was the day. But now I have contractions all day long, and even through the night. They aren't regular at all. I might have several just 5-10 minutes apart and then not another one for two hours. They range from not uncomfortable at all (just tightening = Braxton Hicks?) to definitely uncomfortable and edging on painful. I wouldn't be worried so much except Austin came so fast, I've been afraid that I won't pay attention soon enough to get David home and the kids set up before we need to leave.

It's just kind of unsettling because I thought that I knew what to expect, but things have been completely different... again. Now I just have no idea what to expect.

I am feeling much better tonight, actually, because my mom has come to stay with us until the baby gets here. Just knowing that she's here and I don't need to call anyone in the night has been such a blessing already. I don't know when this baby will come, but I feel so much better knowing that she's here.

Other updates: I've been having awful heartburn that really has just kicked in during the last week. I'm still sleeping fine, only waking up once or twice to go to the bathroom but falling back asleep pretty easily. (Now when I wake up to go to the bathroom, I'm almost always having a contraction. I don't know if the contraction is waking me up or the contraction starts because I start moving but either way...) I don't feel as big as I felt with Austin or Lydia, but I'm measuring exactly on track, so that's good.

My doctor is out of town until Friday. (My new doctor that I had to switch to when Dr. Cloward left.) So I won't have my 39 week appointment until then. It seems like so far away. Honestly, I've not been really planning to go to the appointment because I've assumed that I'll have my baby already - but who knows. As I said before, I'm not feeling rushed to have this baby - more just unsettled about not knowing what to expect.

Regardless of what happens, I'm just praying for a smooth and safe birth. I already love this baby so much and I'm looking forward to meeting him, holding him, and telling him how much I love him.

Monday, February 20, 2017

Pregnancy Update: 37 Weeks

37 weeks people. 

Do you know what that means? It means that we are going to have a baby soon! 

So, I've always thought that women who expected to have their baby early were setting themselves up for disappointment - but I went and let myself fall into that trap. My brain keeps moving up my due date in my mind: three days, five days, as early as nine days! I don't particularly want to have this baby early, I've just been feeling like he's going to be here sooner rather than later. In fact... if he wanted to hold out for a few extra days, I'd be more than happy as long as I got to go and see the new Beauty and the Beast movie (with Emma Watson). We don't see movies in the theater very often because we don't watch PG-13 movies unedited, and there aren't very many PG movies that we think are worth paying the money to see in the real theater - but this one would definitely fit that bill and I'd love to support it in theater! It is released on March 17th (due date March 13th). If I could pick, I'd keep this baby cooking until after I got to see the movie in the theater! So it's not that I'm particularly anxious to be done being pregnant - I'm feeling great and excited to soak in these last few weeks with my little family. But I just... feel like changes are coming and will be here sooner rather than later. 

That being said, here's an update on how things are going lately: 

--Growing steadily! I was 162lbs at 36 weeks and 164.5lbs at 37 weeks. So pretty close to that 25lb gain that they look for. I honestly care zero about how much the scale says I weigh, but I do think it's interesting for the sake of information purposes. This baby is measuring right on track and has had great little heartbeats at every appointment. I love it so much because Lydia (I bring both kids to my appointments most of the time) always perks up when they start listening for the heartbeat. You can tell that she thinks its so neat, although she doesn't talk much about it. 

--It seems like with every single day my heart  gets a little bit closer to exploding with love for Lydia and Austin. It's probably a hormonal thing, but I just can't even think about them without being moved to tears about how wonderful they are. I feel like I've also really started bonding with this baby. I write letters to him every week, but our bond has reached a new level of love and excitement.
37 weeks.

--So the name thing. I think that we found a name. In fact, it was about 34 weeks that we went from having a list of barely tolerable names to just having one name. I wasn't sure if we (read: I)  really liked it or if it was just stressful not having any names that we liked. We decided to try out one name at a time, but I started thinking about the name all the time and started thinking about the baby in my womb by that name. Although, I refrained from using the name when I talked to him because I felt like that was committing too much. But even though we've tried out a few other names since then nothing else seems to fit as well, and now it's all I can do not to write his name every time I say "baby" or "him". It's crazy how it happened almost overnight. I'm glad that it happened when it did though, because I feel like it took me several weeks to really get attached to the name and let go of the resistance I was feeling about making a decision and I'm so glad that I had the weeks to do that before the baby came instead of after the baby came. We hadn't really picked Austin's name at the hospital and it was kind of stressful trying to pick while we were there and I just wanted to be bonding with my baby but I just wasn't sure what his name was supposed to be. We aren't really telling people, because we're leaving ourselves open to changing the name if we get there and feel strongly about something else - but for now, I'm feeling pretty good about what we have. 

-I got a hair cut a couple weeks ago! It's a little shorter than I wanted it to be, but it feels so nice and fresh. I always feel this urge at the end of pregnancy to do something extreme with my hair. Like the haircut below, plus I had to talk myself out of coloring my hair darker with highlights in it. I think it has something to do with wanting to feel like I'm in control and having that be one of the ways to assert that control. I (very vainly) just hope that it cooperates for those first tender pictures in the hospital!

36 & 35 weeks

--I had a friend ask me if I was starting to get nervous about labor/delivery because Austin came so fast. I feel like this is a really valid question. I was nervous for a long time because it's just so hard to know what to expect. But I've thought a lot about Austin's birth and I think that there were a lot of markers, signs, and red flags that I simply missed because I wasn't looking for them. The biggest thing is that I remember feeling/thinking/saying "Is it crazy to want to go to the hospital after only one hour of real labor?" The labor was intense enough that I felt like we should be going to the hospital, but I talked myself out of it because we had gone to the hospital after 4 hours with Lydia and been turned away and I didn't want to repeat that experience. However, in retrospect - if I had just listened to my body at that point, we would have made it to the hospital with... well - still less than an hour but -with more than six minutes. And in reality- my labor started earlier than what I had thought at the time. Now that I know more and have more experience, we can plan just to go to the hospital as soon as the contractions start to get real. I think that we'll have time, and if they don't admit us - we'll just hang out in their waiting room until they do. 

So I'm not as worried about making it to the hospital. (Full disclosure: David is really worried about this.) However, I am feeling nervous about the actual labor. I'm not feeling as prepared as I felt with Austin as far as being familiar with labor-management techniques. I had planned to have David and I take a Birth Class together, but with such a busy fall and then... well... busy season - it just never happened. I've been thinking a little bit about trying to do an unmedicated birth with this baby, partly because I've done it before and so I know I can do it and it really was very powerful, but mostly because if it goes fast like last time and I can't get an epidural, I want to be prepared for an unmedicated birth. But the other part of me thinks "well, if I get to the hospital with enough time.. why would I not get an epidural?" So I start with wanting to labor at home in my own tub before going to the hospital (not really an option), then being relieved to find that the AF hospital has tubs that you can labor in, then thinking "but if I'm there - why wouldn't I just get an epidural?". I keep flipping back and forth between the options, and it's a little unsettling because there is so much unknown. 

Side note: I have a pet peeve that has popped up and I don't know if I'm just missing it or what, but it seems like the only options out there for pain management during labor are produced by the fairly extreme "natural birth" crowd. They seem to lean more to home births, birthing tubs, birthing centers, etc... and are pretty far to the extreme. But... even if you want an epidural you still have to manage your labor and the pain of the contractions until you can get to the hospital to get an epidural. So where is the support and information and teaching for women to make labor a good experience from the first contraction? I feel like the mindset is much more "just make it through until you can get to the hospital", but I don't think that's healthy or effective! Maybe I'm just missing that narrative and it really is out there (I hope this is the case). I just know that Lydia's labor was worse than Austin's because I didn't even know how to breathe during the contractions... I remember feeling like I was going to hyperventilate. Where with Austin I did more research (trying to balance the extreme viewpoint with the information I was actually looking for), and felt like I handled things much better. 

34 Weeks

-My doctor, Dr. Cloward, asked a few weeks back if I wanted to schedule an induction and although I can see the merits (i.e. knowing the date and being able to plan for it, not having to worry about getting to the hospital on time)  of being induced it really just doesn't appeal to me. I'm feeling really good and I'm happy to let this baby keep growing as long as he needs to. I'm not feeling antsy for this pregnancy to be over, I'm just enjoying the last few weeks of our family of four. I've been really trying to spend some good time with both Lydia and Austin (and David) and do some fun things that will be harder to do after we have a new little baby in the house. We are all getting excited for our new baby, but not feeling any need to rush things along. Also, something about the idea of going into the hospital to get hooked up to a machine to have synthetic hormones injected to trick my body into starting labor just gives me an uncomfortable feeling. (Not that I won't ever be induced, or that other people shouldn't be induced - just that my initial reaction is to prefer not to.) 

33 Weeks

-On the topic of Dr. Cloward (who I absolutely adore). I got a phone call a few weeks ago that went something like this "Hello, we're calling because Dr. Cloward is no longer practicing at Legacy OB. We need you to select from one of our other doctors and reschedule all of your remaining appointments." Uh... what!?!? I love Dr. Cloward. People spend months trying to choose an OB that fits with them and you just want me to pick a name from this list and schedule all my remaining appointments with them? Besides, there is a reason that my OB is female. That's what I wanted. I only have a month left in my pregnancy and now I have to switch new doctors??? Plus, is Dr. Cloward okay? Is she healthy? Are her kids healthy? What would make her leave so suddenly??? (Update: She's moving to Valley OB and will start May 1st. So next pregnancy, maybe?)

I'll be honest. I cried. Big fat tears.

However, here are some facts: 1- I really like the Legacy OB facility and all of the doctors seem to be fairly similarly minded and very capable. 2- The chances that Dr. Cloward actually delivered my baby are (in my experience) slim. (Dr. Jones delivered Lydia and Dr. Watabe helped after Austin was born.) So it's really just the last few appointments with a new person. 3- This would have been a much bigger deal with Lydia or even Austin. But at this point, I feel much more confident and not as concerned. 4- I don't want to change facilities to try to find a different doctor (hello, insurance nightmare). 

So, I picked the doctor that they said had the most flexible schedule, Dr. Thomas, and set all my appointments. One of my biggest concerns was that at my first appointment with Dr. Thomas I was scheduled to have my Group B strep test and vaginal exam. I know it's not a big deal - but I didn't love the idea of meeting my doctor for the first time at that appointment rather than being with Dr. Cloward who I have an incredible strong rapport with. (Again, cue tears - hormonal or not.) 

However, everything went really well. Dr. Thomas was incredibly busy that day because of all of the additional patients he had absorbed, plus he had two deliveries at the hospital. We ended up being there just over two hours, but the receptionists gave us snacks and coloring pages and the kids were champs. When the nursed asked about the Group B strep test- and I mentioned that I felt weird about meeting Dr. Thomas that day - she validated my feelings and suggested that instead of undressing before Dr. Thomas came into the room that I could just meet with him like normal and then at the very end he could step out, I could undress and they would do the strep test really quickly. Even just something so simple as them being so accommodating and not belittling set me SO much at ease. Also, because of how busy he was I thought that I might feel rushed, but he took his time to talk to me and explain how he felt about delayed cord clamping, kangaroo care, and even volunteered his thoughts about episiotomy. I didn't feel rushed at all and I felt like everything he said lined up really well with my own thoughts and feelings. It was just a really good experience and I'm so grateful that everything worked out so well. Another gold star for Legacy OB. They've always taken such good care of me and I've had a great experience in their office. 


33 Weeks

--At my 36 week appointment I was dilated to a 3. I know it doesn't mean the baby will come any sooner than he's ready. But interesting to note. I was dilated to a 2 at 38 weeks with Austin, and not dilated at all with Lydia. (I was dilated to a 2 when I went to the hospital after 4 hours of labor with Lydia.) So maybe he won't come sooner, but maybe he will come faster? It's definitely something we're taking into consideration. It means that this body of mine is preparing to do it's thing. It brings me back to the unmedicated birth vs. epidural. If my body is getting ready to do this thing, maybe I should just let it do it without forcing medical interventions. (I opted not to get checked at my 37 week appointment, so we'll see what happens at 38 weeks.) 


31 Weeks

Over the course of this pregnancy I've felt really worried about bringing a third baby home, specifically about how I will handle the newborn stage again. Those feelings have ranged from nervousness to outright fear. The sleepless nights, the completely dependent baby, the two other children that still need love and attention, the husband who is in the middle of busy season. But in the last couple of weeks I feel like I've achieved a level of peace that I wasn't sure I'd reach. I feel this calm that tells me that everything is going to be just fine. I also feel a determination to make this be a good experience. I'm so incredibly grateful that we are headed into spring and summer and I'm genuinely looking forward to putting my sweet baby boy into my (brand-new) Solly Baby wrap and going to the farm with Lydia and Austin and letting them run wherever they want. Or to the park, or to the splash pad. I think that getting out and about will be a key difference for us, because being stuck inside during the winter is hard. The transition from 1-2 was difficult, but I feel this great hope swelling in my heart that the transition from 2-3 will be exactly what our little family needs. 

Lydia and Austin play so well together. The love each other so much. They love this new baby already, and I'm so looking forward to seeing them meet him and love him. (We even went to the store and they each picked out a little stuffed animal to give to him. Lydia's been carrying her puppy around everywhere she goes and tells everyone that she picked it out for our new baby.) 

I'm feeling more prepared for the hospital and for bringing baby home. So much of this is just a mental preparation. Thinking and talking about things has made everything seem so much calmer and like I have a plan in place. David has been so wonderful to listen to me and talk to me for hours about our life, how things will change, what we want/expect out of the labor/hospital. Also, I finally focused some of my nesting energy on actually getting the nursery ready (instead of every other unfinished project in the house). I cleaned out toys/books. Washed baby clothes and put them away. (We recently moved Austin to Lydia's room and moved all of his clothes in there. They are doing great btw.) Hung up a canvas picture and some string art on the last blank wall in there. Printed out letters for baby's name and hung them above the crib. I looooove it! Just getting the nursery ready for baby has made such a difference in how prepared I'm feeling for this little guy. I think that nesting really does serve a purpose for bonding and feeling ready for having a baby. 
30 Weeks

I'm feeling so grateful that the apprehension of bringing a new baby home is dissipating and is being replaced with peace and excitement about this new stage of our lives. Baby brother, we love you! We can hardly believe that in a few short weeks you'll be here in our arms. Take your time getting ready, but if you wouldn't mind helping your mama out let's follow this game plan: 1- give me enough advance notice to get your dad home, get a babysitter here for your siblings, and get to the hospital. And 2- then come quickly and smoothly so that I can hold you in my arms asap. Deal?