As I was posting about our anniversary - I realized that I have never really posted our dating story on our blog. Hence, this whole {the wedding series} thing. I wrote down the whole dating story thing while we were engaged (and posted it on our wedding website - because we were cool enough to have a wedding website) but it has never made the transition to our blog. Our "love story" varies pretty much every time we tell it - depending on the amount of time we have to fill. It's full of drama (my fault) and romance (David's fault). Sometimes I look back and think: How in the world did we ever get through all of that? Why did it take so long to be where we both wanted to end up? But if there is one thing that our story has taught me, it is the importance of timing, the importance of agency, and the importance of love. (Wait, those are three things. I guess I learned a lot.) As your reading, you will notice anything in black is me (Shantel) and the writing in blue is David, for some crazy reason he thinks he needs to tell his side of the story too.
Without further ado, I give you...
"Our Love Story."
December 5th, 2007 - 9:24 am
The Institute (Bro. Pattys class)/In front of the ESLCUtah State University
Logan, Utah
David and I both attended Brother Patty's "Power of the Word" institute class Fall semester 2007. David was "the cute boy who sat behind me and to the right" but never talked to me because he had the class with his best friend, Brad. (In addition, I later found out he was dating someone else for the first half of the semester.) Towards the last two weeks of the class he was showing signs of getting up the courage to ask me out. I tried to help him out by being slow to put my things away and trying to walk out the door at the same time as him, but none of my efforts paid off. I gave up on him and decided that he would never do anything. So, I wrote him off and decided that "I didn't want to go out with him anyway." (Consoling myself for being so openly ignored.)
However, on the last day of class David finally gathered all of his courage (he must have been intimidated by my charming wit and amazing good looks...) and asked me out. Well, it actually wasn't that simple. We walked out of the class together and talked while we walked by the TSC. I had to go to class in the ESLC, and it is in front of that fated building that David asked for my phone number. It should be noted that at this point I was disgusted with boys and he had been added to my bad list for waiting until the last day of class to ask me out. I figured that he wouldn't even call to ask me out.
However, on the last day of class David finally gathered all of his courage (he must have been intimidated by my charming wit and amazing good looks...) and asked me out. Well, it actually wasn't that simple. We walked out of the class together and talked while we walked by the TSC. I had to go to class in the ESLC, and it is in front of that fated building that David asked for my phone number. It should be noted that at this point I was disgusted with boys and he had been added to my bad list for waiting until the last day of class to ask me out. I figured that he wouldn't even call to ask me out.
The thing that Shantel did not tell you, is that she did not exactly socialize a ton in Institute. She always tells me that she was in institute to learn the gospel, not get dates. So she did not make it easy to get to know her enough to be able to ask her out. However, I knew 2 things for sure about her, 1) She was really pretty, 2) She was spiritually strong, so I did not want to let the chance to ask her our slip away. Fortunately Brad was not there that day, so I timed things just right to make sure we walked out together, chatted down the institute hallway, and then just as she was getting ready to say goodbye to go to her class, got her number.
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Time Period: December 5th - The beginning of February
If I thought that David was not ever going to call to ask me out, I was VERY much mistaken. He did call... he actually asked me out three separate times over a period of about two months. Each and every time... I said no. Now, anyone who knows me (and my dating philosophy) knows that I had a general rule against saying no to any boy who asked me out. I would go out with them at least the one time. (This lead to be having frequent first dates - few second dates - and almost no third dates.)
The first time David asked me out, I had a legitimate reason for saying no. One of my really good friends from high school recently had her mom pass away, and I was headed to Manti for the funeral. As I said, it was a real (albeit, very sad) reason for not being able to attend his work Christmas party with him. In addition, after my weekend in Manti - I was headed home to Morgan to spend the Christmas Break with my family. I wouldn't be returning to Logan until January.
But as previously stated I was disgusted (or disenchanted, if you will) with boys and during Christmas break I decided not to date any boys... period. I needed a break to figure out what I was doing. The whole month of January was "Boycott Boys" month for me. So, poor David asked me out three times: Once, during finals week (the second week of December) and twice during January. Each time he got rejected. This wasn't the "I'm sorry, I'm busy - but we should definitely go out sometime" kind of response. This was "I'm sorry, I'm busy. Have a nice day" kind of response. I wasn't ready to date him yet. I will be forever grateful for his persistence and good attitude. Because did he give up? NO!
Now, you might be thinking, David, were you really one of "those boys", that don't get the hint. I most definitely was not. I had asked out plenty of girls who made it clear that while they were saying they were busy, what they meant was, "I'm not interested." So in general I would ask out once, maybe twice if they really had a legitimate reason, but after that I would back off unless they made it clear they really were interested. However, with Shantel it was different, I really wanted to go out with her so I gave her three chances. However, after the third try, I got the hint.
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February 14, 2008- Valentines Day
Utah State UniversityLogan, Utah
Although David hadn't given up on me quite yet, he had definitely taken a break in his quest for a date. (I had pretty much given up.) However, we just happened to bump into each other in front of the Business Building on February 14, 2008. (Thanks to him being late on his way to class, and a random library excursion for me.) We talked for a few minutes, and he told me about his plans to study in the library later that evening. I told him that I would be working that evening in the basement of the library {a friend has asked me to cover his shift, because he had a girlfriend that he needed to take out, and well... I didn't have anyone to spend the evening with.} and that he should stop by if he needed a break from his homework. (I was just getting back into the dating scene at that point.) I don't think she told me to stop by, I'm pretty sure I checked to see which computer lab she would be in and then told her I would come do my homework there. I then stood on my soapbox and gave him my spiel about why Valentines Day is the worst and most commercialized holiday that stands for nothing but corporate greed. As Shantel is on her soapbox, she is seriously a walking valentine. She was carrying several roses, a couple boxes of chocolate and a balloon. She claimed that they were for "friends." (Which was actually true, but it was still really a funny sight for me.) Shantel really was so nice, and I could already tell that I liked her, so after my class I went home and made some brownies, that I was hoping to be able to give to her later to try to make her Valentines Day a little nicer. After my tirade on Valentines day, David went to class and I continued on to deliver my friends valentine goodies.
While I was at work later that evening, David "stopped by." He was charming and made me laugh the whole time. Conversation was easy between us and I was impressed with the way he treated me and the way we were able to converse. I ended up getting off work early, and he volunteered to walk me home to my apartment (Pineview #3). The funniest part was that I never actually went into the computer lab. She swiped my student ID, but then we just chatted for the next hour and a half. I don't remember which homework assignment got neglected, but it was well worth it. As we approached my apartment, I didn't want him to go home so I invited him inside to watch a movie that my roommates and I had made. (Which was one of the reasons I had turned down one of his date offers previously. I had been working against a hard deadline to edit the movie.) He told me that he would love that, but he needed to run home to his apartment first.
Luckily his apartment (Old Farm B3) was just across the street and he returned quickly. He came with a plate of brownies, that I assumed had been given to him by an apartment full of girls and that he was passing them along to me. I didn't find out until much later that he had actually baked them especially for me. We ate brownies and watched the movie that I had made (as proof that I wasn't an awful person, and the movie was real). We proceeded to spend the rest of the night bantering back and forth, playing games and hanging out with my roommates. My apartment looked like a Valentines gift store had exploded. There was pink EVERYWHERE; chocolate, roses and candy covered the table. There were balloons and lots and lots of pink heart valentines. My roommates must have been on an extreme sugar high because they were more crazy than usual. After David left... I distinctly remember one of them saying, "Well, if he comes back - that means he really likes you!"
I definitely did like her a lot. She was funny and made me laugh. I enjoyed being with her and I knew that despite being rejected three times already, I had to ask her out again.
| ---- February 22, 2008 Logan, UtahThe question of whether David would be able to handle the crazy girls in PineView #3 {specifically me} was answered soon after when David asked me on our first date. I said yes, and was very excited. When I asked for her phone number she sounded excited, when I asked her out and she said yes, she did not sound all that excited, more... surprised that I was asking. At least she said yes. As I was getting ready for the date I couldn't decide what to wear and ended up borrowing a shirt from my roommate Cassie. (This is important for two reasons. 1- The shirt that I wore was brown with white polka dots and plays a role later on in the story [be patient], and 2- I had two shirts that I switched off wearing on the first dates that I went on. I felt comfortable in them and they were cute. I had worn one or the other on every first date I had gone pretty much the whole year. They were labeled as my "first date" shirts and it was unusual that I didn't wear one of them.) I went into the date not knowing what to expect. I half-thought that it would be another first date that didn't go anywhere. However, the second that he picked me up I could tell that something was different about him. We went to Chili's and then bowling (my mom's number one date idea, points for David). I was completely blown away by how amazing this boy was. He was cute and funny and kind and amazing. Most of all... he understood me. We connected on a level that I had never even dreamed could be reached on a first date. I laughed the whole time, and at the end of the date there was no question of if there would be a second date... only when it would be. |
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February - May 2008
Logan, Utah
The second date came fairly soon. David and I talked a lot throughout the week and saw each other a couple of times before he asked me out for Friday. I was impressed and surprised with his confidence when not two minutes after showing up at my door he was holding my hand. (And even more surprised that after a quick evaluation of whether of not I was okay with it, I realized that I was.) We doubled with some of his friends, Sarah and Jason, and went on a photo scavenger hunt. The scavenger hunt was actually a cover for what we were REALLY doing. We were helping Sarah and Jason get engaged. So between all the running around campus taking pictures of each other, we went to the third floor of the TSC and we set up a bunch of stuff for them and their big moment.
The very next day David met my parents. (Yeah, a little fast!) They had come to Logan to watch me perform with the Big Band Swing Team. Of course David came to watch me, as well. The performance was really fun, and it was great to see my parents. After the whole thing was over, my roommates even arranged it so that one of them drove my car home so I could ride home from Hyrum with David.
David and I started spending a lot of time together. Basically I tried to be with her whenever I could, although that mostly meant doing homework together. The library made a great third wheel. One evening we went to a basketball game together, sitting on the front row of course, and I met a couple of his friends that I hadn't met before. As he introduced me he said, "This is Shantel ... my girlfriend." He glanced at me to make sure I wasn't going to object (I wasn't) and then moved on with the conversation. That comprised our first DTR (determine the relationship). Following that night, David and I were basically inseparable. We had fun doing everything we were doing from cooking dinner together, to playing games, to staying up basically all night while I worked on my final project - a 35 page lesson plan - during finals week.
Two big things here. First, I was/am really opposed to DTR's. That does not mean I am opposed to communication in a relationship, but I wanted no part of a standard "DTR." I figure that you should be able to tell if someone wants to date you. You should make it clear to them, and they should make it clear to you. Thankfully Shantel obliged. Second, the front row thing is a pretty big deal. I spent hours, once or twice a week during basketball season, waiting in line at the Spectrum to make sure I had my seat in the spectrum (Section L, Front row, center court, seat #10) and I am so grateful that Shantel supported me in that. It made college so wonderful.
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Sounds like a perfect love story from a fairy tale, right? Prince meets Princess, they fall in love and live happily ever after. Ah, if only life were so easy!
Unfortunately, before I had met David I had signed a contract to go to Virginia/Washington DC to sell security systems for the summer. I knew that it would be a once in a lifetime experience. In addition, I had been told that as a girl I couldn't do it. Which you should know, telling me I can't do something is a direct challenge - and probably means I will do it and then come back to you to prove that I did.
Unfortunately, before I had met David I had signed a contract to go to Virginia/Washington DC to sell security systems for the summer. I knew that it would be a once in a lifetime experience. In addition, I had been told that as a girl I couldn't do it. Which you should know, telling me I can't do something is a direct challenge - and probably means I will do it and then come back to you to prove that I did.
When I realized that the relationship was going to last longer than a few weeks, I talked with David and was very open with him about what my plans were and gave him the option to get out then if he wanted to. I wanted to keep dating him, but I knew that I didn't want to play the "long distance relationship" game over the summer. But he told me that he would date me as long as I let him, so we had a wonderful end of the semester enjoying the time that we had together.
*Note: David was very supportive through this whole time. He thought that Virginia would be a great experience for me, and he did all that he could to support me. However, there was one time that he asked me if I would stay in Logan instead of going to Virginia. I very seriously considered it, but knew that going to Virginia was right for me at the time.
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May 2008 - August 2008
Centreville, VA (and) Logan, UT
-thank you Verizon and T-mobile-
Although we I had decided not to do the "long distance thing." David and I kept in contact every day over the first half of the summer. We were able to develop our relationship on levels that we wouldn't have been able to if I had still been in Logan. However, it was very difficult to try to focus all the time and energy it took to be successful at selling security systems and still be so emotionally attached to someone back in Logan. Many things played a part in this decision, but I finally decided that it would be the best thing for both of us if we broke up and then we could just see how things worked out when I got home.
David was wonderful, as always, he respected me and treated me like gold even though I knew that I was hurting him. Truth be told, it was hard for both of us... but I knew that I needed to be 100% in Virginia and gain those experiences there. I've got a small flair for the dramatic {what? why are you laughing? Fine - a fairly large flair for the dramatic - happy?} and although I'm grateful for the things I learned while in Virginia I wish it hadn't been so hard for both of us. (This was the hardest time of our relationship - and I take complete blame. However, stick with it for a couple more months/paragraphs, and things get better. I promise there is a happy ending.)
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August 2008 - November 2008
Logan, UT
When I got home from Virginia, we almost started dating again, but I knew that if I started dating him... I would end up marrying him in December and I wasn't ready for that. In fact, the thought of getting married quite literally made me sick to my stomach. (In addition to the very shallow fact that I did not want to get married in the winter.) So we didn't start dating when I got back to school.By some some stroke of fortune (At least now I am grateful, at the time I was wondering what I had done wrong to deserve what was happening!) I ended up in a Preparing for an Eternal Marriage class at the Logan Institute. The class I was planning on signing up for had filled up and I just sat down in the first classroom I could find, thinking that I would just attend a class that first day and then figure out what class I really wanted to take later. When I realized what class I was in I was appalled and didn't know what to do! My teacher was so enthusiastic and before I left class that day he had gotten a commitment from me to come back. So I did, again and again.
As fate would have it, I actually ended up taking two sections of the Preparing for an Eternal Marriage class. I was in it at 10:30 with Brother Reading and 12:30 with Brother Barrett. The things that I learned in those two classes were essential for me to understand how I felt and the things that were important to me. I kept learning and growing throughout the entire semester. I also dated a few boys during this time. I gained valuable experiences through my school and social life that I am very grateful for.
You may be wondering what David was doing during this time. He was dating as well, and staying busy with school. We were still keeping in touch, and were developing a strong base of friendship. We enjoyed the time that we spent together - while maintaining an emphasis on being "just friends."
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November 2008
Logan, UT
The week before Thanksgiving David and I got together and had a really good talk. We talked about our friendship, and just being friends etc... I thought that the conversation had gone well and we both understood exactly where we stood. We really were clear. I was fully committed to being just friends. In fact on the Wednesday before Thanksgiving, I went and got some ice cream with my friend Abby. We talked about it and she could tell that I had really given up on dating Shantel, and that I was okay with it. So don't let Shantel try to convince you that I had some secret plan. Then David told me that he had a Christmas present for me. I couldn't believe him! Here we were discussing just being friends and he tells me that he has a CHRISTMAS PRESENT for me. (Remember this was in the middle of November.) I told him that he couldn't give it to me. Stubborn as I was, I didn't want to get a Christmas present from him. It didn't fit in with the way I thought our friendship should be. He told me that friends can give friends Christmas presents and that he was going to give it to me anyway. (Apparently I am NOT the only stubborn one in this relationship.) To explain, I had already bought the present, because I knew Shantel would appreciate it, it was a really inexpensive book, and with Thanksgiving, then Finals, then Christmas break, with us being just "friends," I did not expect to see Shantel again before Christmas.
The present that he gave me was a book called "Christmas Jars." I read it over Thanksgiving Break and as I read it I thought about David a lot. The family in the book was so much like the family I hope to have someday, and as I was reading the book... I knew David wanted to have a family like that as well. I thought a lot about how much I loved to be with him and how much I missed him. I spent a lot of time thinking and evaluating. I've never really had a perfect picture of the man I wanted to marry. Rather, I had always thought about the relationship/family I wanted to have. I wasn't quite ready to get married, but I was strengthened in the knowledge of the life and family that I wanted. I knew that David would be able to give that to me.
The present that he gave me was a book called "Christmas Jars." I read it over Thanksgiving Break and as I read it I thought about David a lot. The family in the book was so much like the family I hope to have someday, and as I was reading the book... I knew David wanted to have a family like that as well. I thought a lot about how much I loved to be with him and how much I missed him. I spent a lot of time thinking and evaluating. I've never really had a perfect picture of the man I wanted to marry. Rather, I had always thought about the relationship/family I wanted to have. I wasn't quite ready to get married, but I was strengthened in the knowledge of the life and family that I wanted. I knew that David would be able to give that to me.
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December 2008
Logan, Utah
Even though I knew I wanted to date David, I wasn't quite ready to take any drastic action. I look back at this time and laugh - because I can clearly see that I was "kicking against the pricks" purely out of stubbornness. I did so many silly things - and I just have to laugh. I'm amazed that David was even still around at this point. I am truly the luckiest girl in the whole world. At this point - the drama in our relationship was just about over.
The week that school got out, a good friend from my childhood asked me if I would come with him to the Forgotten Carols in Salt Lake. He was already going to be in the Salt Lake area, but he said that if I got a ride down to Salt Lake - he would drop my off in Morgan after the night was over. (For some reason, I didn't have a car at this time. For the life of me, I can't remember why.) The obvious course of action was to ask David if I could catch a ride home with him. Aside from the awkward fact that I was asking him to take me to Salt Lake to drop me off on a date, I thought it would be a great plan. I would get to spend several hours with him before the Christmas break started. (I know, I know - I was really dumb. It seemed smart at the time. And in the end - it really did all work out.)
David, being the gentleman that he was, agreed to the deal. I spent the day with him and it was wonderful. We spent a good amount of time at his house in West Jordan, chatting with his mom and family. I had met them before - but hadn't spent a whole lot of time with them. They were getting ready for their Family Christmas party that was going to be held the next day. As David was dropping me off for my "date" (Let me clarify really quick - this wasn't a super serious date. It was just an old friend who had tickets to this play and needed someone to go with because his original date had backed out.) he offhandedly mentioned that if I wanted to, I was welcome to come to his family Christmas party the following day. He mentioned that I could sleep in his sisters old bedroom and that he would drive me back to Morgan after it was over. With that said - I got out of the car and didn't stop thinking about him and his offer for the rest of the night. About halfway through my date I had completely made up my mind to spend the weekend with David. The hard part then was trying to text David to let him know that, and then trying to come up with a feasible story to tell my date about why I didn't need him to take me to Morgan.
After some subtle texting, a few twisted truths, and a VERY awkward "doorstep scene" in front of David's car - I was back with the boy that I loved and I was excited at the prospects of spending the weekend with him. The next couple of days were perfect. The Christmas party was wonderful, his family was loving and accepting, he was charismatic and funny, and I was happier than I had been in a very long time. I ended up spending several days during the Christmas Break with David and his family (including Christmas Day). I bounced back and forth between West Jordan and Morgan - and I couldn't have been happier.
I had always loved David. I loved him for many different reasons - but I think that I didn't really "fall in love with him" until I spent time with him and his family during this Christmas season. I pretty much knew at this point that I wanted to marry David. I just wasn't sure about dating him yet. I remember sitting with him one night before going to bed and saying something to the effect of, "I think that we should start dating again - but... just not exclusively." I'm pretty sure he laughed at me, and agreed that we should start dating again.
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January 2009
Logan, Utah
After we got back to school in January, I maintained the fact that although we were dating - we were not dating "exclusively." Of course - it wasn't true. I didn't even think about going on a date with another boy. I spent every waking moment with David. Through all of this, I kept reminding him that we weren't exclusive. One day, exasperated, he said "Shantel, that is really fine if you want to date other people. It really is! You take all the time you need to take. Just know - that if you are going to be dating other boys, I am going to be dating other girls as well." That statement put an end to my ridiculous insistence that we not be exclusive. There was no way I wanted him dating anyone else! The next day we were officially only dating each other - and never again did I mention dating other people.
In all honesty, I knew that I didn't deserve the amazing David Peaden. For a long time, I tried to convince him that he could get someone way better than me. I just didn't want him to ever regret marrying me. I knew that would break my heart beyond repair. But it was this day that I realized that I didn't want him to find someone else, I wanted him to be with me. So instead of trying to make him realized he deserved someone better than me, I decided to do everything I could to be the person he deserved. Shantel of course is silly. There was a reason that I had been chasing Shantel so hard for so long. I knew that she was amazing. I knew she was kind, smart, funny, and spiritually strong. More importantly I knew she would be the perfect wife and friend and an even better mother.
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January 2009 - March 2009
Logan, UT
David and I spent the next several months spending all of our time together. We were perfect for each other. We knew it, and so did everyone around us. We went to basketball games, we did homework, we played games, we hung out with friends. It was wonderful. We got engaged March 6, 2009. Sometimes I regret how difficult it was to go through the whole courtship process. We had a lot of heartache between all of the romance and fun. But I do know this - I have never once regretted the decision to spend the rest of forever with David. I know that through the choices that we both made, we got married at the right time, in the right place, and with the right intention. We waited until we both knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that getting married to each other was the right thing. And, the right thing it truly was. I can't imagine someone more perfect for me than David Scott Peaden. I loved him then, and I love him even more now.
