Things I think.

I seem to go through stages with blogging. I get behind on things that I want to post about and when I finally get the motivation to blog them - I do them all at one time. Like four in a day for a week and half straight. Then I slack off and let myself get behind again. Oh well. I love blogging. That's why I do it. (Of course, I also love to print out our blog books as our family journal.) So whenever I get stressed out about it - I just stop and remind myself that I should just do it when I love it. Some of my favorite posts are the ones that are about little funny adventures or about the random thoughts of my brain. So I'm trying to remember to write more of those instead of just about what we did.

That being said... Here are some of the things I have been thinking about lately.

-I love Lehi. I really do. I love how it still has that small town feel, even though it's huge. The other day we were talking about the population of Lehi and so I looked it up. In 1990 the population was less than 9,000 people. In 2011 it was almost 49,000. It's amazing. As I was driving by the Lehi Roller Mill I was thinking about how much has changed - and then when I drove past the abandoned gas station by I15 and 2100 North, I had this irresistible urge to stop and take a picture of it because it won't be there for much longer. Some new building will come in and no one will ever remember what it looked like when we moved here. 

-It makes me sad when people talk so negatively about gaining weight during pregnant. I totally understand the feeling of wanting to look nice and be healthy but when I hear people talk about hating their body because they are getting fat (or about not wanting to get pregnant ever again because then they would have to loose that extra 40 pounds) it really makes me SO sad. Not only do I feel sad for them because they are missing out on the beauty and joy of a happy healthy pregnancy, but because I immediately feel that they must think that I was fat and ugly during pregnancy. But you know what? I didn't ever feel fat and ugly. Of course, I was big and sometimes uncomfortable - but I thought my body was more beautiful than it had ever been before. Maybe that's too much for some people. But I'm being honest. I wish I could help people understand that sometimes you have to look past the scale and take life for what it is. Pregnancy is about so much more than "gaining weight" and "ruining your body". I feel like people sometimes take for granted what a blessing and a miracle it is to be pregnant.

-On a similar note: I read this article about passing on body hatred several weeks ago and still haven't removed it from my browser tabs on the iPad. I. Loved. It. Again, I loved it. I cried as I read it, and as I am rereading it now, I can feel the tears welling up again. I love the closing statement: "Let us honour and respect our bodies for what they do instead of despising them for how they appear. Focus on living healthy and active lives, let our weight fall where it may, and consign our body hatred in the past where it belongs." This sums up exactly how I want to live my life. I want to teach Lydia that she can be anything and do anything and that she is inherently valuable. Her divine nature, her role as my daughter, her life - these things make her valuable. The way she looks is a tiny tiny tiny part of her whole self and she can contribute so many things that have nothing to do with appearance. I want her to know that she is smart, funny, and caring, and that those qualities (and the qualities like them) are the most important. I want her to be confident in herself because of the things that she does and that she accomplishes. To quote from the article again, (Lydia's name inserted) "When [Lydia] looks to us to learn how to be a woman, we need to be the best role models we can. We need to show her with our words and our actions that women are good enough just the way they are. And for her to believe us, we need to believe it ourselves." This is why I am making an effort now to stop criticizing myself each time I look at a picture of me. No more "Please take another one, my bangs look funny, or my arm looks fat, or whatever tiny detail I don't approve of." This is why I am making an effort to gracefully acknowledge and accent complements that I receive instead of saying "No, but you are very nice."  This is why I am making an effort NOW to love myself for who and I and the things that I have done/do in my life instead of focusing so much on my appearance. Because I can't just tell Lydia these things, I have to believe them and act on them. This is why right now I am making an effort to live a healthy and active life and to let my weight fall where it may and instead spend my energy that used to go toward worrying and criticizing myself on serving my family and friends and letting the more important things shine through in my countenance.  

--On a lighter note: When people do smilies like (: instead of like :) I always think that they are doing a frownie face like :(  - because the parenthesis is the wrong way. Sometimes it makes for really confusing emoticons. "I really love my husband (:" ends up in my head as "Oh, they really love their husband... but they are unhappy about it. Wait. Is that a smiley face? It looks like a frowny face. Oh, nope. The colon is on the right-hand side which makes it a smiley face." Jeez. Am I missing something? (I do notice them more in people younger than me - so maybe it's a generational thing?)

--It may be towards the end of the summer, but we are finally getting a move-on on putting plants in our yard. We don't like bees, so we are going with mostly non-flowering and easy to maintain plants in our flower beds. The thing that I am thinking about the most is whether or not we should put a little bench in our front flower bed. The sun hits our backyard hard in the evening and so we will probably be spending lots of hours in our front yard. Most of our neighbors have covered porches -but we do not. So it might be nice to have a bench to sit on. But I worry that it will look funny to me to have a bench in the flower bed. Hmmm. Obviously I haven't decided yet.

And that's it for today's edition of "Things I think." Some of them are a little deep. Next time I'll do a "Thinks I Think - Light" Haha.

Dear Lydia,

Sometimes being a mom is hard. I want to do the very best things for you always and sometimes I can be intimidated at how many things I'm supposed to do (or not supposed to do) in order to have you turn out as a happy, contributing member of society. The internet is full of creative child-centered activities that focus on social, emotional, verbal, and gross/fine motor skills. Reading 1 million books to you by the time you are five. No TV, no princess toys, and certainly no high-fructose corn syrup. 

So much.

But darling, I am doing my very best. Your dad and I play with you every day. I tell you that I love you as often as I get the chance. I tell you that you are strong, talented, skilled, and lovely. I let you be adventurous but I stick close by to make sure you know I am there. I try to expose you to new things, even if they aren't the most creative or colorful or perfectly set up activities.

Then sometimes, just sometimes, I get a glimpse that maybe your dad and I are doing something right after all.

This week was one of those times. To that point, you'd really only said a couple words: Dad, and (sometimes) Mom. But one night as we were saying family prayers together - you said "Amen" with us. We both laughed and thought it was a fluke. We are trying to do a nightly routine of "Scripture, song, and prayer" with you - but you basically just walk around and play with your toys while your dad and I sit on the floor and talk to you. But somewhere in that little head, you've absorbed the importance of saying "amen" at the end of the prayer. You won't say it on command, but at the end of each prayer that we say - you join with us to say "amen". (You don't even repeat the word after we say it, you know when it's supposed to be said and you say it at the same time that we do - even if you are on the other side of the room.) My testimony has been strengthened that even if we don't think you are listening - you are. So even if you don't understand the scripture stories, or if you can't sit still during the prayer, now - at some point you will.

I hope and pray that when the time comes that you can understand, and you can sit through a prayer, that it will already be a habit in our little home and that you will already have experience with what the spirit feels like. I love you darling girl. I hope that I can be the kind of mom that you deserve. I hope that I can teach you to be strong, happy, and most of all - I hope I can teach you to know and love the Savior Jesus Christ. As I hear the little word "Aah-nnn" come from your mouth - I know that your dad and I are on the right track.

Your adoring Mom, Shantel

Dear Thursday,

Dear Thursday,
I love you because you are almost Friday. And I like the way that "Thursday" sounds.

Dear clouds in the sky,
After all of the heat we've been getting lately, you are my new best friend. Oh, and thank you for bringing your raindrops (even if they are few) with you when you came - our lawn needs it desperately.

Dear Lehi water shortage,
Because of you I feel guilty about taking my kitchen garbage can outside to rinse it out. I'm going to have to resort to leaving the garbage can outside and hope that the rain washes the yuckiness away.

Dear train in my backyard,
People ask me all the time if you bother us much. The answer is always "To get the view that I have outside, I'd take a train in my backyard any day." Thank you for being the trade-off so that we could afford to live in this neighborhood with such an amazing view.

Dear empty flowerbeds,
I'm so sorry that you are the only empty flowerbeds on the whole street. We just aren't good at the whole plant/flower thing. But don't worry - we are working on it. Soon you should have some nice boxwood shrubs and maybe even a nice little bench to keep you company.

Dear not-so-empty sink of dishes,
Why does it seem like every time I turn around you get more and more stacks of dirty dishes? I swear, you were clean last night. Why does it look like I haven't done dishes for a week?

Dear giant whiteboard calendar,
I am so excited that you arrived in the mail yesterday. Soon you will be hanging in my kitchen and I can. not. wait.

Dear iPhoto,
Thank you for helping me to organize my pictures so nicely. I love you even more after I learned that I can use you to do simple photo edits (like cropping and red-eye) without having to open the photo in photoshop. Also, forgive me for the 600 photos I upload every week. I like taking pictures.

Dear books that I love to read,
Why do you always have to end? I always feel a little sad when I turn the last page and realize that the story is ending. Let's do something about this, eh?

Dear Lehi Library,
Your book-hold program is awesome. I love that I can put the book I want on hold, then once I get the e-mail notification, come in and pick it up, check myself out, and be on my way within minutes. Whoever came up with the current hold-arrangement/self-checkout idea is brilliant. You should give them a raise.

Dear Mark Gungor,
Although I typically despise the stereotypes portrayed about men and women, your discussion about men's brains vs. women's brains hits the nail on the head when it comes to David and I. In fact, in the first year of our marriage - many conversations were aided by referring to the "nothing box". (Conversations aided meaning: If I asked David what he was thinking and then I didn't believe him when he said nothing, because, really! Who isn't thinking about anything? And then if I kept pressing him about what he was really thinking about until he got frustrated because, really! He was just thinking about nothing. It was all very confusing. After your lecture, David could just say "nothing" and I'd nod to myself and say "He was thinking about his nothing box." And let it go because it was okay for him to be in his nothing box.) We randomly ended up watching the clip again and both started laughing. Yep. It's still true. Thanks for the laughs and the advice! 

Knowles Family Reunion 2013 (And the 4th of July)

Over the Independence Day holiday we helped host the Knowles Family Reunion, technically it was called the "Bert and Ruth Elvin Family Reunion", because it was all of my Grandma Knowles' family AND her sister Berthene's family.  But for us, it was wonderful to be able to see all of our the family on my mom's side. It was quite a group! My mom's parents divorced when she was young and her mom got remarried when she was thirteen. It's amazing what my grandma and grandpa Knowles have been able to do together. You would never know that this is actually two families. Because it's not. It's one family, and even though we don't get to see each other often  - we love each other very much.

Not everyone was able to make it, but it was great to see those who could come: Grandma and Grandpa (Allen and Zuriel) Knowles, Cindy and Vardell Curtis and their kids/granddaughters: Trent, Tiffany, Shelby, and Sian Wintle, Niccole, Geoff, and Allyson(almost) Demke, Tyler and Chelsea Curtis. Eric Knowles and his daughter Addison, Todd and Lisa Knowles and their kids: Trevor and Elizabeth Knowles, Eliza, Abigail, Thaddeus. Todd and Pamela Brown and their kids: Ashley, Courtney, Amy, Kristin. Scott and Lori Walker and their kids/granddaughters: David, Shantel, Lydia Peaden, Kevin and Jenna Haderlie, Jacob. 

Love these guys!

(All of the grandkids.)

Lydia loved running around the park and playing in the grass (it was soft grass). She even found a dog that was there with it's owners and they let her pet him. She was in heaven. 

We headed to a church in Sandy (which looks just like the red church that I grew up attending in Ephraim) for lunch. We brought a bib, but a few strawberries after-the-fact necessitated a wardrobe change for our baby. After lunch we all just sat around and talked for a while. Lydia loved playing with her cousins (second cousins I guess). They let her play with their bouncy-balls and would run and catch them after she threw them. It was so darling and I'm grateful that they were willing to play with her even though she was so much smaller than they were.  

Sian is my cousin Tiffany's baby girl. She and Lydia are only weeks apart. It was fun to get them together.

This is the poster that I made for the family reunion. It had each of the five children with their children's families underneath. It turned out pretty nice and David especially liked having it to look at so he could remember everyone's names. We all took a break for the afternoon and then met at our house for dinner and fireworks at Thanksgiving Point. There were so many people. It made us glad for such a nice home where we could have such a large gathering. We loved it! 

It was a wonderful time. Plus, as an added bonus - my grandparents were able to stay with us for several days during the festivities. I'm grateful for such good examples of love, service, and kindness. 

Happy 4th of July and Family Reunioning!

Lydia Elise: 13-14 Months

Summer with a 14 month old is SO fun. She's big enough to go out and play in the grass, or at the pool, or even at the park but young enough that she still naps through the majority of the hot part of the day. I know I say it every time, but it's amazing how much she is learning. You can see the intelligence and adventure sparkling in her eyes.

Stats: Lydia is solidly in 12 month clothes now. I have several 18 month outfits that I occasionally put her in - but they are obviously too big. It's hard that clothes jump from 12 months to 18 months because that is a big difference! It's hard to balance that. She is still wearing size 2-3 shoes, but they are starting to get a little tight on her toes. She is in size 3 diapers (we took a break from cloth diapering this month). When we put her on the scale at Jeff and Kaylee's house the other day she weighed just over 20 lbs. She still only has her two bottom teeth, with no more in sight and she has very very little hair (although it is starting to come in a little bit!)

People still comment all the time that she is so little to be walking. And she really does look so little, especially compared to the other babies at church who have just started walking. I always reply something like "Yeah, she is just a little girl - but she has enough energy to make up for it!" While inside I am thinking - "Little? She's been walking for almost six months now. You should have seen her at 10 1/2 months. That was little." But in all honesty, she is little. And cute. Really cute.

Some things that I want to remember from this month:
--She loves to read books. She isn't as patient as she used to be. But she still loves to flip through books as you read them to her. The other day, David was reading his book and Lydia - all by herself - came up to him with her book and wanted to read next to him. She climbed up in her chair, reached for her book and they read their books together. Melt your heart! I hope that she learns to love reading as much as we do.

-- She still loves to play with balloons. I don't know why but she. loves. them. Don't worry, we don't let her put them close to her mouth and we always watch carefully when she is playing with a balloon. But it is too cute. (The outfit below was not matched to the balloon on purpose. In fact, I didn't realize it until I loaded the pictures on the computer - but lets be honest - it's so cute, right?)

--When we went to the pool on our little "Stay-cation", Lydia loved taking the laffy taffys and putting them in the waterbottle. So this month, we picked up some pompoms at the store and made her a little toy. She has spent hours and hours picking up the pompoms (we call them poufs or sometimes puffs) and putting them through the opening of an empty Powerade bottle. I'm constantly amazed at her small motor skills. We didn't even have to teach her what to do. She innately knew that she wanted the poufs in the bottle and she knew how to do it. She can pick up three of the smaller ones in her fist and manipulate them so that they all go into the bottle at the same time. She knows how to balance the big ones on the top and them push it in with her little fingers. She also demonstrates her quirk about wanting to carry things all in one hand - at one point she had seven of the larger pompoms in one hand. The other hand wasn't even really helping get them in. She would just push her fingers against the floor until she was able to get them all contained.

--Lydia has loved shoes for several months now. But lately she's gotten even more excited about trying on our shoes. She plays with them all the time. She will come and bring me my shoes (or David his shoes) and wait for me to put them on. Then she will go get her shoes and bring them to have us put them on her. Then she will go stand by the door like "Okay, we are ready... lets go!" Or sometimes she just wants to carry them around. But most of all, she likes to put her feet in them.

--Lydia started baby signing this month. I've been trying to teach her for months, but she just wasn't interested in it. While at the grocery store she saw a carton of strawberries and immediately started signing "more". It was amazing. Of course, I bought the strawberries and then practically overnight she started signing to communicate. She signs: more, please, milk, and all-done. Our neighbors let us borrow their signing time videos and we have been working on learning more signs. (Lydia won't really watch the videos (she doesn't watch TV ever really). But I watch them while she walks around me so that I can learn the signs to teach them to her. Right now we are working on: drink, water, dad, thank you, and dog.. among many others. I love it because she doens't have to whine and cry to tell me what she wants. It's already reduced her whining by 100%. Now she really only whines if I'm not fast enough to get her her food - or if I'm not watching as she is signing.

-- Did I mention that Lydia loves balloons? We've been to a couple of fairs/boutiques with the Lehi Roundup, Orem Summerfest, and Fourth of July. Every time she sees a balloon (or anything that looks like a balloon) she points and starts "ooh ooh ooh"ing. This balloon had lost about half of it's helium and so it would float, but only about halfway to the ceiling. It was probably the most fun balloon we've had at our house because it was low enough that Lydia could bat at it, then it would float away, then it would sink back down very slowly. She loved it. 

--Lydia loves her dad so much. You can see how much she adores him. She is a lucky girl to have a dad as wonderful as David is. He loves to play with her and she loves to show him all of her toys. These two have a special connection, and it's neat to watch them play together. In fact, she pretty much wants to do whatever he is doing. All the time. 

-- I don't know where she got it from, but she loves to "lounge". She will lean herself back on the couch, or the chaise, or in her little chairs and look so comfortable. It's just like "What, I'm just relaxin here." My favorite is that she will climb up on our brown chaise and turn around to lean against the back. She will throw her little legs out in front of her and just have this look of complete relaxation. It makes me laugh every time. 

 

-- Everywhere we go, people comment about how pretty her eyes are. They are big and blue just like Davids. Also, Lydia loves riding in her stroller. It doesn't matter if we are walking around the block or if we are strolling along the fairgrounds - she just loves to look around and see new things. 

--She loves to play with her pink ball (from Grandma Walker). She will pick it up and throw it, or kick it around. She really loves to play with ANY ball that she can find. She found this one at the Coopers House and wouldn't put it down to play with any other toys. 

-- I take hundreds and hundreds of pictures of Lydia each month (not a lie). But this girl is a mover she loves to GO GO GO. So, most of the pictures that I take end up looking like this: 

Her as she is walking away from me. Its a miracle if I can get a good picture of her. 

Some of the things that I want to remember from this month that I don't have pictures for: 

--She eats a TON. She just burns so much energy that when we sit down to eat, you'd think that I hadn't fed her for days. I'm in need of some good baby/toddler friendly meal ideas because cottage cheese and graham crackers just aren't cutting it. She easily eats as much as I do. For the most part she will eat almost anything - but she is starting to get a little more selective about the things she likes. 

- She has started blowing on her food when I put it on the tray. It's so cute to watch her mimic me as I blow on her food to cool it off. It's the cutest little blow (pfuu, pfuu, pfuu) and I wish that she would never stop doing it. 

--When she is tired and she sees her fuzzy bunny or teddy bear, she will grab them and bury her face in the fur. The sweetest thing is when I lay her down in her crib at night and she reaches out for her stuffed animal and pulls it in close to her chest as she falls asleep. I love it so much. It reminds me of the many many years that I slept with my stuffed bunny cuddled up to my chest just like that. 

Moral of the story - we love this girl. I'm sure there are a million more things that I could write about... but I'm just doing my best to do what I can do. Every day I pray that I can be a better mom than I was the day before. It's slow going, but we really are working on it. I love this girl more than I can even imagine and I am so grateful that I get to call her mine.