Dear Austin (the Magnificent)

Dear Austin, 

I wanted to share with you an experience that happened to me relating to your name. It was a tender experience and I'm just so surprised and amazed. 

Let me start by reminding you about something that happened the day you were born, the moment you were born. Your birth story was a little wild and crazy, only making it to the hospital about 6 minutes before you made your grand entrance into the world. I had planned to have an epidural but obviously, there wasn't enough time - there wasn't even enough time for the doctor to arrive! You were delivered by one of the Nurses, Leslie Haynes.  

I wrote this in our blog about your birth: 

"Shantel: As soon as I saw my baby appear, I reached out my arms for him and the nurse handed him right to me. I pulled him up to my chest as tears filled my eyes and love filled my heart. I was still in a bit of shock because everything had happened so quickly, but I knew that he was my baby and I was filled with gratitude that he had arrived safely. He wasn't crying and I quickly asked the nurse if he was okay, if he was breathing, and she responded that he was perfect and was doing great. I just held him and thought over and over that he was magnificent. That's the exact word that kept going through my mind. It repeated over and over. Magnificent. (i.e. spectacular, majestic, awe-inspiring, or breathtaking.) My baby boy was here, and it was magnificent. He was magnificent. Even after our specialist appointment with Maternal Fetal Medicine at 22 weeks clearing him of any echogenic focuses, I still worried/wondered if something would manifest itself after his birth. Many, many prayers had been said on behalf of this tiny baby, and seeing him there - absolutely perfect was such a huge blessing."

https://thepeadenlife.blogspot.com/2014/10/austins-birth-story.html

We had come to the hospital without a pre-determined name. We had three names that were top contenders from about 34 weeks on: Austin, Samuel, Owen. By 36 weeks, I noted that my favorite name was Austin but at 37 weeks I admitted that although we were closer to a name we hadn't picked "the one" yet. We took all three names to the hospital but after the birth experience I was ready to throw them all out the window. I remember googling on my (2014 technology) phone looking for names meaning "Magnificent" but couldn't find anything that seemed like a reasonable baby name. I was so disappointed. I don't remember writing any of this down - and can't find a record of why we ended up choosing Austin, but I do remember how stressful it was to not have a name and how we kept going back and forth until the last minute. (We took a name to the hospital with the rest of the kids because of how stressful it was to "bring a couple names to the hospital and see what felt right".) 

Now fast forward to 2024. You are nine years old now (will be 10 this year!). You love to hear me tell the story of the night you were born and I love to tell you how dramatic it was and how amazing it was to hold you as a tiny baby in my arms. I usually just tell the parts about getting pulled over by the police officer and being worried that the nurses were going to send me home - only to be holding you six minutes later. But this time we were driving in the car headed to a baseball practice. You had been a little worried about a few things and I ended up telling you the story again - but this time I included the part about how strongly I felt the word "Magnificent" as you were coming into the world. I told you about how I felt such an incredible connection to your spirit and how the only word that could describe the greatness of your soul was "magnificent". At the time I felt a little twinge of sadness that I hadn't been able to find a name that meant magnificent, even though your spirit clearly is "impressively beautiful, or great (late Middle English: via Old French from Latin magnificent- ‘making great’, based on magnus ‘great’.)"

Later that very same week I was at a Mothers of Influence meeting (a group of homeschooling mothers who gather together to learn, support, and create goodness) and the topic turned to the importance of names. We talked about the names of Christ and the power of our individual names in our lives. Mosiah 5:12 says "I would that we should remember to retain the name written always in your hearts." We know that in scripture, the name of God signifies his titles, his attributes, his will or purpose, his honor and glory, his word, his grace, his wistom power, and goodness (Exodus 20:7). We also know that God uses symbolism in the names of his followers (Jacob-Israel, Eve, and so many others). The bible is full of symbolic names and we discussed how we can gain power from learning about our name and how that relates to our divine natures. It was a really neat discussion and I felt again that I wished I had been able to find a name with that meaning. So I googled it again, right there during the meeting (now using 2024 phone technology) and somehow, after nine years of not knowing this - I found your name as the second one down. "Austin." Baby name website Nameberry confirmed that Austin means great and magnificent.

I am in awe of the fact that your spirit was so magnificent that there was no other name that could be given you - other than the name Austin. Even though we didn't know exactly - the Lord knew and guided us to find the right name for you. There is power in your name Austin and I feel so strongly that you have a great work ahead of you that you have been prepared for before you were even born. Your spirit is great and is up to whatever task is asked of you in this life. 

In the last General Conference (April 2024) Elder Steven R. Bangerter of the Seventy gave a talk titled "Foreordained to Serve". He quotes President Russell M Nelson saying "Your Heavenly Father has known you for a very long time. You, as His son or daughter, were chosen by Him to come to earth at this precise time, to be a leader in His great work on earth." 

He goes on to say "When He created you spiritually, He loved you as His spirit sons and daughters and embedded within each of you a divine nature and eternal destiny. During your premortal life you developed your identity and increased your spiritual capabilities." ... "Before you were born, God appointed each of you to fulfill specific missions during your mortal life upon the earth." ..."Those premortal promises and blessings are called your foreordination" ... "Knowing who you are being with understanding God's foreordained blessings bestowed upon you before you were ever born on this earth. Our Heavenly Father desires to reveal to you your personal foreordination, and He will do so as you seek to learn and follow His will."  

Austin, I know that your spirit was great before it was even born. I was the first one to hold you in my arms and even as a tiny baby I felt such an incredible power and glory surrounding you. 

You are magnificent. I am so grateful that I am your mother and I get to watch you learn and grow into the divine destiny ahead of you. 

The Kids : Us

Once, a long time ago - I did a post titled "He, She, We" where I talked about Austin, Lydia, then David & I. I thought that maybe I'd do a quick post like that about each of us, except I'd have to call it She, He, He, She, We.

My, how our little family has grown.

Lucy Holland
Often called, Lucy-lou, Lucy-love, or Lucy-goosey. She's starting to sit up like a champ and is just the sweetest girl you could ever imagine. She has a particular attachment to her Uncle Bruce who has been spending a lot of time with her (every Tuesday when we go and visit Cal and Sue and also many Saturdays working on our basement). She loves her siblings. She babbles while Lydia sings to her and sounds like she's singing right along with her. Austin can make her laugh more than anyone or anything else. She tolerates Caleb, which is so good because he adores her and is constantly in her face about something or other.



Caleb Samuel
My favorite thing to ask him is "How old are you?" because he usually thinks about it for just a second or so, then manages to hold his fingers up and says "I'm two!" He's just so pleased about being two. He also fully embraces his two-ness. He explores, makes messes, and appreciates the simple things of life. He has the biggest cheesiest grin and I love it and him, so much.

Austin Scott
He's been working on Upstart, a computer preschool, since August and he's really been enjoying it. His very favorite part is in the science section where he has tracked a chicken from an egg, through hatching, until it's full grown. He told his speech teacher all about it and made sure to give her reports (including pictures) of his chicken's progress. He is such a great little helper. The other day I asked for his help to bring the groceries inside from the car. He was so helpful in carrying things inside. I took Lucy upstairs to put her down for a nap before putting everything away and when I came down he and Caleb had put ALL the bags of things away. There were only a few things in the wrong spots (like Pillsbury biscuits in the pantry instead of the fridge). It was so kind of him and I was so grateful.  He loves the simplest things. He saw this airplane fabric at the fabric store when we were shopping for fabric for a Christmas present and decided that he loved it. He talked about it every time we went back, but it's about $20 a yard. It was so sweet. (update: He ended up getting a yard of fabric from Grandma Peaden for Christmas. Not a blanket or anything, just fabric. It was one of his most prized gifts.) He's always creating and "inventing" things and talks about wanting to be a builder or a machine maker when he grows up and he's well on his way. Okay, last thing: The other day he asked David to make macaroni and cheese with him (He's a great chef). They cooked it up together then ate it together. Austin chatted to David the whole time and I looked over to see them, Austin explaining (in detail) a plot twist in a recent Wild Kratts tv episode. It was just so sweet to watch them. Austin is wonderful at this age. Big emotions, but immense love, and incredible learning and growing. 

Lydia Elise
Her favorite color is brown because she loves dogs and a lot of dogs are brown. That's only the tiniest indication of how much she loves dogs. She fearlessly approaches dog owners while we are out and about and asks them what breed their dog is (first guessing herself what breed it is - usually she's right.) She's the best older sister, constantly taking care of Lucy, reading books to Caleb, and playing with Austin. Man, we are just so lucky to have her in our family. She sleeps all spread out, and frequently falls out of her bed. In the picture below, she is half out of her bed and still totally asleep.  She is stubborn.stubborn.stubborn. But David's Grandma McAllister always said, "I'm not stubborn I'm just persistent." So she gets it from David, for sure. (Ha.) And I try to remember that she's smart and growing SO much and that her persistence will be a positive thing for her in her life. And for as stubborn as she can be, she is equal parts sweet. She made this sweet wall hanging for us for Christmas "Love in your home". The last picture wraps her up perfectly. "I am so happy. {dog picture}."



Us:
The "we" in this adventure. It's sometimes hard to believe that together we've created this family of four kids. In some ways our lives are completely different than they were ten years ago, but in other ways, things feel exactly the same. We still just love to be together more than anything else. Some things that we like to do together right now: -watching hallmark movies after our kids go to bed. -reading books and cuddling on the couch. -working together (working on our basement took ALL of our extra time through the fall and I'm SO glad that we took a break for the holidays, but even that is enjoyable when we are doing it together. David brings me home donuts from work, makes me laugh, rubs my back as I fall asleep every night while he reads his book or watches sports, (he rarely watches sports during the day because he wants to spend time with his family and saves it for after we are all asleep) encourages me to do my best, and makes me feel like a million bucks for doing the smallest things. As I was writing this, I realized that I could think of a hundred things that David does for me and barely any that are noteworthy that I do for him. I mentioned that to him and he said "You leave me treats on my shelf, you write nice notes to me, you make special dinners that you know I will like, you let me watch special sports games while you put the kids to bed, you laugh at my jokes." We have such a happy life together, and I think the key is that we are always trying to serve and love the other one (combined with ample amounts of thinking the best of them and being quick to apologize and quick to forgive). It's easy to give 100% to the other person when you know they are giving 100% right back to you. I'm just really glad that we are in this together. There's no one I'd rather be "US" with.

Dear Austin,

Dear Austin, 

I had a Primary Presidency meeting tonight at 8:00 downstairs in our living room. I got you in bed by seven and came in and checked on you several times before my meeting. Finally, as my meeting got closer, I told you that I really needed you to go to sleep and that wouldn't be able to come up to check on you until after my meeting. I didn't hear another peep from you, but when I was finished with my meeting and headed back upstairs to check on you I found you fast asleep at the top of the stairs - just waiting for me.  

My sweet boy. I can just imagine you not being able to fall asleep and coming out of your room and stopping by the gate because you knew that you weren't supposed to come downstairs during my meeting. I imagine you laying down and listening to the sound of my voice, thinking that you'd just wait there until I came back upstairs.

My heart simultaneously burst with love for you and also broke because of how much I wish I could give you as your mother and how often I fail at that. I make mistakes all the time. You mean so much to me and you are far more important than any meeting. Although, I am grateful that you did stay upstairs because I did have a meeting- and serving in my calling is important to me, too. It's such a hard balance.

I scooped you up and carried you back to your bed, kissing your forehead, whispering how much I love you, and tucking you in before I left. I hope that you remember the love, the book reading in bed, the kisses, and the attention focused just on you. I hope you know that I'm doing my best. You are special to me. You have a tender heart and I am so lucky to be your mom.

Love, Mama. 

Austin - Talking Time

I have briefly mentioned a few times that Austin qualified for speech therapy services through Alpine School District due to an articulation delay. He's been attending a class once a week called Talking Time and I decided that I should probably do a quick update before the end of the year. 

Austin, I want you to know that I love you and that I'm incredibly proud of the effort that you are making in order to do something that is so easy for other people and so very difficult for you. You enjoy going to Talking Time, mostly because you enjoy the craft so much, but I think that you're starting to get more and more frustrated with how many people can't understand you - and I think that you know that this class is supposed to help with that. I enjoy going to Talking Time with you, mostly because it's one hour each week that I get to spend just with you. That one-on-one time is very special to me. 

For Christmas this year, they had "Mrs. Claus" come in and read some special things about you before giving you a small gift. It was fun, even if you weren't sure what to think about the whole Santa Claus thing. 

Learning to articulate can be frustrating for you and it breaks my heart to watch you trying so hard with so little progress. But I believe in you. I believe that you'll be able to overcome this obstacle in your life. You are smart, capable, kind, and willing to listen. I'm your biggest cheerleader and I always will be. I love you, Austin Scott Peaden.

Dear Austin

Dear Austin, 

You are the sweetest boy with the biggest heart for your mama. It's not uncommon for you to come up to me, throw your arms around my neck, and hold on as tight as you can saying only one word "Mama". Sometimes that's extended to "You're my mama." You have recently been telling me "I'm going to stay with you forever." You melt my heart with how much you love me and I want you to know that I love you, too. SO much. 

We've been doing tokens as a bedtime reward. If you stay in your bed and go to sleep relatively easily, we tape a token to your bed and you get to put it on the chart in the morning. After 10 tokens you earn a prize. The last two times in a row (basically a month of bedtimes) you've requested a Mommy-Austin Ice Cream Date. It has been my pleasure, and I'm so lucky that the prize you want more than anything else is to spend extra time with me. This time around, when we were laying down at bedtime snuggling and talking about our ice-cream date, I asked if you wanted chocolate, vanilla, or a twist. You requested two ice cream cones - a twist and a plain chocolate. I agreed and when you finally earned the prize, you remembered and were so happy with your choices. 

Later that night when I came in to your room, after bedtime, I laughed because I loved the way you were sleeping so much. You were holding onto the bars of your bed like you'd fallen asleep holding on to them but you were still snuggled up tight.  

I love you Austin. You are special to me and I'm so glad to me someone who is so special to you.
Love, Mama.

Dear Austin,

Dear Austin,
You are my sweet little boy and my heart is so full that I get to have you to be mine. I love to listen to you sing songs to Caleb when you think no one else is around, your little three-year-old voice singing things like "You're spec-a to meeee, you're spec-a to meee" or "I love you Caaaalebbbbbb."

You ask almost every day, "Is it Sunday?" and then when we say no, you follow that question up with "Can I watch a Daniel Tiger/Paw Patrol/Super Why?" Smart boy- getting our excuses out of the way before you ask. Ha. You really like to watch TV - and I really like that you still think that those three shows are the only ones out there.

You're been a little afraid at nighttime lately, insisting that we keep the closet light on, and being truly scared when you see a shadow of something you don't recognize. We've watched a lot of Daniel Tiger about what to do when you're scared. And either Dad or I have been laying with you for a while before bedtime. (Because, it's real hard to say no to your sweet voice asking "Will you lay by me?") The other night when I was trying to leave the room fairly quickly, you kept asking me something. I thought you were asking me to lay by you, or to get you something and I kept verbally pushing you off with things like "I can't lay by you, but I will come and check on you in 15 minutes". Finally I realized that I wasn't understanding what you were saying and listened harder. My heart cracked when I realized what you were asking me: "Will you say a prayer that I will be safe?" My sweet boy, I hope that you always remember that saying a prayer will help you with anything you need in your life. Thank you for reminding me of the same thing.

I love you, Austin. I pray for you every day. Both in gratitude for you, and that you will have the things you need in your life to learn and grow and to develop a testimony of our Savior. I pray that I can be the mom that you deserve, and that I can be better every day.

Love,
Your mom

Dear Austin,

My sweet baby boy,
Last night you were having a rougher-than-usual time falling asleep. I'd been in your room several times - gotten you to fall asleep and successfully transferred you to your bed - only to have you wake up 20 minutes later. I would stare at your monitor, silently wishing that you would fall back asleep on your own, sigh, get up, and head back upstairs. The process was starting to wear on me. But as I scooped you up in my arms, again, I was struck by the amazingness of your presence. My sweet baby, who I prayed for and waited for and wanted so badly, you were here in my arms. It's strange how pregnancy can seem so long and those newborn months are so all-encompassing, but sometimes when I look at you - I am surprised and amazed that you are here and that you are mine.

I walked you to our big cozy chair and slid in sideways, leaning my shoulder into the soft back of the chair and bringing my leg up to rest your body on. I started nursing you, even though you were already half asleep already. Within seconds your body relaxed and you were sound asleep again. I stared down at your face, grateful for the love filling my heart and replacing the frustration. As I looked at you, you smiled in your sleep and I was overcome with love for you. I don't know what you were dreaming about. Maybe you were dreaming about your Daddy coming home from work and giving you a big kiss on your forehead. Maybe you were watching Lydia run in circles and make funny noises to make you laugh. Maybe it was some abstract dream of colors and shapes. Or maybe, maybe you could feel the love radiating from my soul and it seeped into your little body filling you with a portion of the happiness that I was feeling.

I've been thinking about that moment all night. It didn't last very long, just a few minutes - but that sweet connection with you is one that I already cherish. I hope you always know how much I love you. Even as I spend my nights sleeping in a chair and spend my days holding you on my hip - I wouldn't trade you for anything in the world. I will love you always.

Forever,
Your adoring Mother.