Dear Austin,

My sweet baby boy,
Last night you were having a rougher-than-usual time falling asleep. I'd been in your room several times - gotten you to fall asleep and successfully transferred you to your bed - only to have you wake up 20 minutes later. I would stare at your monitor, silently wishing that you would fall back asleep on your own, sigh, get up, and head back upstairs. The process was starting to wear on me. But as I scooped you up in my arms, again, I was struck by the amazingness of your presence. My sweet baby, who I prayed for and waited for and wanted so badly, you were here in my arms. It's strange how pregnancy can seem so long and those newborn months are so all-encompassing, but sometimes when I look at you - I am surprised and amazed that you are here and that you are mine.

I walked you to our big cozy chair and slid in sideways, leaning my shoulder into the soft back of the chair and bringing my leg up to rest your body on. I started nursing you, even though you were already half asleep already. Within seconds your body relaxed and you were sound asleep again. I stared down at your face, grateful for the love filling my heart and replacing the frustration. As I looked at you, you smiled in your sleep and I was overcome with love for you. I don't know what you were dreaming about. Maybe you were dreaming about your Daddy coming home from work and giving you a big kiss on your forehead. Maybe you were watching Lydia run in circles and make funny noises to make you laugh. Maybe it was some abstract dream of colors and shapes. Or maybe, maybe you could feel the love radiating from my soul and it seeped into your little body filling you with a portion of the happiness that I was feeling.

I've been thinking about that moment all night. It didn't last very long, just a few minutes - but that sweet connection with you is one that I already cherish. I hope you always know how much I love you. Even as I spend my nights sleeping in a chair and spend my days holding you on my hip - I wouldn't trade you for anything in the world. I will love you always.

Forever,
Your adoring Mother.