insta-december

insta-december

Only four posts this month. It's interesting because it seems like the more things that I have to say, the less I actually post. I can't seem to narrow it down enough to fit into a small paragraph under a picture because I have SO many things bouncing around in my brain and so I just... don't. Also, I basically want to post every single picture that I take of Lucy - but I restrain myself because you can't just post 100 photos of a baby with the same caption: "I love her." 

It's been a good holiday season, with some big things happening in the life of our little Lucy. Instagram has been a blessing to be able to distribute information to close friends and family members quickly and easily and I've been grateful for that. 

Here are just a few of the things from the month: 

{12.11.19}

We were able to attend a beautiful Choir Concert that my little brother performed in this past week. It was amazing. I'm so proud of my Jacob Colvin, my Baker-boy. And I'm so grateful for my dad who is such an example of goodness and unconditional support. I've been "grown" for over ten years now but he's still there, showing up as a rockstar dad. I snuck a Marco Polo of Jacob during the performance to send to the rest of my family and I've been listening to it on repeat. The words keep sounding in my mind over and over: "Fear not... The Lord has heard your prayers... The Lord is with you... Peace on Earth..." And the powerful "Angels are making their rounds." I have been feeling the peace that comes from feeling that the Lord is with me and I have seen firsthand the Angels that are making their rounds through my life. Loving notes stuck in a Christmas Card, family with kind words and undying support, a friend who showed up with dinner prepped for tomorrow evening so that I don't have to worry about it. Because, tomorrow is Lucy's follow up appointment with the Opthtomologist. I don't know what to expect and I fairly fly between feeling like I'm ridiculously overreacting and feeling the weight of bad/hard news hanging right around the corner. But I KNOW that angels from both sides of the veil are watching over our sweet little girl. And that she is loved by Heavenly Parents. #lighttheworld #lucyholland

{12.13.19}

An update on our sweet Lucy. We didn't get much more detailed information at our appointment but the doctor said that he was VERY happy. He said that at our last appointment he had been very worried that she was on the more severe end of the range, but that she's improved and he's confident that she'll end up at the middle to high end of the range. He attributed it to her being an little older, but it is clear to us that it was no coincidence. It's not that she was showing signs pointing to severe disability and then she just improved. We feel it an answer to our prayers and so we are very, very grateful. We are so very grateful for the prayers of you, our friends and family members. There are countless people who have been praying for us and for Lucy, and each time someone else tells me we have been in their prayers I am humbled, almost to tears. I believe that prayer makes a difference and I believe that these prayers have worked a miracle in the life of our Lucy. We won't know exactly what her life will be like until she starts hitting milestones, but we know that she can see some, and we know that she will have loving support no matter what. She received a blessing this week and was blessed with a knowledge that her sight is a miracle from the Lord. We have a second opinion scheduled at the end of the month with the Moran Eye Center to see if there is anything that they can tell us. But for now we will keep praying, keep moving forward with faith and gratitude, and keep snuggling our sweet Lucy-loo. #lucyholland (Picture credit: Austin. I found this photo while scrolling through an assortment of random photos of things that are interesting to Austin and thought it fit this post perfectly.)

{12.24.19}

Sneaking ten minutes together with some hot cocoa and a Hallmark at the end of a beautiful Christmas Eve. 🎄 12 years since I met you @davidpeaden and you still make Christmas magical. (And also the fact that you helped get all our presents wrapped last week so we didn't have to wrap them tonight... I love that about you, too.)

{12.26.19}

Christmas baby. 😍

Homeschool - December

Just living our best homeschool life. I feel like we were just getting into our flow of things (how many times have I said this, ha) and then the holidays hit. But we decided to embrace it all and we had a successful and enjoyable month. 

Here are some highlights: 

-Lydia frequently requests to have Lucy right next to her while she's working on her worksheets. If nothing else, seeing this makes me grateful for the gift of homeschool.

The German Christkindlmarkt

A fun day of exploring another culture and also just enjoying being outside amid festivities. 

Lydia Basketball

She's been playing on a rec-leauge from Nov-Dec and has had a really good time. 

Austin's Talking Time

His teacher is a gem and he's working so hard. I enjoy these few hours a week I get to spend with just him. (And Lucy). 

Practicing symmetry in the bathroom mirror. Lydia loved this activity. 

My mom is a champion and has come to stay with us several times recently. Lydia's sucked her into to her dog quest and has almost convinced my parents to adopt a pet dog. Lydia is really into dogs right now. She writes stories about them, reads books about them (non-stop) and studies the types of breeds to be able to identify them in the "wild". It's amazing to see how much she knows. 

We went on a field trip to the Clark Planetarium with Zachary and Melissa and it was such a nice afternoon. 

We ran into a homeschooling friend when we were out at deseret book running an errand and they both sat down to read together while they waited for their moms to shop. I loved it. I often say that Lydia is a voracious reader, but truly - here we are walking/reading through the grocery store. 

Often I wonder what in the world we are doing with this homeschool thing. Homeschooling with a new baby has not been easy. I am really missing the joy that we found in homeschooling last year. I feel like we are missing something. But I'm trying to tell myself that we have a new baby and it will get better. 

Lucy hit six months less than 2 weeks ago and it feels like we are starting to step out of a fog. I feel SO much more capable and encouraged than I have in months and months. Even things like sitting down and making a meal plan are suddenly not so overwhelming. It's like I've gained the mental bandwidth to plan and prepare things again, and to be excited about doing it. I'm planning to take some time during this break to do some homeschool planning and I'm hoping that this is a turning point for us. But with or without that turning point. My kids are doing well. I'm happy to have them home with me. I treasure the relationships they are creating with each other. I'm praying the Lord will continue to bless our home with love and faith and that this homeschool will provide us the opportunity to strengthen our family and gospel foundation.

Lucy's Eyes - Update (7 months)

A lot of this information I wrote in Lucy's 6-7 month post, but we wanted to add it here in a separate post for ease of looking it up plus expound on a few things, maybe.

We went to our pediatric well check right after Lucy turned six months. She's growing well and although she's behind in a few milestones, we expected that - and truly she's doing really well. Dr. Foster encouraged us to continue to have her wear hats and sunscreen, but other than that he is happy with her growing. Shortly following her pediatrician appointment, we had our follow up appointment with the Pediatric Ophthalmologist that we saw when she was two months old.
Dr. Scott Yates checked her out, did a brief eye exam, and confirmed his diagnosis of Albinism and Nystagmus. He was so pleased with her progress and I feel like it was truly a miracle. He said that at the last appointment he was worried that she would be at the low end of the visual spectrum but that he was relieved that she would be toward the upper end of visual quality of life. He seemed to pass it off as coincidence, but his words from our first appointment echoed in my ears, "If she has any significant improvement - it would be a miracle." By all of my understanding, she shouldn't have improved so much, but she has! Not only is she tracking even small objects, she can obviously see you when you're close. She smiles when you smile. She follows her siblings while they race around the room. She started out with only seeing large bright objects but now she picks up small cheerios off of her tan tray that she's eating on. (The first time she did that, I about cried.) It still seems like she's looking through me when she's trying to look at me and I'm truly not sure what she is seeing actually looks like. Her eyes still move pretty constantly, but it's not as erratic. She's a miracle.



Before Lucy's follow-up appointment with Dr. Yates, she had a blessing. Among other things, she was blessed..
To recognize throughout her life that her eyesight is a miracle from God. For her vision to continue to improve. Blessed with safety- if her vision impairment puts her in harms way she will be protected by those around her and by Angels sent from the Lord. That her development in other areas will continue to grow.

Even just typing that blessing brings tears to my eyes. When I first heard the blessing, I thought that clearly the Lord meant that her improved eyesight is a miracle from God. And I believe 100% that is it. But there is a small voice whispering to my heart that, also, it's her reduced eyesight that is the blessing. This is exactly what she needs in her journey. This is the thing that will bring her closer to her Heavenly Parents and to the Savior and that will help her progress on her journey.

I'm so incredibly grateful for the progress that we've seen, the miracle that her eyesight is, and a loving God that knows her and us and is here to lift, support, comfort, and bless us.


-We went to a second-opinion appointment with Dr. Leah Owens at the Moran Eye Center (connected to the UofU and Primary Children's). They did a slightly more thorough eye exam and were very pleased with what they saw. Dr. Owens said several times that she was relieved because from what we'd told her about her history she expected it to be much worse, but that Lucy's improvement and where she's at right now is very hopeful! (We really liked Dr. Owens and we will probably continue to see her instead of our first OP). She's not convinced that the diagnosis of Albinism is right, so she referred us for genetic testing. Either way, the future is bright for this little light of ours and we are so happy. We won't really know how much the depth perception will affect her vision until she starts getting bigger and can hit some more milestones. But we will cross those bridges when we get there.

I often think this, and probably often say this. But sometimes this feels like SUCH a big deal. And then other times it feels like it's not a big deal at all. Everyone has challenges in life and it's FINE. We deal with them and they help us learn and grow. So even though we are posting about this a lot, mostly, everything is just normal. We will deal with things as they come and we will work through them with faith and have hope that we will be better people in the end because of them.