I've been working so hard for the past five months to teach my students so that they really understand the material. I mean - serious emphasis on application and teaching so that they know their stuff. I have stuck tightly to the standards and objectives that the state provides, and have tried to be thorough in each area. Yesterday and today I have been State Skills Testing with my students. My highest passing rate for a class so far is 50%. I have lots of students that are "almost" passing - but only 1/2 of them have actually passed. That is my highest class passing rate.
I guess I am feeling discouraged because I have poured my heart and soul into this teaching thing. It is rare for me to work less than 10 hours a day and common for me to work 12 or 13. I know that every student learns differently, and that some of them don't like me or my teaching style, but I really have tried to help my students learn. I expected better. Of course not 100% - but I was hoping that at least 80% of my students would pass. I feel like such a crappy teacher - it makes me want to cry.
Plus, I have been feeling frustrated in other areas of my life. I've been so busy that i've been slacking off with making sure that we are eating good dinners, I haven't done the dishes in weeks, and our laundry pile is overloaded. I'm having a hard time with our ward (David and I are the new teachers of a Sunday school class that consists of an 85 year old who can't hear and a 65 year old who hates the church. We haven't ever officially been issued the calling - but we were introduced to the "class" as the new teachers. So... who knows what will happen there.) It just seems like one thing after another.
Have I mentioned that my classroom is down the "Cowboy Hall." And that my desk is right next to a window. I hear cuss words all day and am surrounded by students who have no sense of respect and who are constantly making noise. It's especially frustrating today - because we are testing. That means that my classroom is completely quiet and we can hear everything that is going on in the hall. Why those students aren't in class? I don't know.
I guess I just needed an outlet today. I'm frustrated and discouraged and feel like I try so, SO, hard and yet I am always lacking somewhere. Or everywhere. I don't know.
In happier news, my little brother and sister are graduating next week! I sure can't believe it. I love them both so much and am super grateful to be able to call them friends as well as siblings. Here is the graduation announcement that I put together for them this week.
I love designing announcements because it is a tangible demonstration of accomplishment. I can fail at cooking, fail at cleaning, and even fail at teaching - but there is something special about designing something on the computer, making it perfect for the people i'm designing it for, then printing it out and having it look professionally done. It's a great feeling. Maybe i'll go home and design some more announcements to help me get over this discouraging day i've had. Or maybe I will just pick up a pizza on the way home, take a nap, and eat chocolate for dessert.
Yeah... that's probably what I will do.
10 comments:
No need to be so hard on yourself! As hard as it is to except, if i have only learned one thing being an adult/Wife/Mother its that no matter how hard you try everything isnt always going to turn out perfect! Sometimes its better and sometimes its ohhhh so worse!! lol A person can only do physically so much in a day and sometimes the to do lists just really need to be cut in half... or a 1/16 SERIOUSLY!! I struggled with that for quite some time with all the pressures of being a wife, having the perfect house, being totally put together, being the perfect mom, accomplishing everything i wanted to do, being a good friend etc....You are amazing! Just dont be so hard on yourself :)
Oh Shantel! I'm sorry you are having such a hard time with everything going on. I can sympathize with you on the teaching front; that is definitely not an ideal situation and it stinks when you feel like you are doing all you can and not getting the results you want!! Keep trying; it will pay off :)
And a little encouragement...Julie B. Beck once said, "you are doing better than you think you are."
So true! You are doing great :)
Just remember as a teacher we teach and hope the students take the information we give them....but honestly we can't force students to do things if they don't care. I am sure you did a great job teaching the students. Sadly enough teachers are "graded" on how well their students do....and unfortunately you teach high schoolers who think they know everything already and don't think they should have to pay attention to what teachers are teaching. I don't know if this helps....but just know I know you are a FANTASTIC teacher but who you are as a person.
Oh Shan. I admire you for your hard work and dedication to your students. Hang in there!! I personally can't wait for school to get out because that means we get to HANG!
I feel you. Sometimes you feel like you try so hard...seems like growing up, as long as you tried it worked! But as life gets older and more complicated, all of a sudden you can try harder than you ever have before and still fail. It's discouraging. And it's easy to look around and see all the other wives who make perfect dinners and have beautiful, clean homes etc. But nobody has the same circumstances as someone else. You can only do what you can do! And as mentioned in another comment, you are doing better than you think you are. :) Keep your head up!
Sometimes, despite your best efforts, things don't always go the way you'd like them to. We've all been there. However, I agree with you that a little chocolate goes a LONG way! Keep hanging in there! Only 10 school days left :)
What can I say that hasn't already been said? I'm reminded of the book Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day. Some days are just like that. I'd say you could move to Australia, but then I'd miss you too much. Hang in there. I love you.
God put us here in this beautiful world but some days we see more of the weeds and thorns than we do of the flowers. Just remember God loves you and knows of your struggles. Your family loves you so much and we know what an amazing person you really are. I agree with Wendy. Eat chocolate. love sue
I LOVE YOU!
ahh! i know just how you feel. sorry it was a crappy day :( students can be such bums. i had some students seriously, seriously fail their crts just because they clicked through the answers. and then that drags down the enter average. it's so frustrating! and then the students who are capable and still fail...that makes me mad. what can you do, though. ya know? you put in your best, and that has to be good enough. there will always be students who are punks and don't want to learn, no matter what you do. and even if they do learn, it is up to them to decide what to do with that. ugh. i just totally know how you feel. i am sure you are doing a great job at teaching! it is tough. people don't udnerstand it unless they do it. it is a hard job. but i'm sure you're doing great! keep it up! in better news...only one more week!!
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