Details - Baby #2

First of all, we are thrilled to finally have shared the news of our new little baby, set to arrive in September. There has been an unexpected outpouring of love and support from friends and family alike, and we feel so blessed to be surrounded by such amazing people.

Several people have mentioned that they can't wait for more details to appear on the blog - and I am one of them! At Melissa's wedding, my Aunt Kim and I were talking and she mentioned that she was excited for the wedding to be over so that I would have time to start blogging again because she'd noticed my blogging absence. We laughed, and then I told her that the real reason for my blogging slump (okay, in addition to the wedding) was that we were expecting a baby and that it's hard to write about things when you can't include the thing that is the very most important/special! (My sweet aunt was so excited for our news that she started to cry, just another example of the amazing people that we have been blessed with in our lives.) It's so exciting to be able to share this news with everyone and I'm excited to be "public" with our news and be able to start sharing the little details of our lives again. However, this post has turned into something that may have more "details" than some might have bargained for. You have been warned.

I do want to add, many of you know that we've been wanting to add a new baby to our family for quite a while. We've experienced so much love and support through the past year and we are grateful to be sharing our joy with you now. I have several friends who are battling infertility, and I want you to know that my heart goes out to you and my prayers are with you. As excited as I am for our family, my heart aches for you and wishes the same thing for your future.

A couple of months ago, I wrote a really personal and emotional post about the thoughts and feelings that David and I have experienced over the past year as we struggled with the difficulty of wanting to add another baby to our family. It took us a while to get pregnant with Lydia (including a miscarriage before her successful pregnancy), I don't know why - but I wasn't expecting it to take as long the second time around. I figured that my body had figured pregnancy out and it would do just fine. I didn't originally mean for the post to be so packed full of emotion, I just wanted to include a post for journaling purposes about the fact that we'd been trying for a baby for about ten months and our feelings about not being pregnant still- but as I started writing it all just poured out. After I published it and people started reading, I realized that the emotion was more raw and personal than I intended and I wasn't prepared to actually have people read it. (Those of you who did read it, I'm eternally grateful for the love and support that you showed.) I ended up un-publishing it, then re-published it earlier this week. Looking back, I don't know exactly what prompted me to write the post - I mean we'd gone ten months without me feeling the urge to write down all of my feelings. It may have been super crazy hormones, or it may have been something else - but I'm so glad that I did. I wrote about buying a pregnancy test at the store that week - and how originally it had been purchased out of fear (fear of not being pregnant again and not knowing until I started my period) but how it had given me hope that soon we would be pregnant. Just over a week later - I used that pregnancy test and found out that we were in fact pregnant.

I can't express enough how stunned and excited we were. I had been feeling all sorts of crazy emotions the week leading up to my expected period, and even after I was later than I expected - we didn't get our hopes up (TMI, but I've never been very regular which added to the frustration of trying to get pregnant). I didn't want to take the test too early and have it be negative and then have to take another test. (I thought that might do me in.) Finally, one morning I woke up and I knew that I couldn't go another day without knowing one way or the other. I declared to David (remember, I was feeling all sorts of crazy emotions - and "declaring" seemed appropriate) that I was going to take the test and that he better be ready for the results. He and Lydia waited for me outside of the bathroom and when I came out I was so nervous that my hands were shaking. The test almost immediately showed positive.  I think the pregnant line showed up before the other line. I was so excited, but also a little surprised. David was cautious because the instructions say that you are supposed to wait for a certain amount of time before reading the results, but after several minutes - they still showed the same thing: Pregnant!

We were so excited all day, and celebrated that night by going out and buying the biggest pizza we could find! (We actually had a "Restaurant.com" gift certificate to Big Daddy's Pizza so we drove all the way to West Valley to use it. Because we were driving out there, we called and ordered ahead and decided to splurge and get one of their deals. We didn't realize the pizza would be SO huge, I mean - how big is 18" anyway? It was totally worth it and SO delicious.)

My mom came to visit the next weekend and basically asked me point blank if I was pregnant. I hadn't prepared a response - and even if I had thought about it I probably would have decided that I didn't want to lie to her, she's been such a huge support to me this year - so I spluttered out that yes, we were pregnant and she was SO excited. We facetimed with my Dad and little brother Jacob (because he happened to be home) later that night, and then went to David's parents house to tell them in person. Everyone was so happy and excited for us. We slowly started telling all of our family members, and then gave my mom the okay to tell whoever she wanted (she was dying to talk to the people that she works with, and wanted to be able to tell people at the wedding). I have mixed feelings on "keeping it a secret" for so long. On one hand - it's crazy to have such a huge thing be happening in your life and have no one know about it. On the other hand - having everyone know so early makes being pregnant for the whole 40 weeks seem to drag on. We talked about a lot of things, but finally decided to start telling people if it came up but wait to post on Facebook until we went to our first real appointment.

People have been asking me how I've been feeling - and honestly, I feel awesome. Just a tiny bit of nausea when I wake up in the morning, but other than that and being more tired than usual - I really feel great. So great that there was a little part of me that was worried that I would go in for my appointment and they would tell me that I wasn't really pregnant. I mean, I still get pretty queasy occasionally... It's just so different than either of the other first-trimesters that I've gone through. Everyone keeps telling me that it means that this baby is a boy, because boys don't make you as sick as girls do... but I don't know if it's that or if it's just that I have such a different lifestyle right now than I did before. Waking up at six in the a.m. and then teaching high school all day is much more taxing than sleeping in until eight and being able to set my own pace for the day. Even then, if I could sleep past 8 on weekend and such - I felt much better all day. It's almost like if I can sleep past a certain trigger-time it reduces my nausea drastically. Similarly, on mornings that I have to get up and get going super early and have to be high energy all day - I feel much more sick all day.

We had some issues with our insurance (which is way too long to write about in this post), but long story short: We just started with a new insurance company in January because of the HBM/Eide Bailly merger. We thought that my doctor (who I absolutely adore) wasn't covered, and after weeks of careful research and many many many phone calls, we finally got the assurance that she was, in fact, covered... hopefully. So I joyfully called to make my appointment with the wonderful Dr. Cloward, only to be told that she was completely full for September babies. I'll be honest - I started crying on the phone right then and there. The poor receptionist. She had no idea that I'd been on the phone for the past three weeks with her billing department and my insurance to get the whole mess worked out, never thinking that I should just make an appointment to reserve my September baby a spot. She told me that all of their doctors were fabulous (which they are - Dr. Jones delivered Lydia and he was great) and to get online and do some research and that she could schedule me with one of them. But I just love Dr. Cloward. I love that she's female. I love that she's so kind and personable. I love that I feel like she knows me when I come to her office. I love that she never makes me feel dumb and always makes me feel informed and prepared. I love that she was the first doctor that I'd ever been to that didn't make me cry before the appointment was through. I just wanted her!  I hung up in tears and them immediately called back to see if I could get on a waiting list for her. The receptionist that answered said that the girl that I had previously talked to had just headed back to talk to Dr. Cloward's nurse to see if there was any way to squeeze me in. She got on the phone and said that Deanne (who is the nurse who helped me through my miscarriage week after week, calling to check up on me and make sure that I was doing okay) was going to talk to Dr. Cloward and call me back the next day. Which made me cry again. Deanne called the following day saying that they couldn't let me go to another doctor and that they would do some shuffling and squeeze me in. This is just another reason why I love this doctor and their whole office SO much. I honestly do not feel like a number - but a person that they care about and are invested in. I'm so grateful that they were willing to fit me in and that everything worked out with our insurance to be able to continue working with the Legacy OB and Dr. Tennille Cloward.

When I was pregnant with Lydia, all they did at the first appointment is talk to you and then let you listen to the babies heartbeat. David is still in one of his busiest times of the year, so even though I knew that he'd want to come - I took whatever appointment that they had available. (Also, remember - they were squeezing me in so I wasn't about to be difficult with my appointment times!) Now I especially wish that David had been able to come, because in the last little while - they've started to do ultrasounds at that first appointment to measure and make sure everything is progressing well. I didn't find out until we were actually at the appointment. Lydia had done great in the waiting room, but the second we walked back into the actual doctor area/rooms she lost it. She was really upset. I thought that I had prepared her by telling her that we were going to the doctor, but that it was for mommy and not for her, but apparently she hadn't internalized that at all. When the nurse came in to take my blood pressure she started crying and holding on to me as tight as she could. She didn't like the nurse touching me, or talking to me, or really... being in the same room as me. After the nurse left - Lydia calmed down but I was really concerned about how she would handle the ultrasound and what we were going to do. I gave her an orange and told her that she was going to sit on the chair while mommy sat on the table, but she wasn't having any of it. Finally, I pulled her up on the table with me and held her until she calmed down and just hoped for the best. When Dr. Cloward came in, she was so kind. She talked to Lydia and got her to smile. She let her pick a sticker, and then let me hold her on my lap while we talked. When it was time for the ultrasound, she encouraged me to keep Lydia with me so I pulled her up by my side while I laid down and put my arm around her. She started to tear up when Dr. Cloward pulled out the ultrasound, but as soon as the monitor turned on and we started looking for our baby - Lydia calmed right down. As the baby came on the screen Lydia was absolutely entranced. She didn't make a peep for the rest of the time, only once to say "baby" after I asked if she could see the baby. It was amazing and I wish I could express the feelings that I had as I watched my first baby "meet" my second baby - because sure enough there was a perfect, tiny, little baby on the screen. I hadn't expected the ultrasound to show such a.. baby. I've never had an ultrasound at 12 weeks before, only at 8 weeks with Lydia (to make sure that things were developing at our very first appointment - a precaution they took because I had just miscarried) and then the ultrasound at 20 weeks. At 8 weeks, all that there was was basically a blob, a little gummy bear. Then at 20 weeks there was a giant baby. But this 12 week appointment, it was incredible. You could see so clearly this tiny baby with arms and legs, fingers and a nose, and you knew that it was only 2-3 inches long! As I mentioned above, I've been feeling so good that sometimes I forget that I'm even pregnant - and I was concerned that they were going to tell me that I wasn't. But seeing this baby, I felt an instant connection that I hadn't felt/allowed myself to feel yet. You could see the baby wiggling around as she swiped the wand from one side to the other. The technology is so miraculous, and the miracle of this tiny baby was so overwhelming. And on top of that, my Lydia could feel the special feeling that was so abundant in the room and she was engaged in the whole process. It was so sweet and special and I hope that I never forget.

You can't see the arms and legs in this picture, because she was trying to get a profile shot - but throughout the ultrasound this little baby kept kicking it's legs and bringing it's hands up by it's head. It was amazing to watch such a tiny perfect thing moving around.

After we left the doctor, and for the next week - Lydia kept talking about the doctor over and over again. She would ask me about the doctor, tell me that the doctor was nice, and then say "baby?" It was so sweet. (Since then we've been to multiple doctors for the stitches by her eye - and we've lost some of the magic about our doctors visit where we saw our baby - but she still will sometimes talk about the doctor and her baby.) 

This post has gotten a lot longer than I originally intended, but it's nice to have so many of the things that we've been feeling and going through written down in one place.

 And now, to finish off this post with some Baby #2 FAQ's! 

(I know that this is really what you all came here to read...) 

How far along? 13 weeks (and two days)

Food cravings/aversions? I've been totally craving weird things like hamburgers and hotdogs. Mmmm. Hot dogs. (My doctor gave me the go-ahead to eat hot dogs as long as I cooked them until they were steaming. I've been microwaving the guts out of my hotdogs and enjoying each and every one.) I've also eaten spaghetti-o's like 5 out of the last 8 days. They seem to settle my stomach more than anything else - so I eat them at like ten in the morning. Breakfast of champions, I say. During the olympics, McDonalds kept showing this delicious looking chocolate covered strawberry shake that I wanted SO bad, but it turns out that it's a McCafe thing and appears to have coffee in it or something. Lame. I went through an entire bag of chocolate covered jelly beans (and helped finish off a bag of sour jelly beans) in less than three days. I don't remember having so many food cravings with Lydia - pretty much everything just sounded terrible. The only things that I've really had an aversion to is chicken. I haven't been able to handle eating any chicken in large quantities (which is hard for a girl whose dinner rotation centers around chicken). But we've had a lot of meatless meals, hamburger based meals, and chicken meals where I can pick out the chicken pieces and just eat the rest of it. I am very proud of myself though, because there have only been a couple of nights that I haven't fixed a nice, full dinner. The first time around I basically didn't cook dinner for an entire three months (which again, I think can be credited to the fact that I'm not working full time and so I have much more energy). 

Hoping for a boy or girl? Obviously, we'll be happy either way - but I would be lying if I didn't admit that we are all kind of hoping for another baby girl. I'm just so close to my sisters and I love having the three of us in a row. I would really love that relationship for Lydia. And, if you ask Lydia if she wants a little brother or sister she'll reply with "sis-ter". (Which is really cute, but I think it's mostly because Carson calls Elsie "sister" all the time, and she doesn't ever really hear the term "brother".) However, my Grandma and Grandpa Knowles have 8 great-granddaughters and they are hoping that they will finally get a grandson to break the trend. 

Thank you again for all of your love and support! We are so thrilled and already can't wait to hold this little babe in our arms.