Angels

This post is hard for me to write. Wednesday, Nov 13th could have been the single worst day of my entire life - but through the grace and goodness of God, it wasn't. It was just a day that passed and could be easily forgotten. But I won't forget. I will not explain away or claim coincidence. I will not quietly save this memory for fear of judgment of myself in sharing the whole experience. I had a miracle happen in my life and angels attended me and my children and I am so incredibly grateful to my Heavenly Father for watching over us and protecting my Lucy. 

We have been working hard in our basement to try to finish the first stage before our rough inspection this week. Our inspector came that morning and we had sheetrockers coming on Friday. We thought that we would pass the inspection with flying colors, but she said that we needed to create a fire-block in every single opening that we made in the framework because the framing wasn't pushed all the way back to the wall. (The builders put insulation up against the wall and then we built around that.) We were to go buy plywood to cut into small rectangles and nailgun to the tops of our framing. 

Because of our tight timeline, I volunteered to go and get the plywood. We've been using our van to transport all sorts of lumber and I wasn't even worried about fitting the plywood into the van. I was SO not worried that I also grabbed a whole bunch of insulation to stick into the walls after the inspector came. I had them cut the plywood into 16" strips so that when we got home we could just cut them into 4x16 pieces to fit into our openings. 

As I started stacking it into the van, I was sliding it in through the back between Lydia and Austin's carseat, over Lucy's carseat, and resting on the insulation in the middle of the car. It was just fine, but as I kept adding pieces it was getting heavier and heavier. At this point I should have stopped and figured something else out - but my biggest failing in life is thinking that "I can manage it". I thought that it might not be super safe if we were in a car accident, but honestly thought that it would be fine. I said a little prayer for safety and slid the last piece of wood in and hopped in the front seat. 

I will never forget the sound of the wood falling. I thought that it was braced solidly against the back seat and the front seat overtop of Lucy's carseat. But the weight of the wood fell on top of her infant carseat and snapped (unbuckled? A miracle.) the buckle strapping her in so that her careat tipped backward in it's spot. I thought that she was crushed under the massive weight of the wood that minutes earlier hadn't seemed like it was that big of a deal but suddenly was heavier than a giant stone block of granite. I cried out in terror and jumped out of my car. I couldn't get to her immediately because of the insulation in the front seat and I frantically pulled it out of the way as I jumped into the car trying to get to my baby. With all the strength I could muster I lifted the wood with my shoulder, unstrapped Lucy's straps and pulled her out through a tiny gap between the wood and the side of the carseat. 

Right here, in this moment. I can not describe the amazement and gratitude and joy that I felt. The wood hadn't even touched her. Because the seat flipped in just the right way, the carseat had created a safe little space for her. I can't understand how the weight didn't do more damage - other than the absolute certain knowledge that there were angels curled up around her in that space holding the wood just far enough above her to keep her safe from any harm. 

I .know. that there were angels in that seat with her protecting her. I could feel their presence. 

There is no other reason that she shouldn't have been absolutely crushed. I feel so much guilt and shame about putting Lucy in such an unsafe predicament. No matter the time crunch, the inconvenience of finding another solution. I should NEVER have risked her well being. I know that, and I vow to NEVER let my own agenda or timeframe or anything put my children at risk like that. 

But even though it was absolutely, 100% my fault, my Heavenly Father sent angels to protect Lucy. 

I had prayed that morning to feel, to know, if Heavenly Father really loves me. If he is really there and really cares about me. This was an extreme, unmistakable answer to a sincere prayer asked in my closet on my knees. I will never forget the goodness of my God. I would have done anything in that moment to save her and I will spend the rest of my life in gratitude for the miracle that saved her when there was nothing that my human body could actually do. 

I sat down in the parking lot, cradling my baby and cried a prayer of gratitude to God. Out loud. With no regard to where I was or who could see. I sobbed and sobbed. Just overcome with gratitude. I moved into the front seat of the van and sobbed some more. 

Finally, I regained control and got out of the van and moved to the back to talk to the kids who were understandably freaked out. I calmed them down and still kept checking Lucy over to see if we needed to go to the emergency room not believing that she hadn't been touched. Still having flashes of ambulances racing to meet us in the parking lot. 

The story could end there with endless gratitude for the angels watching over us. But it doesn't. 

Not long later, a man approached us and asked if we needed help. Me, being me, said something like "No, we're fine." He thankfully didn't take that answer and volunteered to move all of the lumber and insulation to the back of his truck and drive it home to my house. Another lady also approached and asked if I was okay, because from the outside it appeared that I was having a breakdown, but it was hard to express that my tears were complete tears of gratitude. I didn't actually need anything. I could have called David to come and we could have switched the carseats into his car so that we could fit the lumber into the van safely.  I was just so overcome with gratitude and relief that my emotions were raw and exposed. The lady left (but I was so grateful that she'd stopped) but the man, he unloaded all of the wood and insulation and put it into his truck, typed in our address and drove the load to our house. By the time I finished strapping kids in and driving home, he had already unloaded it all onto the grass. I'm not sure what he thought was wrong. He never asked, just lovingly mentioned something about his daughters being strong-willed and taking on huge projects, too. I could hardly speak to him, my words were just gone. I managed to thank him and ask if I could give him gas money (to which he heartily denied). I did ask his name, but I can't remember it now. 

I watched him drive away in a little red truck, knowing that once again an angel had been looking out for us - and this one shopped (maybe worked) at home depot. 

Our home-depot angel appeared at our door again about 15 minutes later. I had been sitting on the couch with my kids, still basically sobbing while we talked about miracles and blessings and angels and Lucy and the man who drove our stuff home. We heard a knock at the door. He was there with several Arby's bags and a couple of shakes. He said "I don't know what your kids like to eat, but I thought you could all use some lunch." I couldn't even speak. I just took the bags from him with tears in my eyes. Finally I squeezed out a Thank You, and then he was gone. I don't think I will ever be able to express to him how much his kind acts of service meant - but I hope that someday he will know. And I hope that because of his example my kids and I will be able to pass his kindness on to the people around us who are struggling and need an earthly angel to take the time to help. 

We sat on the floor and the kids ate while I cried some more. 

I am so grateful for the angels that Heavenly Father sent to my family this day. Especially for the angels that kept my Lucy safe. 

Lucy, you are tiny, but you've already experienced miracles in your life. I pray that you will see many more miracles and that you will always know that those miracles come from God.