Baby Update

I'm just about ___ weeks along in this little pregnancy and although I've been much sicker than I had anticipated being, I also have been well taken care of. 

I mistakenly thought "I've gotten less sick with each progressive pregnancy - I'm sure the pattern will continue". I should know better. Pregnancy can't be put into things like... patterns! It likes being unpredictable. Ha. I was the sickest with my first pregnancy that ended in miscarriage, and so I was truly worried about that. But then I had a dream that I was having twins, so when we went to the appointment I was equally concerned that there wouldn't be a heartbeat and excited about the possibility of twins. I felt immense relief and gratitude when there was a heartbeat and a healthy baby, but was a little disappointed when Dr. Cloward said "Good news! There's just one baby." She was being funny, but I was a tiny bit disappointed. But, not too disappointed because BABY! You're on your way and we are SO so thrilled about it. 

Like I said, these kids have been taking care of me. I've been drinking a lot of orange juice, especially in the mornings because it's the only thing that will settle my stomach. Quite frequently, something will set me off and I'll be in the bathroom throwing up for a while - then I'll come back out and the kids will have made a little bed for me, blanket, pillow, and carefully poured cup of orange juice sitting there waiting for me. Lydia and Austin will carefully walk me to the couch/floor/bed and make sure that I am comfortable. It's so sweet. Sometimes I still feel sick, and just laying there really does help. Sometimes I feel better and would be fine just getting back to whatever I was doing before, but it's so sweet that they put in so much work that I always lay down for a minute. 

I know that I'm not nearly as sick as some people get during pregnancy- and I don't want this to be taken as complaining at all. Because honestly, I'm fine, and I manage most of my days with ease, regardless of the few bumps in the road that inevitably come. My kids are amazing and the play so well together, we've had hardly any tv time where they were watching a show just because I needed to rest. And we've been able to do our homeschooling-thang with little to no problem. 

But I have been throwing up, something that I didn't do at all with Caleb - and mostly only dry heaved with Austin. That's not fun. One day I told David that I'd learned to only eat the things that weren't terrible coming back up, not necessarily the things that sounded good at the time. I was prepared to start listing food items off before he stopped me. But it's true! (I'll refrain from listing them here.) 

One day the Hutchings Museum was having a neat animal show, so I decided to take the kids. I wasn't feeling great, but I figured that we'd be fine. The show was good and the kids loved it, but afterwards I was feeling SO awful that I sat down on the floor while they played with an exhibit. I sat there for a really long time, and ended up texting David telling him that I didn't think I would be able to get up and leave because I was feeling so terrible. I managed to get them out and into the car. And then, because I'm stubborn and hate hate hate leaving the house, I decided we'd run into Target for the two things that we needed. We HAD to get a birthday present for the next day, and we HAD to get wipes because we were almost all out. I could have sent David later that night, or gone out myself later - but I couldn't handle the thought of having to go out again when I was already out. But we barely made it. I thought if I grabbed something to eat it would help, but the jerky that I grabbed off the shelf made me even sicker. I was so sick I was hunched over the shopping cart pushing it along, and at one point I let Lydia browse the toy aisle while I sat on the floor because I was so nauseous. I almost didn't survive. David was working in Lehi, and I seriously considered asking him to come and get us and drive us home. And not in a kidding way, in a "I can't do this and I need help and I'm going to start crying at any moment" kind of way. But I'm stubborn. Whatever. We made it home and the biggest casualty was that I didn't let the kids buy anything because I didn't have the brain capacity to help them choose something to buy with their family economy money and they were really disappointed.

I know I've mostly just written about being sick. But truly, I've been so blessed. I've been able to keep up with all of my responsibilities (for the most part). Primary President is a demanding job, and this year I was also in charge of the Ward Christmas Party. (Umm... remind me to never do that again - and never let any other Primary President get roped into being in charge of it either.) It was a ton of work on top of everything else I'm already responsible for - but I feel like I was able to manage. Maybe not with ease, or even with grace, but I was able to do okay. And aside from those things, I'm doing well with my other things, too. Especially my children. I feel like I'm the best mom I've ever been, and that I'm steadily growing into the mother that I want to be. I may not be doing great at everything, but I feel like I'm doing well with them - and that's my most important thing.

Actually, after I wrote that paragraph above - I realized that it's not really me that is still being successful even though I'm not feeling well. It's David. It's all David. He is picking up every inch of slack that I'm letting out and he's making it into something better than I ever could have. I agreed to the Ward Christmas party without talking to him more than just briefly, but he has stepped in and helped with the party and taken care of the kids each and every time I've had to fulfill a responsibility. He takes care of me in the morning, and doesn't complain when dinner isn't stellar at night. He works so hard at his job, then comes home and continues to put in 100 percent. He makes me feel loved and valued and cared about. I could never do this without him, and I'm so grateful that he's the one by my side. 

The holidays are always busy, and I feel like this one has been as busy as it could possibly be. This post ended up being less about my baby and more about my state of mind right now. But I think part of that is that we've been so busy that we haven't had as much time to think about this sweet babe. But we are SO so grateful that he/she is here. I'm SO grateful to be pregnant. I'm SO grateful for this family that I get to call my own. I just hope that I can be the mom that this baby deserves.