The Allegory of the Box

Tonight, the following disagreement happened between Lydia and Austin (while they were supposed to be falling asleep in their beds): 

Lydia had opted to sleep in a large box that she had constructed for the sole purpose of trying to sleep in. She had carefully taken two smaller boxes, cut the edges, and meticulously taped the edges together to create one large box. She mentioned to Austin that she was proud of her box.

Austin, quick to correct her misuse of words, told her that it was not A box - but rather, it was TWO boxes. Lydia, hurt by the lack of care or understanding of the effort it took to make it into one box stubbornly insisted that it was ONE box.

Commence argument.

Enter Mom to the scene. 

Mom: Go to bed, please stop talking to each other.
Austin: Mom, I just need to say two more sentences to Lydia. "Lydia, that is not one box, that is two boxes that have been taped together." whispers to mom: We are having a disagreement.
Lydia, indignantly: "Austin- it is not TWO boxes. It is ONE box."

Mom exits the scene after instructing each child individually to STOP talking to the other about the box.

After a few minutes of begrudging silence, talking was again heard from the room. It was more arguing about the box.

Dad, unaware of the ongoing argument enters the scene. 

Lydia: "Austin is making me feel bad because he thinks that it is two little boxes instead of one big box. It is one big box and it makes me feel bad that he does not think it is.

David tucks Lydia in, then stands to talk to Austin about the box. 

Austin's simple reply: "I can't let Lydia say things that are not right."

----

It is clear, from an outside perspective that each side was RIGHT. And because they were RIGHT they could not fathom how the other could also be RIGHT. And they would not back down until their RIGHT was the only RIGHT left standing.

I wish I could say that we were able to have an impactful conversation with them about how sometimes someone has opinions that are different than your own and that's okay. But we didn't, we just told them to go to sleep.

But as we, the parents, examined this minor "disagreement", as Austin called it, we thought it presented such a wonderful lesson not just for our children, but for us as well. In the world today, so many people are so concerned with being right, that they can't take the time to listen to and understand the perspective from the other persons point of view. From the outside, it is easy to see, that yes, it is both 1 box and 2 boxes. However, each child was so wrapped up in their own viewpoint, but they could not see the other child's perspective. In our society as we talk about politics, pandemics, equality and slew of other things, we are often so focussed on being "right" that we don't take the time to understand the other person's perspective. While we may not change our mind about whether it is one box or two boxes, if we understand them, we can hopefully be less likely to make them feel bad and dismiss their opinion without giving it our attention. Likewise, it can also help us understand that the person may just be trying to make sure we are doing the right thing and we can be less angered by their actions.

The lesson is to listen, to strive to understand and then recognize that it is still okay to disagree. But if we start with the disagreement instead of the listening and the understanding, we end up with anger, offense, and bitterness.

Who knew a box could tell us so much... or was it two boxes?