Goodbye to Grandpa-Great Walker

My Grandfather is dying, and it's so sad. Ramon Walker- one of the greatest men that I have ever known. He has lived such an incredible, full, life - and even though he is old, even though he has been ready to go home to his wife for a long time, our hearts are so sad because we love him so much. 

We are also happy though, because if there was any way that he would choose to spend the last month of his life, this is what it would be. He would have hated being in the hospital, would have hated a long-drawn-out illness, would have hated if his memory got bad enough that he couldn't live on his own anymore.  Just two weeks ago, he was driving tractors in his hayfields and taking Lydia to see Church Butte and the Summer Range. 

But this last sickness came on quickly. It wasn't even really sickness as much as his body just started shutting down. When my dad and his siblings realized that his oxygen was super low and that he was feeling so awful - they took him to the doctor and then to the hospital. The report back from them was that the cancer that had been centralized in one spot had spread and that his body was giving out. He requested to come home with end-of-life care and is expected to pass within the week. 

I wasn't sure if we should go, because I didn't want to burden anyone who was there helping care for grandpa. My dad said that it was our choice and that we didn't need to come because Grandpa knew that we love him and we know that he loves us. But I am SO glad that we went. One of the things that is so special about the Walker Family is that Family is Important (that might even be the unofficial family motto) and that everyone makes sacrifices to be there when it matters. My grandpa was surrounded by family who loves him throughout all his final days. We didn't come to get in our last "I love yous" as much as we came to honor this great man who is the patriarch of our family and has left us such a beautiful legacy. 

We left early on a Tuesday morning, canceling a few of the plans we had previously made, and drove the 2.5 hours to Lyman. We were there for just under an hour, but enough time to play on the tire swing, see the new tractor, and wrap our arms around Grandpa to express our love. 

He wasn't feeling well when we got there and was trying to get up to go to the bathroom so that others wouldn't see him throwing up. Even in his final days, he was proud and retained as much dignity as he possibly could. He did everything for himself until he could not possibly do it. He stayed sitting in the chair in the front room until he literally could not get out of his bed. His strength of will and body is incredible to me. I was so grateful to be there to see him and show him our love, and equally grateful to be there for my dad and show him our support in this terribly difficult time for him. It was almost MORE important for me to be there for my dad. I know that having lots of people coming in and out was a little stressful for my grandpa, which is why we were there for such a short time - but I'm so glad we came. 



We ended up being able to time our visit to be there at the same time as Matt and Juniper. 

A note: I grew up calling my grandpa "Grandpa Walker", and his dad Ellis Colving Walker was called "Grandpa-Great". It was a term of great endearment and respect. After my grandpa-great passed away, and my cousins started having children, Grandpa Walker was granted the title of "Grandpa-Great", which caused my dad some concern at first because Ellis was "Grandpa-Great", but I've always loved it because what better title could there be for such a great grandfather? None. Now my kids call my grandpa "Grandpa-Great" and this home and ranch are "Grandpa-Great's". 

As I knelt to tell my Grandpa that I loved him, his last words to me were, "You are special. I hope everything goes well for you. Hurry back... when you don't have to stay so long." 

I have tears in my eyes as I type those words. So absolutely in character: loving and supportive with a dash of his wry humor. 

I love you Grandpa. I'm grateful for your influence and presence in my life. I am who I am because of the life that you lived. I am eternally grateful that I was the lucky one who got to be your granddaughter.